Mock, Paper, Scissors

Annabelle Gurwitch is a comedy writer, actress, comedienne and super fabulous dame. She took her role of Safe House Team Leader for the Womb Warrior’s Resistance and created magic. This is hilarious – SHE IS HILARIOUS.

Tomorrow, we vote. In my humble opinion, all of us should vote for Obama. I realize that there are many people who are still uncertain and feel like they shouldn’t bother voting. If you don’t vote, your voice won’t be heard. Even if you dislike both candidates, please consider voting for Obama. He will protect our civil liberties, women’s rights, equal rights and bolster the economy. Supreme court appointees won’t be right wing zealous nut jobs. Those are perks, right?

Romney doesn’t care about the 47%. Romney has no platform to speak of, except for his secret 5-point plan. Too bad his penis isn’t on the chopping block. Anyway, I digress… Romney won’t create jobs in America, but he will abroad.

If you want to check out the other 7 installations of Romneggedon (1/1.5 mins each), go for it.

1. San V, Kira Soltanovich
2. Puckers, Katya Lidsky
3. Charlotte Bartholmew, Sascha Alexander
4. Flexi, Ali MacLean
5. Mugwumps, Kelly Carlin
6. Mish, Julie Goldman
7. Clippy, Becky Thyre

We had a ball making it. This was a passion project near and dear to my heart. As a Jewish woman, I was raised with the phrase (didn’t mean to rhyme) “Never forget.” I haven’t forgotten. Dictatorships and genocide is very much a part of our lives in 2012. If we elect Romney into office, can we really say with certainty that we won’t be looking at a post-apocalyptic vaginal warfare scenario? I can’t.

In this vignette of Romneggedon, the divine comedienne, Miss Kira Soltonavich (we LOVE her work), is playing, San V. Because of San V’s overwhelmingly flawless fertility, Romney surgically implanted several wombs and ovaries, so her wombs would be handled by the US Cabinet to produce the finest and whites Christian soldiers.

In my humble opinion, our lady parts depend on Obama winning the election Tuesday. Romney is dangerous. While Romneggedon seems fantastical and impossible, again, I ask, what if we’re wrong? Is it a risk that we’re willing to take? The man is a zealous religious nut-job with an agenda that is predicated on lies. OY and VEY.

Via the League of Women’s Voters, find out where you go to vote. For the democratic ballot, click here.

Katya Lidsky is an outstanding comedienne, performer and actress. She played, Puckers, an extraction team leader for the Womb Warrior’s Resistance.

I know that the concept of a Romneggedon seems impossible, especially in America. What if we’re wrong? It’s almost 2013, dictators and genocide is very much a reality in the world. Are we so unwavering in confidence that Romney could NEVER turn a democracy that already crosses too many religious boundaries into a singular religious dictatorship?

As a Jew, I was raised to “Never forget” what Hitler and the Nazi’s did. Part of never forgetting is anticipating implausible possibilities, not conspiracy theories, at least not for me.

Sadly, I worry about degrees of a Romneggedon in the hands of Romney.

I’m proudly voting for Obama. I hope that you do, too.

Meet, Charlotte Bartholomew (Sascha Alexander), a good Christian with a Bad Womb. Vote Obama 2012!

Meet Mish, Freedom Fighter for the Womb Warrior Resistance played by the insanely talented, Julie Goldman

If we don’t vote for Obama, Romney will wage vaginal warfare on women. Women will no longer be able to get safe and legal abortions. Women will not be allowed to use birth control. Women will not get adequate, quality healthcare.

Imagine Romney being voted into office, a terrifying notion for inumberable reasons. For me, ROMNEGGEDON is my biggest fear, a post apocalyptic world where Romney’s been voted into office and waged vaginal warfare on women

I am SO DONE with right wing politicians and zealot religious groups inserting themselves into my lady parts. I AM the GENERAL OF MY WOMB, not them. When I was 21, I had an abortion. I stopped a process. Never, not once have I regretted my decision. Being a pro-choice/pro-life feminist, I always knew that if I got knocked up and it wasn’t on my terms, I would choose to terminate the process. Once I was in the situation, I needed a minute to figure things out and find my way, knowing all the while that nothing would change my mind. My point, this isn’t an easy decision. Whatever our reasons are for making it, I don’t think any of us enter into it lightly. Speaking for myself, I did it for all the right reasons. I wrote an essay about it here, Homesick Abortion (pro choice), if you want to read it. No pressure.

Among other things, when the Oversight Committee chaired by Issa convened on 2/16/12, which omitted women, my swelling desire to be a part of the conversation consumed me. Being a comedy writer/producer, I channeled all of that energy into my passion, to create a short film that put a new spin on the narrative chronicling the absurdity of the debacle unfolding before me.

As a result,  THE PENIS FILES, a political satire/mockumentary was born, a story that encapsulated women’s rights, LGBT rights and Obamacare. I had the privilege of working with many of my heroes in comedy. This is a short film, 16 minutes. Below, you’ll find the entire short and links to the two official trailers (30/45) seconds each. I hope that you will watch and share. I hope that for those of us who want to take action, do.

SYNOPSIS: Until “The Olson Penis” was created 10-years ago, historically men’s penises grew for procreation when a woman ovulated and retracted immediately. 200 years ago, men who were devoutly religious and in a married monogamous relationship experienced penile growth for procreation only. Conversely, women have always been born with vaginas and sexual freedom not governed by religion or politics. In February, a committee of women met to discuss “The Olson Penis” being covered by Obamacare.

Official Trailer #1, Official Trailer #2.

Katie Schwartz

A year ago today, the Kenyan Usurper Hawaiian Devil Baby introduced the American Jobs Act, which by all measures would have added at least 1,000,000 new jobs and a full-percentage point to the American gross domestic product.

It was blocked by the Republicans, who said it would be another failed stimulus (forgetting that the other stimulus actually worked).

If you are cursed to have a Republican representative in either house of congress, why don’t you send them a snail-mail card? (Staffers say that paper letters are weighted at something like 10X getting an email.) You can find their addresses here.

This is not a pro-Obama plea, this is a pro-American plea. Here in Silicon Valley where we allegedly have gainful employment, I am watching waves of layoffs as more and more engineering is off-shored. But it is happening in our public sector, too. The Mayor of San Jose, Chuck Reed (a knuckle-headed Real Estate Attorney) demonized the Police and Fire Departments, introduced a ballot initiative to freeze their pay and cut their pensions (it won), and now he is baffled why many have quit their departments in San Jose to work at neighboring city’s departments.

(Think Progress)

I’m in Cali phone banking for the WI Recall-the-Governor election tomorrow – and you can help get-out-the-Vote, too:

Click this link to Call.Democrats and register. The website gives you a script and a running list of names and phone numbers, and you just call and talk to allegedly registered Democrats and record their responses on the website.

Mostly it is just answering machines (time of day, or maybe they are sick of callers… like ME!) but sometimes you get to talk to a real, live voter in WI. And you know that thing about Midwestern niceness? Let’s just say that it is not universally true, but it mostly is.

Given the way we’ve been dog-piling on the wholly-owned, wall-eyed git and middle-manager of the Koch Brothers MidWest Division, I thought it was important to actually DO SOMETHING.

Anyway, it is a chance to be an activist for just the cost of a few phone calls, so what the heck, give it a try.

Regards,

TG

OK, not me, or at least not this time. I mean a cheap and easy solution for ProFlowers and FTD avoiders so that you are not inadvertantly supporting the Human Hindenburg:

1. Use Yelp! to find the best florist in the city where you want to send flowers.
2. Call them.
3. Order the flowers to be delivered.

It seems obvious to me, but the cost of the phone call is way less than the cost of the FTD network.

Following Buy Nothing Day, today is Shop Local Day.

The idea is if you really need to spend some money (that is, if you have money to spend, and let’s not assume too much, fellow hobos) then spend it in your local community where it not only stays, but has a multiplier effect. The buck you spend at the Mom and Pop hardware store will be used to pay their staff, who might then use the buck to buy a slice of pie at the local bakery, and so on.

(Local=Independently owned and operated, is not the same thing as the local big box store. One of my neighbors doesn’t make that distinction and talks about supporting our local Target store; she seems blissfully unaware that ever buck she spends goes back to Minnesota and often is used in repressive GOP and Xristian Xrazy lobbying. )

Personally, I try to support local independent bookstores. They’ve taken it on the chin for a decade or more. The one I use in San Jose is literally the last Indy in town and they (Hicklebees) will order any book for me and have it at the store to pick-up within three days, faster than Amazon has ever delivered anything. Sure it’s full price, but without the delivery cost it comes out to be the same. I can even order the book on their website, so I only make the trip over there once.

Happy Buy Local Day!

…go home!

Says Scissorhead Mike Flugennock of his latest political cartoon:

Y’know, I really am jealous of the Greeks – not because of the shape their economy’s in, nor because of the corruption of their government and its servility to capital, nor because of the state-imposed “austerity” programs they struggle against. I’m jealous of the Greeks and other Europeans because they haven’t forgotten how to fight in the streets – unlike US activists, for whom “direct action” these days means standing around, waving signs or holding candles in front of the White House in the dark.

In Greece right now, unionists, students and anarchists are taking on the police, kicking ass and taking names in the streets. They aren’t taking “austerity” lying down. They’ve made the country virtually ungovernable.

Meanwhile, in the bad old USA, “progressives” are “fighting” the imminent loss of hard-won social safety nets by waving signs, having vegan potluck dinners and teach-ins, and voting Democratic – in spite of the mountain of evidence that the Democratic Party doesn’t give a rat’s ass about them today (as if they ever did)…

C’mon, Americans – off your asses and into the streets. It’s time to get your Greek on!

Well said, and as always, well drawn, sir.

The punditocracy, the villagers, just about everyone is trying to make this midterm a referendum on President Carebear.

“He overreached,” or “He betrayed us,” or “He doesn’t feel our pain.”

REMINDER: Obama is not up for re-election, it’s both houses of Congress.

Did Nobama overreach? The President does not write laws, his role is to execute them.

Did he betray us? The President does not write laws, his role is to execute them.

Does he feel our pain? Who cares. That’s not his job to be lip-biter-in-chief.

There’s plenty of reasons to vote the rascals in Congress out. But, from a strictly left perspective I also suggest that what ever significant progress we’ve made these past 18 months or so has been thanks to Nancy Pelosi’s leadership, not President Carebear’s leadership (which strictly speaking has been lacking from day 1). Pelosi has been very effective at getting votes to pass significant bills and move them into the Senate where they become watered down or killed.

You want someone to blame, start with the Senate.

Here’s the deal, as I see it: any vote for the GOP (literally any) is a vote against yourself and a vote against democracy. If you think that the Huns and the Visigoths were dreamy, then you will love the 2010 GOP. They will sell you out to the highest bidder in a heartbeat; they are wholly-owned by the corporations; in a word, the GOP are fascists. The GOP will take this country on a lemming-style Bataan Death March, and Tex gives us the things to expect from them.

You want to exact revenge on President Carebear, wait until 2012. Today, your job is to vote for you own, best interests.

“I don’t think we came from monkeys. I think that’s ridiculous. I haven’t seen a half-monkey, half-person yet.”

–Glenn Beck

Look in the mirror, fool.

And so it goes. The talking heads of the right dither and blather this line of unintelligent pablum to give an “aw, shucks we’re jes’ plain folks, too” image to the suckers in the nincompoop party, and it works. And then they laugh all the way to the bank with Goldline paychecks.

From Saint Ronnie ending the Cold War, to the Kenyan Usurper being a secret Muslin, the fantasyland of these imbeciles seems unbounded and limitless, and no amount of calmly reciting facts and figures changes anything in their pea-sized brains.

I keep saying this to anyone who will listen: facts don’t matter to them, you will not win an argument with facts when your opponent really is howling-at-the-moon crazy. These people could watch Obama’s mommy dilate and give birth right before them, and still claim with certainty that he was not born in America.

The way you fight them — and I’m being totally serious — is to laugh at them, long, hard, and loud. They want to be taken seriously as they tell you that Bush won the Iraq war, or that Obama has increased taxes, or that he is a Muslim. When you laugh at them, it makes them go non-linear.

Remember, these are the same nutjobbers who claimed that Clinton was both a serial rapist and a gay pedophile; that Hillary killed Vince Foster. These are the same fun-loving water-heads that once held a full week of hearings on the Clinton’s Christmas Card List.

So instead of earnestly wringing your hands, worrying about what the elections will bring, use your secret (and awesome) MPS Superpowers and mock these SOBs into obscurity. Remember, you are The Scissorheads, The Internets Band of Incorrigible Spitballers, so it is time to start spitballing.

Write letters to the editor of your local papers, make calls to your local talk shows, just ridicules these chumps, publicly, every chance you get. You know how to do it.

May the Farce be with you!

Seems like a great idea to me, you know, instead of bailing out the bankers. I know it takes an act of Congress to get members of Congress to remember that they actually work for us, so in an election year with 10%+ unemployment, maybe they might think twice before saying no to us little people. At anyrate, what can it hurt to try?

Nearly 1-in-10 Americans are out of work at the same time local governments are out of money to fix potholes, hire teachers and a keep cops on the beat.

But we can solve this problem and make our tax dollars do double duty by investing in public jobs that put people back to work. 

President Roosevelt did it during the great depression with the Works Progress Administration. And now progressive champ Rep. George Miller has proposed the Local Jobs for America Act to accomplish the same goal

(Hat tip: Pissed in NYC)

There is a petition asking President Obama to recognize the event. Please sign, if you agree with the sentiment. And if you do, please spread the word.

You already know that Ken Ham (Definitely Dumber than a Dolphin, Answers in Genesis) is working against it, right?

…over at Jonestown. Dashiell takes on patriotism, and this is so worth reading on a long national holiday weekend.

Scissorheads –

Heads up, kids! While the Wingnuts are running around teabagging on July 4th, a group of us lefty bloggers are planning to do something constructive: we are going to try to get 1 million cans of food into food banks across the country, and you can participate!

Here’s the deal: Reverand Phat over at Les Enragés and the unruly mob over there decided that they wanted to do something positive to counteract all the silliness of Wingnuttia, and to co-opt their event they are challenging the conservatives to participate in the food drive. Clever, n’est-ce pas?

Please see this post over at Les Enragés for details.

Now then, being such a nice guy, and having time on my hand, I have designed some badges to put on your websites and blogs for anyone who wants to participate. Besides the 4-color design shown here, I also have created badges with each of the individual cans in two sizes: 150 pixels and 250 pixels — for small and wider sidebars. The full sized versions are also available if you want to use them in a post.

Feel free to download them and use them, and I hope that everyone has a chance to participate. Let’s show the Teabaggers something constructive instead of something negative!

…hunting in Madrid?

Getty Images

Naw, it was a protest against bullfighting and a sun tanning extravaganza!

MADRID, SPAIN – MAY 24: Anti-bullfighting demonstrators lay covered in fake blood at the Plaza de Toros de Las Ventas on May 24, 2009 in Madrid, Spain. An estimated of 300 demonstrators protested for the abolition of bullfighting.

The conference is over, and it is time to head back to California. Madison is truly a pretty city (Motto: Berkeley of the Midwest, Austin of the North… everyone keeps telling me this). Somehow they have managed to preserve a lot of their architectural heritage without making the city a petting zoo for the Antiques Roadshow.

I have one more small story from the conference that just stays with me that I need to process – maybe the Scissorheads can help.

Cindy Sheehan is on stage giving some final remarks – she is pretty unfiltered, there is no polite pre-digested sound bites. She does not do the obligatory “Obama’s election was historical, but…” preamble that so many others did. She pretty much jumps into her thesis with, “If you liked George Bush’s wars, you are going to love Obama’s – because he has the exact same foreign policy…” and she was off at the races.

When she came back to the table (yes, we were sitting together now), her iPhone started buzzing, and she read the message and then showed it to our table: “FUCK OFF YOU STUPID BITCH. YOU ARE A LOSER.”

She didn’t seem surprised by it, though I was shocked.

Here’s the part I need help with: are we on the left just as guilty of ideological purism as the right? Are we purging voices the same way Rush & Co, are gleeful over Arlen Specter leaving the GOP?