Happy Hour News Briefs
News on the rocks
Black Walnut says that the only color that matters this election is green.
- He’s Baaa-ack! - Black Walnut returns, and he wants us to know that if everyone had played fair he would “probably be the nominee being nominated this week.” Yeah, if only those women he’d molested hadn’t gone to the press. Anyway, he’s hiring investigators to find out who told these lies (we hope he goes in halvsies with OJ Simpson on this detective work). (Politico)
- The Free and Unfettered Press - Guess what?! It will only cost the press $30 to listen to notorious hate group lead hater Tony Perkins at his press conference. (Family Research Council)
- It must have been Heck for Willard - It seems CNN showed some sort of fanfic documentary of The Willard Mechanism, and they try to generate some sympathy for him sitting out the Viet Nam War in a chateau in Paris, after he was agitating for the war. (Mediaite)
I had no idea Willard suffered so horribly in France. That article says a lot. But you know what’s worse? Being around all that wine and not enjoying any of it.
On further review: Willard had a tough time in Paris. And those guys who crawled into the booby-trapped Viet Cong tunnels claim they had it so tough.
On further review II: Mediaite suspects the CNN story was satirical. Imagine the task of doing anything about Willard’s life story that wouldn’t appear satirical.