While the Internet was Dark …..
Now that the internet is back on, I thought I’d tell all of you what you’ve been missing. No, not the race for republican nominee, not the idiocy that pops out of the mouths of candidates, their surrogates, or the media, not even SOPA news or anything Obama has done.
You missed purity bears!
The Purity Bear Will Cockblock You Until You’re Married
via Jezebel
Hey guys, have you met The Purity Bear? He’s a plush toy who appears to tempted teens and warns them without moving his mouth that going inside a girl’s house will inevitably lead to sex having, and sex having before marriage is literally the worst decision you could possibly make.
In spite of the fact that this could easily be parody, this video is a very real effort to promote the very real Day of Purity. On that Pure of Days, everyone focuses on their genitals for awhile, and somehow that makes them better people. Pure people.
This Purity Bear video also teaches us an important lesson about women, namely that they’re usually the ones responsible for tricking men into getting turned on, and they’re always demanding sex from poor, defenseless, virtuous, chaste dudes. It happened in Twilight when Bella spent like 3 books humping Edward’s leg before he agreed to put out, it happened to Sir Galahad, the Chaste in that castle full of horny virgins, and it’s happening here, right on this now besotted doorstep. For shame, woman. For shame, women.
Visibly absent from this scenario was the Artie The Angry Trouser Python, who appears to men and tells them to never turn down a handjob.
Right Wing Watch even has video!
But, if you feel the need, you can talk about politics or news if you need to. But I will be sitting here wondering if and how junior there is cuddling with the bear with deep voice….
—TexBetsy
Probably a good thing PB doesn’t move his mouth.
going inside a girl’s house will inevitably lead to sex having,
This is true.
~
Strange, but my years of experience as a teen lead me to believe that going inside a girl’s house leads to pizza and cola.
It is only by going inside the girl herself that one is led to sex, and that is best arranged anywhere other than inside the girl’s house, even when her parents are supposedly away for the weekend.
What I like is the way that Xristians are still blaming Eve for the fall of man. That wanton strumpet trying to seduce that innocent child. The nerve!
Now, my experience as a tender youth was somewhat different, and if PB had shown up, it might have gotten a smack on the snout. But then, I might have gotten a smack on the snout, too.
Rgds,
TG
I didn’t miss it, because one cutting edge blog already had it the day before the blackout:
http://www.mockpaperscissors.com/2012/01/17/happy-hour-news-briefs-159/
Only YOU can prevent fornication.
You need to watch the Clerks II scene about Polly, the pussy troll !
H-bob, NOBODY watched Clerks II.
That cute li’l bear just saved that poor grrrl from making the biggest mistake of her life – hooking up with a sackless panzy Momma’s boy who would pray at bedside before failing to satisfy her.
Good work, Purulent bear!
And that is the love story of Rick Santorum and his wife. The End.
Rgds,
TG