Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

  • Now that theocrat and frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter Rick Santorum has dropped out of the 2012 Goat Rodeo, semi-sentient robotic candidate Willard 2.0 gets an upgrade, and the Etch-A-Sketch Watch begins! (The New Republic)
  • Also/Too - Much to our chagrin, staff-banging serial-adulterer Newticles’ Worlds Greatest Book Tour® is renewed and his ego continues to run amok! “I am committed to staying in this race all the way to Tampa so that the conservative movement has a real choice!” (BuzzFeed) However, his filing fee cheque in Utah bounced! Whoopsie! (TPM)
  • New Beginnings - Did anyone know that Gomer, er, Mike Huckabee was starting a radio show to be the kinder, gentler Junkie Limbaugh? Me Neither!, but anyway, it’s true, and it is off to a great start. It seems that his first caller was a shill put in by the management to say great things about him, and now the mouth-breathing paste-eaters are calling it RINO Radio! (Mediaite)

3 Responses to “Happy Hour News Briefs”

  1. TheCunningRunt:

    At what point in your life would you ever have imagined that Mike Huckabee would fail a BSC (Bat-Shit Crazy) test??? This is an indication of how far the ship of Reicht-Wing Nut-Jobbery had drifted from the course of rational thinking. Apparently, if you can’t out-rant Rush, you aren’t truly “conservative.”

  2. Mike Flugennock:

    Much to our chagrin, staff-banging serial-adulterer Newticles’ Worlds Greatest Book Tour® is renewed and his ego continues to run amok! “I am committed to staying in this race all the way to Tampa so that the conservative movement has a real choice!”

    I think that should be “much to our delight” there, shouldn’t it? From this point on, Newt’s campaign oughta be pure comedy gold. Chagrin? Jeezus, what a terrible attitude. Wheeee-hahhh!! Go, Newt!


    Tengrain was here!

  3. Bruce388:

    It’s too bad Newt’s $500 check bounced, but that Tiffany’s bill won’t pay itself.