Mock, Paper, Scissors

One part crazy, one part ignorant, and one part giving up your secrets.

The best part is that she’ll watch that video and think, “Nailed it.”

“If you’re a conservative you can never get anything wrong and I was very proud of the fact that I didn’t get anything wrong that I said during the course of the debates…It forces a person to be better. You have to be a virtual Wikipedia. We have no idea what the questions are going to be.”

–Michele Bachmann

During the Republican presidential primary debates, Bachmann-the-Nut claimed that:

• the HPV vaccine caused mental retardation
• The Kenyan Usurper had “the lowest public approval ratings of any president in modern times”
• accused The Stench of implementing “socialized medicine”
• the U.S. “will be paying for the entire People’s Liberation Army of China” by 2015

One-Lthe virtual Wikipedia, is a national treasure.

“Minnesota Republican Rep. Michele Bachmann has been reappointed to the House intelligence committee despite concerns about some of the controversial statements she has made.” — USA Today

While it is amusing to think of ol’ One-L being on the freaking Intelligence Committee, but remember this: she will get to see the so-called justification for the (probably/hopefully illegal) Kill List and Drone Strike policy.

Bet me that within a year, her newest Conspiracy Theory will involve drones coming after Xristian Xrazies and that she will claim that she is on The Kenyan Usurper’s enemies list. She’ll use that for fund-raising.

Is a Franken-Bachmann Showdown on the Horizon?

“… But despite that presidential fade-out and close call back home, Bachmann is again being mentioned as a candidate for higher office — this time as a potential challenger to first-term Democratic Sen. Al Franken in 2014.

[snip]

In a Public Policy Polling (D) survey conducted last month, 52 percent of state voters approved of Franken’s job performance, while 42 percent disapproved.

In the same poll, Franken also topped Bachmann by a 54 percent to 40 percent margin in a hypothetical general election matchup — an early indication of the uphill climb the congresswoman would face in a statewide race.

[snip]

Pat Shortridge, the current Minnesota GOP chairman, told RCP that though he did not know what Bachmann’s plans were, the party would be wise to look outside “the same familiar political faces” in recruiting someone to run against Franken.

“The electorate has clearly said, at least on our side, that they want some new blood,” Shortridge said. “And I think people who’ve got some private sector experience — people who aren’t coming from the traditional political routes — could make for a very effective candidate in 2014. I think we need to be more creative when it comes to recruitment and thinking about who our candidates ought to be.” “

I think that Shortridge (and you must love that name) is signaling S.O.S. with her eyelids as she says this. Imagine being the chair of the state GOP and having to defend nominating to the Senate an unhinged Xristian Xrazie and free-range conspiracy theorist like ol’ One-L and her closet-case husband.

Michele Bachmann’s high-profile debate coach, Brett O’Donnell, developed an “unnatural” and “Rasputin-like” relationship with his candidate during her failed 2012 presidential campaign, another former aide told BuzzFeed, a charge O’Donnell denies.

Uh-huh. Mind control. Giggling already.

Peter Waldron… said O’Donnell exercised an “unusual power over Mrs. Bachmann.”

Did he wave something shiny in front of her?

“He prohibited her husband, Dr. Marcus Bachmann, from sleeping in the same room with wife while on the campaign trail,” Waldron said in an email to BuzzFeed.

I bet that took oodles of persuasion.

Anyway, Buzzfeed has the whole thing, and I heartily recommend it to you. Many thanks to Scissorhead Moeman for the tip in the electronic email machine thingy.

(Hat tip: my partner in crime: Twolf at Dependable Renegade)

Yup. New Congress, same old crazy.

Gawd’s own confident, Bachmann-the-Nut, draws peals of laughter when she claims that she does not indulge in Political Speech.

The WaPo has a funny reporter’s lament-type post on fact-checking and our pal Michele Bachmann (“The girl with the far away eyes”) is sort of credited with either creating the need/impression to fact check Wingnuts more than Dims:

Jim Drinkard, an Associated Press (AP) editor who oversees the wire service’s fact-checking work, said, “We had to have a self-imposed Michele Bachmann quota in some of those debates.”

After the session, Drinkard said that there wasn’t an actual numerical quota on Bachmann at the AP. It’s just that if the AP had gone back and vetted all her claims that looked dicey, the result would “overload” the debate story. “Often she was just more prone to statements that just didn’t add up,” said Drinkard.

I think that the phrase that the AP is looking for is that ol’ One-L is crazier than a shit-house rat. But I’m only guessing.

(WaPo)

“At this moment in time we’re quite literally looking at a hurricane here in Florida. We’re looking at a political hurricane in this country. We are looking at a spiritual hurricane in our land. And it is time for each one of us to show up and suit up and stand up and realize that in this time and in this day we pour it out for Him.”

–Bachmann-the-Nut, battening down the nuthatches as Hurrican Isaac approached, and forever lashing herself to Theocracy and not Democracy.

straight from its disastrous run in London (and Poland and Israel) – the story of a poor venture capitalist, his dog and his dreams for a better life.

Seamus on the Roof is full of catchy tunes…..

With low voter turnout reported statewide, Bachmann had 80.4 percent of the vote, thumping Republican challengers Aubrey Immelman and Stephen Thompson. Thompson, a computer consultant from Lino Lakes, had 13 percent of the vote. Immelman, a Sartell college professor, had 6.8 percent.

The final totals:
Bachmann 14,393,
Thompson 2,296,
Immelman 1,225.

Less than 20,000 people cared enough to vote, and out of that number most of them were tuned into the same frequency of Old Rasputin Eyes herself.

(SCTimes)

World Nut Daily’s founder Joseph Farrah has looked into the case against Huma Abadin and has declared that she is, indeed, a moo-slim manchurian candidate, who has wormed her way into the political apaeratus of the United States Government to “to mobilize U.S. Muslim minorities to transform America into a Saudi-Style Islamic state.”

And he demands we apologize to sucessful babymill operator and God’s own confident Bachmann-the-Nut for us having doubted her.

(Click the link at your own peril: it goes to WND coo-coo for coconuts territory.)

…during Bachmann’s daring escape!

…just got interesing!

Bachmann does not deny she is being vetted

Oh, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please…

(Raw Story)

“Because what this means, for the first time in the history of the country, Congress can force Americans to purchase any product, any service that Congress wants them to, which determines the price and we are forced to, which is a denial of liberty. We will never be the same.”

–Bachmann-the-Nut

(The Hill)

The breathing in Bern got a little easier today when Bachmann-the-Nut finally renounced her Swiss citizenship:

“Today I sent a letter to the Swiss Consulate requesting withdrawal of my dual Swiss citizenship, which was conferred upon me by operation of Swiss law when I married my husband in 1978,” said Bachmann in a statement.

“I took this action because I want to make it perfectly clear: I was born in America and I am a proud American citizen. I am, and always have been, 100 percent committed to our United States Constitution and the United States of America. As the daughter of an Air Force veteran, stepdaughter of an Army veteran and sister of a Navy veteran, I am proud of my allegiance to the greatest nation the world has ever known,” she added.

[snip]

The Swiss government was tight-lipped about the case, and would not confirm receipt of Bachmann’s request to withdraw citizenship.

“I don’t know anything about this, so I can’t comment,” said Martin Bienz, Swiss consul-general in Chicago, which has jurisdiction over Minnesota. “I followed the story in the media, of course. Anyone who has dual nationality can withdraw from one nationality…. This is basically a private issue and I cannot comment.”

“Pass me the Akvavit,” Bienz did not say, taking a deep quaff, “That was a close one.”

(Politico)

Bachmann (R-Minn.) recently became a citizen of Switzerland, making her eligible to run for office in the tiny European nation, according to a Swiss TV report Tuesday.

And all this time I thought that The Swiss Miss was the lady diplomat that Blam-Blam was banging when he shot the old dude in the face.

(Politico)

“With all due respect to the president, he’s not competent to deal with the economy. Mitt Romney is competent in spades.”

When she practiced that line, Marcus laughed so hard that he shot his sip of Pink Squirrel out of his nose.

Sorry I missed this while on the road. But the larger issue here is WHY DID BOB SCHIEFFER HAVE BACHMANN ON THE TEEVEE MACHINE?!

The local fishwrap used a 2012 Goat Rodeo campaign picure of One-L touring the beef packing plant for the mad cow story. I cannot stop laughing.

(Mercury News)

Successful baby mill operator and theocrat Bachmann-the-Nut manages to drown out Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand regarding healthcare, but just repeating endlessly that she wants women to make their own choices. Except that Bachmann doesn’t want those choices to include contraception or abortion. But you know…

And Dancin’ Dave just sits there.

A jackass meets a llama

This is like the Oscars of stupid: Grandpa Walnuts is going to help the girl with the far-away eyes, Bachmann-the-Nut, retire her $1,000,000 2012 Goat Rodeo campaign debt by hosting a fund-raiser for her in Washington DC; oh, and she is trying to raise money for her campaign to maintain her current job as tinfoil hat adjuster and potted plant inspector.

Which only goes to prove, that Walnuts is a fool for a shapely middle-aged brunette with marriage problems, even if previously he dissed her.

(CityPages)

Theocrat and successful baby mill operator Bachmann-the-Nut doesn’t think calling gays satanic is judgemental, ’cause, you know, Jeebus and stuff.

(Raw Story)

Ha-Ha

Dear Friend,

The courts in Minnesota just ruled on the new Congressional districts and, as one of my most loyal supporters, I wanted you to be the first to know.

Just as we suspected, the liberal courts have changed the makeup of Minnesota’s Congressional districts. The courts’ liberal bias was evident by cherrypicking the districts and going so far as to draw my home — where I have raised my family and represented in Congress for the past six years — outside the new sixth district.

I refuse to allow the courts to arbitrarily determine who my friends, neighbors, and constituents are, and I will take every necessary step to correct this injustice. I have therefore decided to campaign for re-election in the new sixth district, where a majority of my constituents remain. This will not be an easy task, but with your support today of $25, $50, $100 or more our campaign will have the funds necessary to run an effective campaign.

Just as I wrote you below — I will now have to face the challenge of reaching out to thousands of new voters. Friend, I know the Democrats are watching these map results with excitement and look forward to spending millions of dollars to defeat our campaign and silence our conservative voice and values. The liberal media and Democrats will certainly do everything they can to slander our campaign and we simply cannot afford for that to happen.

Your donation today will send a loud and clear message to the Democrats that you stand with me in my run for re-election to Congress.

I know the road ahead will not be easy, but I know with your support our campaign will prevail.

Thanks,
Michele

Sent from my iPhone

For those with long memories: One-L’s district was originally created by redistricting by those judicial activists, so this is epic payback karma pimp-slapping the successful babymill operator and BFF with the Almighty.

(Hat tip: our secret agent deep in the heart of Wingnuttia and Scissorhead albatrossity)

“The tea party has been only a force for good in Washington, D.C., because otherwise we continue to go farther and farther to the left, which is redistribution of wealth. That’s why [President Barack Obama] will be a one-termer, because all he has been about is redistribution of wealth and the rise of socialist principles, and the Tea Party rejects that.”

–Notable Theocrat and successful baby mill operator, One-L

Notable theocrat and successful baby mill operator, the girl with the far-away eyes Michele Bachmann sort of announced that she is running for re-election to congress. And then in the style that only 1-L can do, she retracts it!

“I, very — yes, I believe I’ll be looking at that, very seriously looking at coming back for a fourth term.”

Comedy Lives!

(The Hill)

Bachmann-the-Nut suspends her preznintial campaign.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Mike Flugennock)

Trailing in the polls, Michele Bachmann gives one final push to win over the Iowa caucus-goers