Happy Hour News Briefs
News that will drive you to drink
Rev. Fishwater claims that the Second Amendment is from Jeebus, but He didn’t want you to use a sword to rip off the Nazareth 7-11.
- The Right to Life Ends at Birth - Won’t you help the owner of the cheapest rug in the Senate (it needs a chin-strap) Rand Paul as he grifts for legislation that declares that life begins at conception and “undo Roe v. Wade once and for all”? (National Pro-Life Alliance)
- Apologies - The lady who gave the NRO’s Rich Lowry “starbursts”, Mooselini has apologized for calling Republicans Wusses. (Politico)
- Hey guys, remember that time when unspeakable mix of lube and fecal matter Cardinal Frothy Santorum went before Congress with his favorite prop (his daughter Bella, who with a birth defect) and argued that the US should not ratify the UN treaty on the Rights of the Disabled (Essentially it is the Americans With Disabilities Act as a non-binding international standard) because it might interfere with the Xristian Xrazies ability to home-school their Jeebus-loves-dinosaurs kids? Me Neither!, but anyway, it seems that Wingnuttia actually listened to the sweater-vested Scold because the GOP Senate just voted to reject the treaty, and they stated that it was because it would interfere with home schooling. Well-played, Frothy, well-played. (TPM)
I’m confused as to whether this stream of douches constitutes a Clown Parade or an Open Sewer…
Jesus said “Damn, its hot on this valley. Why did the Nazarenes cross the Jordan, my ass. Simon. c’mere! I’ll tell ya what I’m zealous for. Here’s a couple of drachma. Head over to the Sev and grab me a Slurpee. Pomegranate if they have it. If not, fig’ll be fine. Get one fer yourself. Thanks Bud.”
Are we certain that Frothy doesn’t have a birth defect?