Mock, Paper, Scissors

“You should know that evidence is not stuff printed from the Internet.”

–Orange County Superior Court Judge Charles Margines, as he rejected Birther Queen Orly Taitz demand to have all of the Kenyan Usurper’s records presented into evidence.

(Hat tip: The Daily Dolt via Unindicted co-conspirator and Scissorhead GRS)

KOGELO, Kenya (AP) — At President Barack Obama’s ancestral village in Kenya, witch doctor John Dimo tossed some shells, bones and other items to determine who will win Tuesday’s election.

After throwing the objects like so many dice outside his hut in Kogelo village, Dimo, who says he is 105 years old, points to a white shell and declares: “Obama is very far ahead and is definitely going to win.”

Sweet Baby Jeebus wearing Donald Trump’s toupé, can we get any more dog whistle birtherism in the news today?

(AP)

This film claims to be The Kenyan Usurper Hawaiian Devil Baby’s birth in Kenya! Footage taken by Carebear Senior, as a home movie? Yes. Because that was really common in Kenya of the 1960s, duh.

The monster-sized baby, with full head of hair and open eyes looking around the room, just sort of appears from under a bed sheet after what appears to be no effort on the part of the mom, not even any sweat, and the umbilical cord (link sausages?) of an entirely different color than the baby is cut and the kid still isn’t screaming. Good thing Père Obama filmed Ann Durham’s chart twice, otherwise I might think this is a fake.

Read the whole crazy thing at Vice

The State Objections Board has decided to delay a decision on keeping Barack Obama off the Kansas ballot in November.

The board — Kris Kobach, Derek Schmidt, and Jeff Colyer, all Republicans — wants more time to examine documents related to Obama’s birth, according to several reports.

(Midwest Democracy via Scissorhead KCTomato)

OMG, you guys! Orly Taitz got a copy of iMovie!

Rick Perry is a birther after dinner with The Donald

?

(TPM)

Pammygram’s Birther 2.0 theory is that Obama’s parents had a sham marriage and that’s why he’s not really president.

The release of Barack Hussein Obama I’s immigration file is stunning in what it reveals and the questions it poses. BHO I’s visa expired Aug. 8, 1961 (Barack Junior was born Aug. 4, 1961) – is that why he married Obama’s mother? Stanley Ann Dunham was a white girl in a family way with a mixed-race child, desperate for legitimacy in a culture that condemned such behavior as abject immorality, and Barack Obama Sr. was a con man from Kenya desperate to stay in the USA. Was the marriage merely a business arrangement (she was 17 when she got pregnant)? Is that why it was so important to place the ads in the Hawaiian papers announcing the birth of the future president – because his father was about to be deported?

…That would make the president illegitimate. In 1787, illegitimate children had different rights. There is no way the founders of this great nation intended for an illegitimate child of a foreign bigamist to attain the highest, most powerful position in the new land.

All this means that President Barack Hussein Obama is not natural born. His father was not a U.S. citizen; he is, by that very fact, disqualified to serve as president of the United States. Those who believe that the “natural born” requirement is no longer relevant in our modern age are wrong. The Founding Fathers added this to the requirements for someone serving as president to make it difficult for a spy or traitor to attain the highest office in the land. Clearly, from Obama’s performance, this is a considerable cause for concern.

Hey Pammy, why don’t you try getting your LD at Regents U? I hear that they have a strong alumni association.

–Tengrain

(Raw Story)

The AZ Cancer-Flake Griffon, Jan Brewer has vetoed both the guns-on-campus bill and the show-us-your-circumcision birther bill.

But… The GOP’s favorite in-house Exocist and noted professional volcano monitor, Governor of Louisiana, Bobby “Bubba” Jindal has vowed to sign a birther bill if it makes it to his desk.

Louisiana is making a bold play in the Crazee State Gumball Rally!

…maybe President Carebear will show us his birth certificate after you show us little Algorithm’s birth certificate.

“Well … I appreciate that the Donald wants to spend his resources getting to the bottom of something that so interests him and many Americans,” Palin said. “More power to him. He’s not just throwing stones from the sidelines. He’s digging in there. He’s paying for researchers to find out why President Obama would have spent $2 million to not show his birth certificate.”

I’ll tell you one thing, if I was ever to run for President of the United States, I think the first thing I would do in the first debate is offer my birth certificate, so we can get that off the table.

–Bachmann-the-Nut

Sometimes the snark just writes itself.

(TPM)

WASHINGTON – The Supreme Court has rejected an appeal from a lawyer who has been in the forefront of the challenge to President Barack Obama’s citizenship.

The high court on Monday did not comment in refusing to hear the appeal filed by California lawyer and dentist Orly Taitz. She was contesting a $20,000 fine for filing what a federal judge determined was a frivolous lawsuit.

The suit was filed on behalf of Army Capt. Connie Rhodes, who sought to avoid deployment to Iraq by claiming Obama wasn’t born in the United States and thus, is ineligible to be president and commander in chief.

If you’ve lost Fat Tony… you’ve lost it all, Dr./Councilor/Real Estate Agent Orly Taitz.

US President Barack Obama made a much-delayed return to his boyhood home of Indonesia Tuesday, seeking to engage Muslims and cement strategic relations on the second leg of his Asia tour.

(Obama returns to childhood home Indonesia – AFP)

Former U.S. Rep. Tim Walberg (R-MI) doubles down on previous comments questioning President Obama’s citizenship, and raises the possibility of impeachment under a Republican majority.

“…his birth certificate.”

Dude has a guest list, this is just great, maybe there will be shots and strippers, too, but then again dude seems kinda boring… So why isn’t Obamar taking him up on the party offer?

Happy birthday, President Carebear! If today is your birthday, that is. Junkie Limbaugh says that there is no proof.

“Tomorrow is Obama’s birthday– not that we’ve seen any proof of that– but tomorrow is Obama’s birthday, and they’re trying to rally Obama’s base by sending out fundraising letters… what? What?… We haven’t seen any proof of that!… Sorry, it is what it is.”

Senator Chuck “I AM NOT A NAIL” Grassley

Iowa’s GOP is nuts:

At its state convention in Des Moines last month, the Iowa GOP adopted a new party platform that includes the repeal of mandatory minimum wage laws, the elimination of the U.S. Department of Education, and even clarification on the definition of manure. Out of the “387 enumerated planks and principles,” Newsweek’s Jerry Adler found the most “startling” section of the platform calls for “the reintroduction and ratification of the original 13th Amendment.”

As we all know, the 13th Amendment is the one that banned slavery, but what is the original 13th Amendment?

The amendment states that “if any citizen of the United States shall accept, claim, receive or retain any title of nobility or honor” from a “foreign power, such person shall cease to be a citizen” and “shall be incapable of holding any office of trust.” In receiving only 12 out of the 13 votes needed for ratification, the amendment was never adopted.

Ahhhhh – now it makes sense: Strip President Carebear of his citizenship because he won the Nobel Prize! I’m sure Orly Taitz will get right on that lawsuit!

You cannot make this stuff up:

“Recent article by Washington burro [sic] correspondent Stephanie Mencimer shows that “artist” Dan Lacey, who painted despicable art work series “Birther Orly Taitz”, showing Taitz nude, with her legs spread, giving birth and holding bloody placenta, which were sent to her children, posted on the Internet and a local paper, did not work on his own accord. Dan Lacey admitted, that he was commissioned, paid by someone to do this, it was a clear attempt to intimidate Taitz and pressure her to withdraw as a candidate…Lacey refused to provide the reporter Stephanie Mencimer with the name of the person who hired him, who paid him, however during the depositions and upon subpoena this information will be available and will be provided to [the] court. At this time Taitz cannot state with certainty who paid Dan Lacey, however it is common knowledge, that Billionaire George Soros, one of the biggest backers of Obama, through his organization Moveon.org, has commissioned numerous artists to promote Obama and denigrate his opponents and critics.”

Orly is a national treasure.

I have not laughed this hard since the last time I laughed this hard!

Notorious Real Estate Agent-Dentist-Lawyer Orly Taitz the Birther Queen is on the GOP ballot in Californiastan to be the nominee for Secretary of State; and she stands a chance of winning!

Politico tells us…

…Now she’s running for the GOP nomination for secretary of state, and with her establishment-backed primary opponent mounting a less-than-stellar campaign against her, operatives say there’s a chance she could win.

“It’d be a disaster for the Republican party,” says James Lacy, a conservative GOP operative in the state. “Can you imagine if [gubernatorial candidate] Meg Whitman and [candidate for Lt. Gov.] Abel Maldonado — both of whom might have a chance to win in November — had to run with Orly Taitz as secretary of state, who would make her cockamamie issues about Obama’s birth certificate problems at the forefront of her activities?”

Maybe if Taitz wins, she can use her awesome new powers to finally get the United Nations to protect her from the minions of that Citizen of Kenya, Language-of-the-Koran-speaking, Closet-Muslim, socialist, magic-negro overlord, re-education camp counselor, and Nobel laureate President Carebear who are out to get her!

(Via Gawker)

First Blam-blam in the hospital, and now Birther Queen, Real Estate Agent, Dentist and Attorney Orly Taitz is appealing her case to the United Nations, claiming that she needs protection from Barack Obama. No, you cannot make up stuff like this.

You know, Know, KNOW Orly Taitz is going to be all over this like bribes on a congressman.

…because she wants revenge upon those who have asked to see Trig’s birth certificate, which interestingly, she claims she has done.

Poor Trig, the likable Palin, continues to be a prop for Mooselini’s mad ambitions.

(Politico)

Lucas Daniel Smith 10.12.09 new Declaration SACV09-00082-DOC (Anx)

I saw this this morning on TPM, but I didn’t think it was a big deal — ok, so Orly asked some dude to lie (SOP for the GOP, if you know what I mean), but buried in this document is something far, far greater: Orly was knockin’ boots with her “legal team,” you know, for the good of the cause.

It’s a good read, as long as you don’t get too strong of a mental image. They are all nuts, by the way.

Orly explains why her lawsuit that keeps being dismissed and fines against her raised, should be continued… which boils down to that soldiers should disobey the Commander in Chief, AKA, the Citizen of Kenya, Language-of-the-Koran-speaking, Closet-Muslim, socialist, magic-negro overlord, re-education camp counselor, and Nobel laureate, The Carebear.

Recent terrorist incident at Fort Hood has given this question paramount importance. This order has advocated blind obedience by the members of the military. If someone were to have common sense, brains and strength of character to challenge allegiance of Nidal Malik Hasan in court, after he made numerous anti-American and antimilitary statements, maybe 12 young boys wouldn’t be 6 feet under today, maybe 12 mothers and 12 fathers wouldn’t had their hearts ripped out of their chests and torn apart.

More proof that the international conspiracy to protect the Citizen of Kenya, Language-of-the-Koran-speaking, Closet-Muslim, socialist, magic-negro overlord, re-education camp counselor, and Nobel laureate, The Carebear‘s birth certificate means business!

Yes, Orly Taitz, the Queen Bee of the Birthers has been fined:

Counsel Orly Taitz is hereby ordered to pay $20,000.00 to the United States, through the Middle District of Georgia Clerk’s Office, within thirty days of the date of this Order as a sanction for her misconduct in violation of Rule 11 of the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure.

…and unbelievably, Orly Taitz is back with the crazy after her much heralded slap-down from a Federal Judge. You see, she now believes that Judge Land is in on the conspiracy and is petitioning the court to recuse him from her case.

I’m guessing that $10K fine is going to be sweetly appreciated.

The Birthers have raised enough money that they have been buying airtime in Texas to play a 30-minute “Where’s Waldo the Birth Certificate” infomercial. TPM has distilled it down to a 5-minute highlights reel for us. Think of it as Readers Digest Goes Hawaiian or something.

One of the men behind the infomercial is attorney Gary Kreep (really! That’s not a joke), executive director of the Ramona, CA-based Birther group United States Justice Foundation.

The Birther Queen has a new conspiracy to deal with: her client. She’s like a one-woman X-File, strange birth certificates come and go, professional licenses and degrees, and now clients who disappear to Iraq after filing motions in court to disregard the Birther Queen’s motion, because the Birther Queen does not represent her.

Orly Taitz tells TPMmuckraker she believes the letter sent by her now ex-client renouncing Taitz — in a case alleging that Barack Obama’s birth certificate is a forgery — may itself be a forgery!

Orly Taitz, the dangerous professional trifecta (Real Estate, Dentistry, and Law) queen of the Birther Movement has had yet another rejection of her court case to prevent an officer from taking orders from Citizen of Kenya, Language-of-the-Koran-speaking, Closet-Muslim, socialist, magic-negro overlord and re-education camp counselor, the Carebear because he cannot be the POTUS.

But the ruling is great fun to read. Here are some highlights:

First, Plaintiff’s challenge to her deployment order is frivolous. She has presented no credible evidence and has made no reliable factual allegations to support her unsubstantiated, conclusory allegations and conjecture that President Obama is ineligible to serve as President of the United States.

Instead, she uses her Complaint as a platform for spouting political rhetoric, such as her claims that the President is “an illegal usurper, an unlawful pretender, [and] an unqualified imposter.” (Compl. ¶ 21.)

She continues with bare, conclusory allegations that the President is “an alien, possibly even an unnaturalized or even an unadmitted illegal alien . . . without so much as lawful residency in the United States.”

Then, implying that the President is either a wandering nomad or a prolific identity fraud crook, she alleges that the President “might have used as many as 149 addresses and 39 social security numbers prior to assuming the office of President.”

Acknowledging the existence of a document that shows the President was born in Hawaii, Plaintiff alleges that the document “cannot be verified as genuine, and should be presumed fraudulent.” (Id. ¶ 113 (emphasis added).)

In further support of her claim, Plaintiff relies upon “the general opinion in the rest of the world” that “Barack Hussein Obama has, in essence, slipped through the guardrails to become President.” (Id. ¶ 128.)

Moreover, as though the “general opinion in the rest of the world” were not enough, Plaintiff alleges in her Complaint that according to an “AOL poll 85% of Americans believe that Obama was not vetted, needs to be vetted and his vital records need to be produced.” (Id. ¶ 154.)

Finally, in a remarkable shifting of the traditional legal burden of proof, Plaintiff unashamedly alleges that Defendant has the burden to prove his “natural born” status. (Id. ¶¶ 136-138, 148.)

Thus, Plaintiff’s counsel, who champions herself as a defender of liberty and freedom, seeks to use the power of the judiciary to compel a citizen, albeit the President of the United States, to “prove his innocence” to “charges” that are based upon conjecture and speculation.

Any middle school civics student would readily recognize the irony of abandoning fundamental principles upon which
our Country was founded in order to purportedly “protect and preserve” those very principles.

The best part of the whole thing happens on the first page: the court, in essence, tells Orly that Furthermore, Plaintiff’s counsel is hereby notified that the filing of any future actions in this Court, which are similarly frivolous, shall subject counsel to sanctions.

That’s gotta leave a mark!

This happens pretty fast. Schmidt is talking to a birther who screams that “He cannot be a president by our constitution.” Schmidt looks around, leans in to avoid the camera, and whispers in the dingbat’s ears “I agree with you, but the courts don’t.” After that it is a pretty jumbled video.

The crack research team at Mock, Paper, Scissors has done it again!

Here for your edification are the candidates that the Birthers favor the most as measured in Orlys:

1. Mooselini (Palin)
2. Gomer (Huckabee)
3. Little Newtie (Gingrich)
4. Mittens (Romney)

All data comes from information gleaned at Talking Points Memo. The best quote from the story:

“I mean this with all sincerity — Romney’s lack of popularity with the birther wing of the GOP really could scuttle his chances at the nomination in three years.”

…is a birther. Or maybe not. After all, he does ask for The Carebear’s gift certificate.