Mock, Paper, Scissors

Thanks, Gomer.

Mispeaking-expert Todd Aiken was invited by Gomer to be a guest on his radio show to explain his ground-breaking biological theories.

Gomer throws Aiken a rehabilitating life-preserver (so to speak) and asks him if he meant forceable rape when he said Legitimate Rape, which as everyone knows is about a 7 or 8 on the Rape Severity Scale. You know, more severe than regretting in the morning that you bagged the best man at your friend’s wedding and less severe than women in occupied countries or something because it is all about sluts using their naughty bits for fun and causing the downfall of mankind and being thrown out of the Garden of Eden and whatnot. Praise Jeebus!

There’s nothing like an old white guy telling us that he gets how serious rape is, and that bitches need to take it to term.

Also/Too: Is Gomer really saying that rapists’ babies become admirable human beings, and that’s why you want to have them?

The 9:00 minute mark begins a priceless word salad about how rescuing rapist babies is the same as running into the World Trade Center to rescue people from terrorism.

You cannot make this shit up.

(Soundcloud)

Famous former fattie Mike Huckabee is so riled up at The Muppets for abandoning notorious diabetes-causing chain fast-food restaurant Chick-Fil-A that he is calling for all Jeebus-loving homophobes to come out in support of Fried Chicken and Waffle sammiches in a fight against Bert sleeping with Ernie:

“I have been incensed at the vitriolic assaults on the Chick Fil-A company because the CEO, Dan Cathy, made comments recently in which he affirmed his view that the Biblical view of marriage should be upheld. The Cathy family, let by Chick Fil-A founder Truett Cathy, are a wonderful Christian family who are committed to operating the company with Biblical principles and whose story is the true American success story. Starting at age 46 Truett Cathy built Chick Fil-A into a $4 billion a year enterprise with over 1600 stores. At 91, he is still active in the company, but his son Dan runs it day to day as CEO.It’s a great American story that is being smeared by vicious hate speech and intolerant bigotry from the left.

So got that? Vicious hate speech and intolerant bigotry in the name of faith is okay. But saying you won’t support someone because of their anti-gay stance is bullying. Oooo-kay…

I ask you to join me in speaking out on Wednesday, August 1 “Chick Fil-A Appreciation Day.” No one is being asked to make signs, speeches, or openly demonstrate.

That’s good because most of your radio followers cannot write. But I’m only guessing.

The goal is simple: Let’s affirm a business that operates on Christian principles and whose executives are willing to take a stand for the Godly values we espouse by simply showing up and eating at Chick Fil-A on Wednesday, August 1.

“I’m Gomer, and I approve this unpaid advertisment from one of my sponsors.“

Too often, those on the left make corporate statements to show support for same sex marriage, abortion, or profanity, but if Christians affirm traditional values, we’re considered homophobic, fundamentalists, hate-mongers, and intolerant.

Gomer, that is because your follower’s values are homophobic, fundamentalist, hate-mongering and intolerance. You are confusing cause and effect again.

This effort is not being launched by the Chick Fil-A company and no one from the company or family is involved in proposing or promoting it.

No, but you can sure bet that your radio ad salespeople will be shaking them down and reminding them of the free ad they got from you.

(Gomer’s Facebook page via Raw Story)

Oh those Xristian Xrazies are so funny!

Gomer is not in the 2012 Goat Rodeo after all.

Which means that the Xristian Xrazies are gonna support Mooselini.

Gomer and the Gomerette (Roberta Muldoon)

Gomer is going to announce something this weekend, and he’s teasing it, so I’m guessing he’s in the 2012 Goat Rodeo.

If he goes in, this pretty much means that Rupert is going to have to have Geta Von Cistern and Mooselini^® do all the rest of the programming because everyone else from their news department is running.

(The Caucus)

Boss Hogg says that he is not running for preznint in 2012:

“I will not be a candidate for president next year. This has been a difficult, personal decision, and I am very grateful to my family for their total support of my going forward, had that been what I decided.

“Hundreds of people have encouraged me to run and offered both to give and raise money for a presidential campaign. Many volunteers have organized events in support of my pursuing the race. Some have dedicated virtually full time to setting up preliminary organizations in critical, early states and to helping plan what has been several months of intensive activity.

“I greatly appreciate each and every one of them and all their outstanding efforts. If I have disappointed any of them in this decision, I sincerely regret it.

“A candidate for president today is embracing a ten-year commitment to an all-consuming effort, to the virtual exclusion of all else. His (or her) supporters expect and deserve no less than absolute fire in the belly from their candidate. I cannot offer that with certainty, and total certainty is required.

“This decision means I will continue my job as Governor of Mississippi, my role in the Republican Governors Association and my efforts to elect a new Republican president in 2012, as the stakes for the nation require that effort to be successful.”

Translation: “The FEC would be on my finances like a duck on a June Bug.”

Well, the comic value of the 2012 Goat Rodeo just dimmed a little bit, but I suspect that Boss Hogg still has a role to play, if nothing else than with getting Gomer elected.

(GovernorBarbour.com)

“I cannot imagine as an American being told that I could not live in certain places in America because I was Christian, or because I was white, or because I spoke English,” Huckabee said. “I would be outraged if someone told me that in my country, I would be prohibited and forbidden to live in a part of that country, for any reason.” … Palestinians who live in East Jerusalem and the West Bank, Huckabee said, should settle in “territory that [is] in the hands of Muslims, in the hands of Arabs,” as determined by the “international community.”

Um, Gomer? You might want to crack open a history book.

(TPM)

Remember the other day when Gomer said that gays getting married was icky? Me neither!

But the professor that Gomer cited as his source for the ick factor when Gomer said it was why no one wanted to legalize marriage equality, is demanding an apology:

“I have never used the phrase ‘ick factor’ in any of my three books dealing with the emotion of disgust, or in any articles,” Nussbaum wrote… Thus the people to whom the term “projective disgust” applies are the insecure and emotionally stunted people who campaign against equal rights for gays and lesbians, not gays and lesbians themselves.

Mr. Huckabee has gotten bad information about my work and has completely turned its meaning upside down, imputing to me a position (that gays and lesbians are disgusting) that I criticize as childish and morally deficient,” she wrote. Huckabee “owes me a public apology,” she added.

Remember the other day when MPS told you about how Huckabee discussed the ick factor in gay relationships? Me neither!

Well, anyway, Gomer is now defending the use of the ick factor saying that:

My use of the phrase ‘ick factor’ was as the established notion from within the Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Transgender (GLBT) community. It was not an indication of personal aversion, but rather a reference to an established phrase used mostly from same-sex marriage advocates and militants – not one I created… This phrase is not new. This phrase is not mine.

TPM tells us…

He cites work by Martha Nussbaum and Joseph Erbentraut which uses the phrase.

But Nussbaum coined the phrase to describe aversion to the idea of two men having sex. Her theory — according to the Erbentraut article Huckabee cites — is that much conservative opposition to gay rights is based on a feeling of disgust.

Silly Gomer! Doesn’t he know that it is discussed in detail Icklesiatics in the Bible?

Given that the source of that statement is Gomer, who also thinks that God calls him on his cell phone and whose children torture dogs and bring weapons on planes, well, perhaps in a relative way this might true for his experience.

Presented without comment:

Presidential hopeful and former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee (R), in an interview with a college magazine, said the country shouldn’t “experiment” by allowing gay couples to adopt children.

“I think this is not about trying to create statements for people who want to change the basic fundamental definitions of family,” Huckabee told The Perspective, a magazine at The College New Jersey. “And always we should act in the best interest of the children, not in the seeming interest of the adults.”

“Children are not puppies,” he said. “This is not a time to see if we can experiment and find out, how does this work?”

Huckabee also compared gay marriage to drug use, incest and polygamy.

Mooselini signs onto Fox News.

OK, so Mooselini will join her fellow Xristian Xrazy, Mike Huckabee Gomer on Rupert Murdoch’s TeeVee machine shows in praising Jeebus and demanding death to all Libruls. Why? Because like all good grifters, she senses money. And this might keep her faithful in the fold until she decides to quit the talkies and run for Preznident again, with or without Grandpa Walnuts.

I can hardly wait for her Facebook to tell us that the Librul Media is lying about Mooselini when she becomes part of it.

Do they even have TeeVee studios in Satan’s Hollow Alaska? Some say no!

When I was growing up, the phrase protein shakes was a code for a certain kind of cheerleader. Just saying, watch out, chef, or everyone is going to think you are a spunk goblin.

Weeeeee, they must have put something in the water supply at Satan’s Corners, Arkansas, and Gomer musta drunk the well dry. For the notorious squirrel frying Xristian Xrazy and Presidential Hopeful is trying out his chops on international issues, and what could be more international than Manhattan, or more specifically that scourge of evil where no-doubt the 9-11 attacks were planned, The United Nations.

Yup, I know it is hard to believe that after John Bolton wanted to blow it up that anyone could top it, but now Gomer wants to let the Saudi’s have it.

“It’s time to say enough of the American taxpayer’s dollar being spent on something that may have been a noble idea, but has become a disgrace!” said Huckabee. “It has become the international equivalent of ACORN and it’s time to say enough!”

Huckabee continued, suggesting that the U.N. be handed over to one of the nations that attacked America. “Let’s end the diplomatic excesses that these people enjoy,” he said. “Let any country that is willing to spend the money that the United States is hosting–let them have it. Give it to the Saudis and let these diplomats suck the sand out of the Saudi desert for a few summers and see if that’s where they’d like to go, and make their ridiculous speeches.”

So, what? He wants to float it on a barge to Saudi Arabia? Good luck getting it past all the bridges, Gomer.

Well, it didn’t take long for the Xristian Xrazies and Wingnuttia’s wingman, Gomer Huckabee, to start circling over Senator Kennedy — they were quick to say that naming any healthcare reform bill after Kennedy was a crass political move, but the Huckster had to double-down on his radio show:

“[I]t was President Obama himself who suggested that seniors who don’t have as long to live might want to consider just taking a pain pill instead of getting an expensive operation to cure them,” said Huckabee. “Yet when Sen. Kennedy was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer at 77, did he give up on life and go home to take pain pills and die? Of course not. He freely did what most of us would do. He choose an expensive operation and painful follow up treatments. He saw his work as vitally important and so he fought for every minute he could stay on this earth doing it. He would be a very fortunate man if his heroic last few months were what future generations remember him most for.”

But the lead-in to it is chastising the Dims for being crass.

From the Huffington Post