Happy Hour News Briefs
News that will drive you to drink
(BuzzFeed) People already started lining up for Black Friday on Monday.
- 4 Words - Papa John’s Appreciation Day. I guess because diabetes hate burgers at Chick-Fil-A were not enough for Jeebusland, so they want to pay tribute to the crappy pizza chain that is cutting workers’ hours rather than give them healthcare, for Freedom! (HuffPo)
- Long Arm of the Law - Meet child pornographer Lisa Biron, who also happens to be associated with a national coalition of Christian lawyers. (Concord Monitor)
- The Devil Made Them Do It - Notably foolish Charisma Magazine warns us that the Devil can rape you into being a sexual slave. Helpful terms from the article:
The two most identifiable sexual demons are the incubus, which is a male sexual demon that traditionally assaults women, and the succubus, which is a female sexual demon that assaults men. Sometimes they also lure people into homosexual behavior.
The author of the story was possessed by sexual demons, and had !gasp! erotic dreams, and says the succubus spirit that used to attack her confused her so much that she contemplated becoming a lesbian. (Charisma)
AFAF, do the sexay demons make house calls?
If those people have jobs, how can they camp out for a wk.? And if they don’t have jobs, is the Prez going to be buying them “gifts?”
AK, yes they do. Look under “Outcall Massage.”
They abuse you when you’re sleeping,
And tempt you when awake,
So you better flagellate yourself,
‘Til you’re only good to hate.
Oh, you better watch out,
I’m telling you why.
Keep you hands off your dick
Or else you could die,
Succubi are coming tonight.
Re: Papa John’s Appreciation Day.
A smart marketing guy at a competing chain might want to think about a reverse campaign. “We’re raising the price of our pizza $.05 so our employees can have the same health care our customers do! Loogie free pizza!”