Mock, Paper, Scissors

…and then he became California’s Gropenator.

Here we go again, another GOP youthful indescretion…

(Hubba-hubba! Pete Domenici ABC News)

Statement by Pete Domenici More than 30 years ago, I fathered a child outside my marriage. The mother of that child made me pledge that we would never reveal that parenthood, and I have tried to honor that pledge and so has she. I have been concerned about the burden of privacy on the son Adam Laxalt.

I am also worried about the impact of these revelations on his mother, Michelle Laxalt. However, rather than have others breach this privacy, I have decided to make this statement today. These circumstances now compel me to reveal this situation.

My past action has caused hurt and disappointment to my wife, children, family, and others. For that I am solely responsible. My family has been aware of these events for several months. I have apologized as best as I can to my wife, and we have worked together to strengthen our relationship.

I deeply regret this and am very sorry for my behavior. I hope New Mexicans will view that my accomplishments for my beloved state outweigh my personal transgression. I only ask that everyone respect the privacy of my family and the son’s mother. None of them wanted this publicity, none of them deserve the hurt of this revelation, and only I should bear the brunt of this matter.

It should be noted for the record that Senator Domenici voted to impeach Bill Clinton over a blow job, which I believe would be when his young bastard would be oh, less than 10. But then again, Domenici would have been a youthful and indiscreet man of 50 or so. Anyway onto the woman he done wrong (emphasis mine):

Statement by Michelle Laxalt
I come from a political family and learned early in life the value of privacy. I vowed that I would make personal decisions based not on politics, but on my values. This self-pledge was tested when one night’s mistake led to pregnancy more than 30 years ago. I chose to go through with that pregnancy, although other choices were available. I also chose to raise my child as a single parent. Given the fact that both my father and the father of my child were United States senators, I felt strongly that I would make this choice according to my values, and would not seek advice, input or permission. My interaction with my child’s father consisted of telling him my decision, asking that he avail himself for health-related purposes, and asking that he agree that this remain private between the two of us.

I raised my son, Adam Paul, as a single parent. He lived surrounded by love and joy and opportunity. I am proud of him, yet saddened that the circumstances of his birth might be used like a weapon to hurt many we love. Recently information has come to me that this sacred situation might be twisted, re-written out of whole cloth, and shopped to press outlets large and small in a vicious attempt to smear, hurt and diminish Pete Domenici, an honorable man, his extraordinary wife, Nancy, and other innocents.

Why after more than 30 years, would anyone insinuate pain and ugliness where joy and beauty have presided?

Well, it takes some brass to talk about values as they relate to making the sign of the beast with two backs with a colleague of your father’s and of his age (ewww, gross) and not married to you. It is also telling that a person with your entitlement and privileges can lead a successful life following your youthful indiscretion.

Again, I don’t care who consents to have a relationship with whom. But I do think that when it comes to professional scolds like Pete Domenici it becomes much more interesting. His hypocrisy is stunning. As for Michelle Laxalt (a noted Fox Contributor) she was able to raise a fine son (he sounds very accomplished, truly), but as a daughter of a Senator and Governor it is safe to say she was not on her own. It is rather galling that Wingnuts want to cut the social safety net for single moms who do not happen to be having bastards with Senators.

UPDATE 1: Charlie Pierce has the best Domenici story I’ve read yet.

(ABQ Journal)

What is it about governors of the Palmetto state and adultery? First there was infamous amateur castanets player and Appalachian Trail hiking Governor Mark “Kiss Me South of the Border” Sanford with his Argentine firecracker lady, and now current governor and alleged adulteress Nikki Haley finds herself listed as a party in a divorce proceeding.

Take it away, Crooks and Liars:

S.C. Gov. Nikki Haley is one of three “other women” named in a divorce lawsuit filed in Richland County, S.C. earlier this month.

According to court documents obtained exclusively by FITS, Jennifer Marchant – wife of prominent S.C. State House lobbyist Larry Marchant – is suing her husband for divorce on the grounds of infidelity.

One of the three women Marchant accuses her husband of cheating on her with? You guessed it … Haley.

The lawsuit was filed in Richland County family court on February 6 . A preliminary hearing in the case has been scheduled for 11:00 a.m. on February 20.

Marchant submitted an affidavit in October 2010 – swearing that he and Haley had a one night stand in Salt Lake City, Utah in June 2008.

Generally, I don’t give a damn who is inserting tab A into slot B, but when that person is a professional scold and Xristian Xrazie, I think it makes it more interesting. When it is someone who is actively limiting access to sex education, family planning, and ultimately the ability to have a safe and legal abortion, while wrapping it all up in a sneering, slut-shaming bow, well, maybe I take more notice.

Haley is famous for saying that women don’t care about contraception… but I’m willing to bet she used some when she was making the beast with two backs with someone not her husband.

(Crooks and Liars)

Another GOP rising star caught red-handed, if you know what I mean and I think you do:

“Nebraska Lt. Gov. Rick Sheehy resigned Saturday after “breaking the public trust,” Gov. Dave Heineman said.”

“The Omaha World-Herald reported that Sheehy resigned after it raised questions about improper cellphone calls to four women, none of which were his wife, during the past four years. The World-Herald said in its online additions Saturday that it discovered Sheehy made thousands of late-night calls to the women on his state-issued cellphone.”

They fail to mention if Senator Vitter gave him the phone numbers, but still! Thousands of calls?! Dude needs a hobby. Um, another hobby.

(Politico and CNN)

The crack research team at Mock, Paper, Scissors has done it again! We’ve spent literally minutes analyzing all the known players and whatnot involved in the nefarious Petraeus Sexy-Time Affair and documented the timeline in this handy cut-out-and-keep chart!

(Actual factual information from The Week)

…due to marital infidelity:

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

…to which I can only say, if the head spy couldn’t keep it a secret, he couldn’t have been that good at his job.

Another Bush retread out because he couldn’t keep it zippered.

(Crooks and Liars)

Well, that didn’t take long!

(Daily Beast) Is this the face that launched a thousand quips?

“After a marathon meeting to decide his fate, the board of trustees of The King’s College, a small evangelical school based in Manhattan, announced Thursday that conservative author Dinesh D’Souza had resigned as president. Former president and current chairman Andy Mills, who made the announcement to faculty and staff, will return as interim president for a third time.”

Alert readers may recall that intellectually dishonest and morally degenerate GOP sex lizard and notable word-writer D’vorce D’Spousa was taking his mistress with him on book signing tours and introducing her as his fiancée, even though he is currently still married to his current wife, and it seems his squeeze is still married to her current husband, which, technically makes them, oh, what’s the word? ADULTERERS and of course Xristian Xrazie hypocrites. Oh, he was also pulling in a cool million bucks per year to be the president of a school with a total enrollment of about 400 students (give or take), so that was some expensive slap and tickle ol’ D’vorce was playing. Anyway, let’s continue shall we?

“God has a mighty future for Dinesh, but there are some things he has to go through first,” Mills said after breaking the news to King’s students Thursday afternoon.

“Some things to go through first”? oh, like maybe a little FIRE AND BRIMSTONE AND ETERNAL DAMNATION?!

Burn them.

(Daily Beast)

Dinesh D’Souza introduces his fiancée at an Xristian Xrazie book signing event, even though his 20 year marriage has not ended. Yet.

(Salon)

We here at the innernets intersection of Snark and Spitball Mock, Paper, Scissors if truth be told are nothing if not a bit sentimental, and perhaps a tad romantic, and it is with that thought in mind I bring you great tidings of joy:

Former Appalachian Trail hiking sex fiend, and former South Carolina Governor and Xristian Xrazy scold and infamous horn-dog Mark Sanford is now engaged to his Argentine firecracker mistress lady with whom he cheated on his then-wife!

Yes, today the story can be told:

Former S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford has proposed marriage to his girlfriend, Maria Belen Chapur, according to a Argentinian newspaper, Clarin.

According to a story in the newspaper’s society section, the two “became engaged last Wednesday, at noon, in the Palermo restaurant Bella Italia Grill.”

The paper said Sanford arrived early at the restaurant and gave “a bag with the (engagement) ring to one of the waiters,” asking him to “to invent a good story for his girlfriend.”

Sanford then hid in a bathroom.

When Chapur arrived, the waiter said she had won “a prize” for being the 100th customer of the day and handed her the bag, which she opened, finding the ring. Sanford then appeared.

“What followed was a long moment of kisses, tears and emotions. There were heartfelt words and promises of eternity,” according to the Clarin article.

Sanford met Chapur in 2001 in Uruguay.

So romantic! The adulterer has found the adulteress of his dreams (until he–or she–cheats again)! I’m sure Newticles and Callista be the best man and matron of dishonor.

(The State via Political Wire)

Video of Callista social grooming Newticles – Secret Video: Newt Gingrich’s Creepy Wife Grooming Him Like a Circus Walrus

The moment when Callista pops on the screen, for me it was like when the Alien leaps out of Jon Hurt’s chest. I ran for the door!

(Gawker)

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Mr. C. Montgomery Burns)

“All I can promise you is that I believe [Callista] will quite happy tomorrow night. And we’re going to have a nice, little private – I think the first time in a while, we have a private dinner, and just hopefully exchange gifts and, you know, reconnect a little bit, but she’s uh –”

–Newticles on his St. Valentine’s Day plans.

Reconnect? Is that what Wingnuts call blow jobs?

(Fox News via Wonkette)

…the all-new Callista-o-Matic!

(What will they think of next?)

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Deborah)

I just realized the Newticles did indeed soar on the wings of cheating eagles yesterday as Mooselini predicted in her word salad.

It takes brass balls after that to lecture us on the sanctity of marriage, but then again… South Carolina has made a sort of name for itself in this business of walking the Appalachian Trail.

The secret weapon, I think, that the GOP deploys to convince the low information Pig People to vote for whatever appalling candidate or hair-brained scheme-du-jour is their incredible ability to be the victim.

The victim of what, you ask?

What have you got, I reply. We see it from the homophobes at NOM who claim that Marriage Equality means that they cannot express themselves as Xristians (victims), to the 1 Percenters who think that they are victims of the Occupy movement. If the Xristian Xrazies and the rest of Wingnuttia didn’t have victimization to fall back on, I don’t think that they would get out of bed in the morning. But I digress…

Today we are treated to the spectacle of infamous bomb-thrower Newt Gingrich. Over the past month, no one has done more to take Mitt Romney down a peg or two in the opinion polls. The sustained attack on Bain Capital have been very successful and Newticles snide and sneering tone has been a joy to watch. The right despises him because he broke Saint Ronnie’s eleventh commandment.

So you would think that Republicans everywhere would be delighted that Newticles is about to be pimp-slapped on prime time TeeVee from the woman he done wrong (and cheated on for 6 years before divorcing) who is going to air the dirty laundry about Newt’s various staff-banging infidelities.

You would be wrong.

You see, Newticles is the victim here. Let’s start with the small fry first:

So there’s no questioning staff-banging serial adulterer Newticles credibility.

Now let’s move on to a bigger, dumber fish, Mooselini. Griftzilla of course has an opinion on this and if you guess that it’s the Lamestream Media’s fault, you win a cigar. Anyway, she claims that airing this interview will backfire (on whom? who cares!) and that Newticles will soar like an eagle:

PALIN: I call them dumbarses. They, thinking that by trotting out this old Gingrich divorce interview that’s old news — and it does feature a disgruntled ex, claiming that it would destroy his campaign — all it does, Sean, is incentive conservatives and independents who are so sick of the politics of personal destruction, because it’s played so selectively by media, that their target, in this case Newt, he’s now going to soar even more. Because we know the game now, and we just won’t put up with it.

So the world champ grifter believes, because, well, being the victim is a winning card for her, resentment is her best color when it is blood libel red.

But here’s the big kahuna, this is the proof that you need (if you need any) that being the victim is the trump card in Wingnuttia. Four-times married Junkie Limbaugh knows how to be the victim of a woman, dontchaknow?

But it gets better:

LIMBAUGH: I got a great note from a friend of mine. “So Newt wanted an open marriage. BFD. At least he asked his wife for permission instead of cheating on her. That’s a mark of character, in my book. Newt’s a victim. We all are. Ours is the horniest generation.” [...] That’s from a good friend of mine, “Newt’s slogan ought to, ‘Hell, yes, I wanted it.’” (laughing) I’m sharing with you how some people are reacting to this.

I’m sure by breakfast tomorrow the Pig People will all be murmuring in agreement that Newt’s the victim, that those dirty f***ing hippies are shoving this nasty sex junk in their faces, and that the librul media is to blame, because they have it out for conservatives.

(Conservatives who are staff-banging serial adulterers.)

(Original: Getty Images)

Newt Gingrich held a town hall meeting at Jones Memorial AME Zion Church, a black church in Columbia, where about 50 people gathered to hear the speaker. Over about an hour, he fielded questions on comments he made about about blacks and welfare, and his characterization of Obama as a “food stamp president.” He didn’t back down from that statement, yet the visit allowed him to make good on his pledge to take his message to “ethnic communities.”

(WaPo)

Talentless monosyllabic slab Todd Palin, the grifting husband of Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin knows a fellow grifter when he sees one:

ABC News reported on Monday that Todd Palin, husband of former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, will endorse [Newt Gingrich].

Todd Palin told ABC News that he respects Gingrich due to the criticism he faced as Speaker of the House during the 1990s.

It is worth noting that Newticles recently said that he would consider the Snowbillies for a cabinet post or for the VP slot: “[Mooselini] is certainly one of the people you would look at. I am a great admirer of hers and she was a remarkable reform governor of Alaska, she’s somebody who I think brings a great deal to the possibility of helping in government and that would be one of the possibilities.”

I think this counts as professional courtesy between grifters.

Everyone is someone else’s beard, as they say.

Peek-a-boo!

Yeah, it’s a Bluegal meme.

(You know what to do, Scissorheads.)

“I think I was exhausted, I think it was a sense of, it wasn’t hubris …. I felt empty, it’s a common challenge that nurses have.”

–Serial Adulterer Newt Gingrich on his behavior of the 1990s

(TPM)

“…$20 bucks to make my boy a man.”

Reuters

…there is a great woman, usually packing heat.

Black Walnut has left the stage to spend more time with his family.

On the one hand, I despise Newticles with a white-hot intensity of a 1,000 volcanoes (someone alert exorcist and volcano scholar Bobby Jindal); on the other hand, I hope it is a Newticles-Bachmann ticket.

–TG

Herman Cain is dropping in the polls, and so naturally the GOP heads towards that bastion of family values, Newticles.

I guess he hasn’t been caught in an adulterous affair since marrying his mistress… so he’s got that going for him.

I wonder what Herman Cain really means when he says that he wants to run the United States like a business?

This shot is never attractive.

To which, someone replied “True but how else would you eat it?

In private Never eat a corn dog in front of cameras.

So who is our wise person with Emily Post manners?

Callista Gingrich is definitely someone who knows how to swallow the corndog in private (usually under Newticle’s desk.)

(Politico via BlueGal)

…explain to me: is this a double-eagle?

Bag News Notes

–TG

(Hat tip: @JC_Christian via Twitter. AKA Patriot Boy, Jesus General)