The Further Adventures of Peggy Noonan
Anatomy of a Column
Yes! Verily, this doth be a second or bonus “Adventures of Peggy Noonan” for this week. Peggington Noonington doth been a busy-eth pundit this week, indeed.
eggy Noonan could not sleep, no amount of Bennies, no wine, nothing could make her fall asleep and it was three in the morning. “Too early to start the new day, and too late to conclude the old day, I’m in Limbo” she thought; her flannel Lanz of Salsbury nightgown, so soft, so warm, was hardly even wrinkled, the lace collar was pert. No tossing, no turning, no entering The Land of Nod. Noonan even tried reading some of the collected speeches of Harry Reid, usually a sure-fire cure for her insomnia. Nothing. Not even a yawn.
“Sensitivity is the bane of an educated mind,” she mused. “Maybe some of my friends are awake, I’ll make a few calls…”
“Mrs. Johnston, quit calling, Levi is over 18 and can make his own decisions, ” snarled MoDo and hung up. “Well,” thought Noonan, Maureen is awake.” Instinctively she reached for her ever-present pearls, and crossed her substantial ankles.
“Cokie,” whispered George Will, sounding constipated and clenched. “I told you never to call me at home,” and he hung up.
Noonan was greeted with the sound of vomiting when she called Mark Penn’s number, and she hung up quickly, the princess phone made a nice, heavy click in the cradle, so solid, so comforting.
Unlike the situation in Afghanistan, Noonan thought. The president, that likable man, that unqualified man, that man now sitting at the desk of Ronald Wilson Reagan, the greatest president of the last half of the last century, maybe the greatest president ever. Ronnie, so strong, so decisive, with such a vision of world-wide democracy, would never “dither” as Dick Cheney put it. “But was Obama dithering,” wondered Noonan, “or is he just being partisan?”
“And that’s the real question,” declared Noonan to her empty boudoir at the Aviary (her penthouse, so small, so chic) “why is Obama not holding Afghanistan discussions with Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice, Hadley, Feith, and Wolfowitz and other Republicans of note? They are the grownups and used to be the foreign-policy establishment, and they know a thing or two about the region. They’ve known it, intimately for the Bush I and Bush II presidencies, and many of them knew about the region during Ronnie’s presidency, and the unfortunate and unsuccessful colonization of Afghanistan by the Soviets, back when we called Afghanistan’s Mujahideen Freedom Fighters, before we called them terrorists.”
Noonan fixed herself a Mai Tai and turned on the thrusty, old RCA television (”flat panel my ass!”), which flickered to life. “Ah, Dragnet. Such a good show.”
“Just the Facts, Mr. President” — by Peggy Noonan
Priceless:
Instinctively she reached for her ever-present pearls, and crossed her substantial ankles.
Only a Republican would take Bennies as a sleep aid.
Too bad you couldn’t capture that breathy anticipation- or dare I say it- yearning- in her voice.
Just the facts, ma’am, as you see them through the eyes of the senile.
Welcome to MPS, Bko, it is good to have you with us.
Yes, Nooner’s sighs are hard to ignore. I shall endeavor to capture them, next time.
Regards,
Tengrain
this was the bestest Peggington ever!
give me advance notice and i will get you a picture