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(Petunia and Pals) The Fainting Couch suggests a vast, liberal conspiracy blocked Zero Dark Thirty’s performance at an industry trade show.
Today we cover great performances:
- Fresh Crayons! - Texas’ dimwit governor and theocrat secessionist Rick Perry says that Texas will always be a red state, as only he can:
“The University of Texas will change its colors to maroon and white before Texas goes purple, much less blue.”
- She sees things - The terrible queen of the sand people, of the sand kingdom of Arizonastan Jan Brewer tells us what she’s visually seen:
“I visually saw [Drug Cartels]. They’re staging. And they’re staging during the day and they come across at night.”
- Resignations! - International Crime Syndicate Cardinal Keith O’Brien of Scotland resigned suddenly over the weekend after he was revealed to have had several “inappropriate” relationships with priests. So now he will not be able to go to the Vatican to pal around with US criminals Cardinal Dolan, Cardinal Maloney to vote for a new Godfather. This also means that the United Kingdom will have no voice in the selection of the next Pope. (Think Progress)