Three Strikes and You’re Supposed to be Out
God would be having a very rough time in the Major Leagues the season
After over 2,000 years of silence [conversations with Jesus, Moses, Abraham and select others apparently were quite exhausting], America must truly be the chosen people [not the Jews] that God decided to become so chatty [and political] just as the 2012 US election got underway. But God is not speaking to everyone in his chosen nation – he (a true religious soul knows God is not a she) has only been speaking to people in the Republican Party. And what is God saying to those chosen people – to care for the needy? to be kind to your brethren? for peace and harmony? Of course not – God has been encouraging Republicans to
A) Run for the Presidency
B) Trash, demonize, obliterate, mock and be nasty to the current President
Apparently 2,000 years of being non-conversational unleashes a ton of negativity. If only King Tut could have talked, I wonder what he would have said about all those slaves building the pyramids
Here are some of the chosen people God has spoken to as of late:
Michele Bachmann – has stated that God has been quietly encouraging her to run for president. Bachmann told [that bastion of accuracy] the World Net Daily that she would never run without God’s personal endorsement. “If I felt that’s what the Lord was calling me to do, I would do it,” she answered. “When I have sensed that the Lord is calling me to do something, I’ve said yes to it. But I will not seek a higher office if God is not calling me to do it. That’s really my standard. If I am called to serve in that realm I would serve, but if I am not called, I wouldn’t do it.” Bachmann confirmed prior to jumping in the race in 2011 that she did “have that calling and that tugging on my heart.”
Herman Cain- While campaigning for president in December of 2010, Cain was feeling tired and discouraged [and unable to get all the poontang he needed] when he received a direct sign from God that he must continue. “I just know at this point I am following God’s plan.”
Rick Perry – Anita Perry [beard par excellence] said via The Political Wire that her husband Rick Perry was “called by God to run for president.” She further stated that some of his rivals for the Republican nomination “may feel like God called them too.”
That is three swings and three misses for God – which in baseball [his chosen nation's sport] usually means you’re out. But there are actually THREE ways God can still get to base [aka the White House] after those third strikes
1. The catcher drops the ball on the third strike (which would have a lot of implications for Rick Perry)
2. The catcher interferes
3. You have one more swing with your double super secret beacon of light Louisville (or in this case Pennsylvania) slugger
Rick Santorum – Karen Santorum [Mrs. Frothy] told CBN’s David Brody in May 2011 about her husband’s decision to run for president, “It really boils down to God’s will. What is it that God wants? We have prayed a lot about this decision, and we believe with all our hearts that this is what God wants.”
Coming to the $1 table as fast as you can say “Going Rogue”
Baseball is mentioned in the Bible, right up front. It says “In the big inning…”
God is a spammer?
Yes, yes, it’s true! God wants wants all you dumb motherfuckers to run!
It really really is all part of God’s plan. And it’s working too! His blessed plan is to drive a stake through the heart of the Republican Party and bury it in unhallowed ground.
God told Chimpy to invade Afghanistan and EyeRack, too. God’s SUCH a kidder.
Let’s face it, God is a major league asshole, and not a particularly bright one at that.
Amazing how “God’s wishes” and their own ambitions track so perfectly. If there WAS a God, HE or SHE would char these weasels to cinders….
I only stomp on Republicans because God told me to do so.