The Further Adventures of Peggy Noonan
Anatomy of a Column
eggy Noonan was sitting on one of the cunning bar stools down at the Chelsea Piers where she had once been, ingloriously, eighty-sixed from the stage by a six-foot Nancy Reagan impersonator with a 5-o’clock shadow (“just like the real Nancy,” Noonan snickered to herself) just as she was getting to the crescendo of Memories.
Noonan was starring into her rapidly diminishing Mai Tai, so cooling, so sweet, and wondered if Grenadine comes from Granada, that beleaguered land of off-shore unaccredited medical schools that Ronald Wilson Reagan, the greatest president of the last half of the last century, maybe the greatest president ever, liberated from the icy grip of communism in 1983.
“Hudson Austin, tear down that curfew,” Noonan had suggested Ronnie say when he declared war on Grenada.
“Ronnie was decisive in his decision, and effective in his execution,” murmured Noonan to her pineapple wedge, “unlike the current president, the usurper to Ronnie’s desk, that likable man who speaks so well and says nothing, the man who dithers and dawdles.” She gave the barkeep the universal signal for another round, a Jackson in her empty glass. Absent mindedly, her free bird-like hand fluttered up to her ever-present pearls.
Ronnie was a master strategist, Noonan concluded. He did not go into Granada and face down those other Caribbean nations without ensuring that his GOP base would support the drastic action. “And that,” Noonan declared, “is the difference.” But Obama isn’t really declaring war on Afghanistan, Noonan continued, but he is redeclaring it, indecisive and uninspiring, it is little wonder that the public has yawned and moved on.
Now, Lyndon B. Johnson, Richard Nixon, George W. Bush—when they addressed the nation about the wars they led, they received immediate support.
Looking at the TV, Noonan noted that the cadets of West Point, so brave and handsome, so handsome and brave, so sophisticated and sober, the young men and women who have seen their peers ship away, sometimes to never be seen again, or worse, to be seen again, wounded. To address these young people, some of whom may die executing your plan, well, they are not your backdrop, Mr. Obama. Even when George W. Bush used them as a backdrop, he at least gave them Republican tear-jerking bellicosity.
“I, I -ay, yiyiyi,” murmured Noonan, “you would think by now someone would have told Obama the rule of not calling attention to himself.”
Noonan started counting the number of times Obama said “I”, and quickly ran out of fingers. Balancing precariously on the cunning bar stool, Noonan crossed her legs, ample calves compressed, she removed one shoe, a comfortable well-worn loafer, unlike the mortal sin Mika Brzezinski wore on television, and continued counting all the times Obama said, “I”.
“Fifteen!” she said aloud, shocked.
“Yes, Ma’am,” the barkeep replied. “Mai Tais are a lot of work, rum, and pineapple. I’ll keep the change, too.”
Obama Redeclares War — by Peggy Noonan
Bonus!! I’ve been playing with the movie software, again…
Wonderful and I LOVE the new header, too. xo
Almost makes me wish I had a life-size Reagan cutout for when I drink. Gotta toss the cookies somewhere.
So perfect. Thank you, T.
you know after she crossed her legs she let out a huge smelly belch..
i love the movie – i am submitting it for oscar consideration
You’ve done it again 10G…entered the raddled mind of Peggington Noonington and created another minor masterpiece…always get a couple of good chuckles reading them…thanks!
PS We’re all waiting for the release of the book containing your Noonan Snarks.
Thanks, TG! And did she really call Obama “boorish”?–Obama? If Obama is boorish, I can’t think of an adjective strong enough to hang on GWBush.
Psychobroad -
She did indeed call Obama boorish.
As for Chimpy, I find the word “sociopathic” works, but I usually settle for zorked.
Regards,
Tengrain
Bravo – you are THE master of snark!
It’s scary how you do this.
Pissed,
It’s a gift, and I didn’t get the receipt.
Regards,
Tengrain
Whoosh!
Seeing her so deliberately repulsive mannerisms brought the quick revulsive response and I had to strain not to just frow-up on the TV right then.
I think you may have hit upon the psychological tool that could allow us to take back the country.
Tape all these hogs up close and personal, and show their every expression and body movement as they nod and wink and slur those outside their inner circle.
It’s so horrible to consider at close quarters and so obvious in that type of replayable scenario that the self-aggrandisement of those who are solely self considering comes through without any second-thought editing.
Perfectly revealing.
It might just work.
S
Awesome! I especially like the sparkly bits. When will you make the leap from Peggy Noonan crush to Peggy Noonan stalker?
Zaius – You got an address?
Rgds,
TG
Sluts and weak men! Where are Saint Ronnie and Phyllis Schlafly when you need them?