The Morning Quote

Posted by Tengrain May 19th, 2013

“[The Kenyan Usurper] sees the world and Israel from a Muslim perspective.”

–Rev. E.W. Jackson, Virginia’s GOP nominee for lieutenant governor, in his acceptance speech.

Virginia is cutting to the chase and nominating preachers now in their quest to form a theocracy.

Sunday Golf

Posted by Tengrain May 19th, 2013

Well, the greens fee is probably reasonable.

(Hat tip: Axel Grease)

Bad Tech, cont.

Posted by Tengrain May 18th, 2013

Toronto Convention Center

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Bruce388)

Dame Noonington Speakes, foresoothe!

Posted by Tengrain May 18th, 2013

bd1

(Image: Axel Grease)

We are in the midst of the worst Washington scandal since Watergate.

Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first make mad, or in Noonan’s case, wee tipsy or just forgetful that during the month of May, in 1987, the Iran-Contra Hearings began, you know, when Ronald Wilson Reagan (“the greatest president of the last half of the last century, maybe ever”) broke the law and sold weapons to our enemies the Iranians and then gave the proceeds to right-wing death squads, the Nicaraguan Contras.

I love it when Serendipity bitch-slaps Reagan-era leftovers on the gin-blossomed snout.

UPDATE: Dame Peggington Noonington of the Brooklynshire Nooningtons will appear on Dancin’ with the Gregory on Sunday, where she will expand upon her theme and no one will challenge her. Two pickled onions and a twist.

Umbrellagate

Posted by Tengrain May 18th, 2013

Chimpy's-Favorite-Umbrella

Just sayin’ that there are some real scandals that never got the attention of the GOP.

Now that it has surged passed…

Posted by Tengrain May 18th, 2013

…the awesome juggernaut that is Blackberry, having sold 7M phones Windows Phone 8 is in third place world wide with a market share of 3%. And this tool says that Apple’s iPhone is next to be eaten alive by MS’s phone.

Happy Saturday! Did everyone sleep well?

Posted by Tengrain May 18th, 2013

Is this a real problem? Or would she have been better off sleeping without the bustier?

(Hat tip: unindicted, co-conspirator Axel Grease)

Bad Tech, cont.

Posted by Tengrain May 17th, 2013

Mr. Peanut

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Bruce388)

Happy Hour News Briefs

Posted by Tengrain May 17th, 2013

Drink-up, Bitchez!

World-famous baby mill operator One-L is already running for re-election, a full 17-months ahead of schedule.

  • Umbrellagate - Sweet Baby Jeebus with a yellow slicker, that the hell has gotten into the GOP’s panties today? Umbrellas. Anyway, Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin is trying to be relevant again, and tweeted: “Mr. President, when it rains it pours, but most Americans hold their own umbrellas.” Whoopsie! Mooselini seems to protest too much:

    (WaPo)

  • Dangerous conspiracy theorist Pete Santilli wants to personally execute Hillary Clinton by shooting her in the vagina. (Fair warning: Santilli uses very graphic extermination language and snuff-porn style imagery Right Wing Watch)
  • Retractions – After Crazy Unkka Pat does it again (forgives adultery from men, because boys will be boys), the Christian Broadcasting Network issued the following clarification:

    “As a first step in the process, Dr. Robertson stated that she should stop dwelling on the cheating. Next, he recommended that she remind herself of all the reasons she fell in love with him in the first place so that she might try to fall back in love with him all over again.”

    “Lastly, his point was that everyone is human and there is much temptation outside of the home, so she should do whatever she can to strengthen their home and relationship. His intent was not to condone infidelity or to cast blame. We regret any misunderstanding.”

    We regret any misunderstanding. Gotta remember that one. (ABC News)

The future is here…

Posted by Tengrain May 17th, 2013

…and it is a pee-hag:

As I approached the line to the restroom, I took a deep sigh, thinking that I might find some respite from the hundreds of cameras strapped to people’s heads at the conference.

Yet when it was finally my turn to approach the rows of white urinals, my world came screeching to a halt. There they were, a handful of people wearing Google Glass, now standing next to me at their own urinals, peering their head from side to side, blinking or winking, as they relieved themselves.

(NYTimes article on Google Glasses)

The Afternoon Quote

Posted by Tengrain May 17th, 2013

“You’re casting aspersions on my asparagus.”

–Screwy, Louis Gohmert, pride of Texas

News Briefs

Posted by Tengrain May 17th, 2013

News you can use all day

Talking termite-infested pole Major Garrett destroys GOP benghazi Benghazi BENGHAZI talking point.

  • Notably nutty theocrat and Xristian Xrazie Rep. Kevin Cramer (R-ND) says that Roe V. Wade is responsible for all the recent gun violence:

    “Forty years ago, the United States Supreme Court sanctioned abortion on demand. And we wonder why our culture sees school shootings so often.”

    He has many other theories, too. It is so worth a click. (Raw Story)

  • Godwin’s Law - Famous conspiracy theorist Tom Zawistowski compared the Kenyan’s administration’s ongoing IRS scandal to Nazi Germany on Fox News:
  • One more nut and it is a candy bar - Karen Handel (the Xristian Xrazie who pretty much single-handedly destroyed the pink-washing Susan G. Komen for the Cure) joins a GOP primary field for US Senate from Georgia that already includes Reps. Jack Kingston (R-GA), Paul Broun (R-GA) and Phil Gingrey (R-GA).

With a view to a kill

Posted by Tengrain May 17th, 2013

IMG_0210

Cocktails last night at the Hancock Tower’s 96th floor were worthy of the view.

IMG_0208

The view from my hotel room ain’t bad either.

Bad Tech, cont.

Posted by Tengrain May 16th, 2013

At the Airport

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Bruce388)

Bad Tech, cont.

Posted by Tengrain May 15th, 2013

Marks and Spencer

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Bruce388)

Bad Tech, cont.

Posted by Tengrain May 14th, 2013

Vending Machine

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Bruce388)

On the road again…

Posted by Tengrain May 14th, 2013

Light posting ahead… but there are some things in the queue, so check in.

Bad Tech, cont.

Posted by Tengrain May 13th, 2013

WalMart

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Bruce388)

Happy Hour News Briefs

Posted by Tengrain May 13th, 2013

News that will drive you to drink

self-confessed confident of God One-L wants a spiritual warfare (Crusade? Yes) to enforce her theocratic agenda

  • World Nut Daily tells us that if only Bill Clinton’s penis had been removed from office (and they blame Ken Starr for shirking his duties!) in the ’90s, then Behghazi! Behghazi! BENGHAZI! would never have happened.
  • The WaPo tells us that Senator Aqua Buddha (R – Cheap Toupee) is trying for an image-remake to make him more appealling to the Xristian Xrazies:

    “Earlier this spring, Sen. Rand Paul and his wife, Kelley, invited a crew from the Christian Broadcasting Network into their Kentucky home for what turned into two full days of reality TV. In a half-hour special, “At Home With Rand Paul,” the couple are seen bird-watching in the woods, going to McDonald’s and, especially, talking about religion — their belief in traditional marriage and the senator’s call for a “spiritual cleansing” in America.”

    Can we vote Aqua Buddha off the island, please?

  • The Christian Post’s chock full o’ nuts Star Parker celebrates the return of Mark Kiss Me South of the Border Sanford to national politics:

    Put me down as happy to see former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford coming back to Washington. Earlier this week he handily defeated Elizabeth Colbert Busch in a special election for a House seat he himself once held.

    [snip]

    He has always been a consistent, principled, and courageous conservative. And he has always done it with showmanship and clarity that gets the points across to voters.

    [snip]

    When the National Republican Congressional Committee pulled their support from Sanford’s race following the news that he trespassed in the home of his former wife (to watch the Super Bowl with his son), support came in from both FreedomWorks PAC and the National Right to Life PAC.

    Sanford’s persona pulled in two streams of conservatives – the economic conservatives and the social conservatives – that many see at odds with each other.

    A seasoned, principled, and exciting conservative politician and leader is exactly what Republicans need today.

    Welcome back to Washington, Mark Sanford.

–Tengrain

The After School Special

Posted by Tengrain May 13th, 2013

Midday Palate Cleanser

Posted by Tengrain May 13th, 2013

Dog photoBombs like a boss!

Babwa Wawa to retire in 2014

Posted by Tengrain May 13th, 2013

Wiving wegend, Bawa Wawa willw wetiwa fwom The View in 2014. Wots’a Wuck in whatever you do next! (ABC)

News Briefs

Posted by Tengrain May 13th, 2013

News you can use all day

Neck with a mouth Chuck Todd is outraged that the Cincinnati IRS under a Chimpy McStagger appointee targeted conservative money laundering Teabaggers.

  • Told ya! - The Living Museum of 1980s Power Ties George Will floated the idea of impeaching The Kenyan Usurper for the IRS auditing money-laundering Teabagging organizations, and meanwhile staff-banging serial adulterer Newticles says that The Kenyan “will not profile terrorists but profile patriots.” Noot is slipping: He left out the Basically and Essentially. (Raw Story and TPM)
  • Basically, the owner of the cheapest toupee in Congress, Senator Aqua Buddha essentially has lost his mind:

    Paul said the United Nations would “CONFISCATE and DESTROY ALL” of civilian firearms in the United States and ban the sale of all semi-automatic weapons. He also alleged the United Nations was controlled by “petty dictators and one-world socialists” who were plotting to usurp American sovereignty.

    “These anti-gun globalists know that as long as Americans remain free to make our own decisions without being bossed around by big government bureaucrats, they’ll NEVER be able to seize the worldwide power they crave,” Paul wrote.

    (Raw Story)

  • Happy Mothers’ Day - As many as 3 different gunmen opened fire on a Mothers’ Day Parade in New Orleans with 18 confirmed wounded, so far no one has died. (Think Progress)

Mother’s Day 2013

Posted by Tengrain May 12th, 2013

My mother did not believe in Hallmark Holidays, and so Mother’s Day nearly sped past me without notice now that she’s been gone for a decade; MPS’ pal B-4 has a lovely post up for his mom, and she sounds like a good egg and very similar to mine. He’s lucky that she’s still around. I miss both my parents in ways large and small.

On Saturdays, after Bugs Bunny was done I would be shoved out the door into the California sunshine with the admonishment not to return before lunch, “unless there is fire, death or insurrection.” The day I was returned home by the Fire Department, naked and covered in mud (and they hosed me off on our lawn on the main street of our small town with all the neighbors watching) after rescuing me from the mudflats in the local cemetery (the frogs were irresistible and would absolutely be the best torture for my older sister Ninegrain) was the day she stopped saying that little phrase. Oh, in case you are wondering: the mud pulled off my clothes when they winched me out of the drained pond, where I had sunk up to my neck. No one knew I had lost my clothes until the great hosing happened.

Mom was the den mother to all my pals growing up. She always planned on at least one extra place at the table, and she referred to my core set of buddies as “The Litter.” I would often come home from school (a trudge up a steep hill after school, probably several miles in the snow, if you catch my drift) only to find them pouring their hearts out to her, eating deli subs and gulping down soft drinks that she had bought for them. Then she would help us focus on homework, call various parents to let them know where their kids were. She taught us to carve pumpkins, spit watermelon seeds great distances, and notoriously, she taught us how to burp on command. She was the tomboy mom who earned their undying love and devotion.

Most of The Litter came from the parochial school where I was kicked out after about 2 weeks, (a family record) and so even though we went to different schools, we remained tight. Mom was invited to all of their weddings, and in one notable case to Officer Training School graduation on the east coast for one Littermate who lost his mother in grade school, and whom she loved more than all the others; this was the guy that she famously said that she would have jumped his bones if she was his age, and let me say for the record I have never felt more horrified in my entire life.

She taught me how to box, how to surf, to never use adverbs, how to pin a corsage on a girl’s Prom gown (“Don’t. Just don’t. Stop it.”), Martinis are always shaken and Manhattans are always stirred, and that kindness is better than smarts, which was very funny considering that she was the brains of the family.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. I suspect that the angels are shaking up a Martini and that the Saints are trying to impress you by spitting watermelon seeds for distance and accuracy.

Impeachment and the Single Wingnut

Posted by Tengrain May 12th, 2013

Sweet Baby Jeebus with a Subpoena, Wingnuttia is starting earnestly to talk about impeaching The Kenyan Usurper, according to Tiger Beat on the Potomac:

Senator John McCain, who famously defended his then presidential opponent Barack Obama against an islamaphobic supporter during a 2008 campaign rally, defended President Obama once again on ABC’s This Week Sunday, cautioning his Republicans colleagues to cool it with talk of impeaching the President over the Benghazi attacks and its aftermath.

I was around during the Clinton years, when every two-bit grifter with an (R) after his name chased the Clenis around the country. They spoke of impeaching him before there was even a forced crime of low-level perjury, and by any measure of sanity the 1990s-era wingnut was the model of sobriety and good mental health compared to the New Millennium Edition Wingnut with new and improved Teabagging added to seal in the freshness.

Senatorette Miss Lindsey Graham is calling Benghazi! Benghazi! BENGHAZI! Obama’s Watergate (and if that doesn’t take your breath away, I’m not sure what will), and now that the local Cincinnati IRS office has gone rogue and investigating Teabagger money-laundering organizations resulting in headlines of Obama’s IRS…, well you know. The Crazy has become both industrial strength and weaponized.

There are a thousand reasons for us lefties to not like Obama (and I’m sure in the comments we will be told 1,001 reasons, probably from long-time Scissorheads, and you know who you are), but the fact remains that there is no High Crime and Misdemeanor in any of this.

And remember this: I knew Ambassador Chris Stevens; we went to high school together; we hung out with the same friends; he went to a party at my house. None of us from back then (that I know of, and we talked, many of us did talk) are outraged at the Administration. We are–including his family–outraged that the Right is making his tragic death a political witch hunt.

Yes, it is personal. No one should be exploited like this.

Bad Packaging, cont.

Posted by Tengrain May 12th, 2013

Beat the Clark Sisters

Beat the Clark Sisters?

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Mr. C. Montgomery Burns)

Sanford: No hard feeling, GOP!

Posted by Tengrain May 12th, 2013

“…but if y’all want to feel something hard, Ah’m your man,” Sanford did not say while winking and flicking his lizard tongue.

“What I’m going to do is, in essence, look under the hood at a whole host of things,” he said. “What are y’all wearing?,” he did not say while breathing hard.

(The Hill)

Bad Ads – Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, cont.

Posted by Tengrain May 11th, 2013

Cigar is just a cigar

Holy cow! It’s a 1950s orgy!

I Enjoy a One Take

Posted by GRS May 11th, 2013

I weep for Mark Faceberg

Posted by Tengrain May 11th, 2013

From Salon:

On Wednesday, AT&T announced that it was dropping the price of the HTC First smartphone, which comes with Facebook Home built in, from $99 to 99 cents. Think about that: a new smartphone, priced to jump off the shelves at Dollar General. It’s a great deal, but it is also hugely embarrassing for Zuckerberg.
[snip]

Even worse: More than half of Facebook Home’s 15,000 user reviews give the app just one star. A typical review:

Uninstalled after 1 min
Just takes a nice phone and ruins the interface. Waste of time.

So it was a solution looking for a problem.