Happy Hour News Briefs
News that will drive you to drink
Bow Tie enthusiast and frozen teevee dinner heir Tucker (rhymes with f***er) Carlson says all Wiccans are either a “compulsive Dungeons & Dragons player or is a middle-aged, twice-divorced older woman living in a rural area who works as a midwife.”
- Tweet, twit, twat - The Cardinals who will vote on the next head of the international crime syndicate have been forbidden to use the Twitters:
“For most of the 117 red-vested princes of the church who are eligible to vote for a new pope, Twitter isn’t an issue at all. But the College of Cardinals does include at least nine active tweeters. From the moment they enter the Sistine Chapel to cast their ballots, they will be forbidden access to their accounts along with all other forms of communication with the outside world.”
Poor K-Lo has a sad. She was counting on her secret boyfriend and tweeting fool Cardinal Dolan to leak it to her so she could enjoy a little silent devotion and prayer time with her shower nozzle. (Catholic News Service)
- Ratified - Notably backwards state (last in every unit of measure worth noting) Mississippi has finally ratified the XIII amendment which bans slavery. (Clarion-Ledger)
- Hey guys, remember Dale Peterson? No? Maybe this will help:
He was just arrested for shoplifting beer. Yup, Republicans can do better than that. (TPM)
I swear, with republicans nowadays, I guess the Alabama GOP should be relieved that Dale didn’t have his transsgendered underage girlfriend in the car waiting for the beer. Because that’s how they roll.
Might I just say that Tucker Carlson is an idiot.
Not that that distinguishes him in any way from the rest of his Republican Punditry kine.
Like most tribes of plains Indians living a hundred-and-fifty years ago, the Cardinals communicate using smoke signals.
I noticed the revulsion laced attitude about twice divorced older women. Wonder if Tucks (hemmeroid product) feels the same disdain for twice divorced older men. I’m sure he must know a few, or dozens.