Mock, Paper, Scissors

Only six Democratic holdouts [for Marriage Equality] remain in the Senate: Mark Pryor (AK), Tim Johnson (SD), Joe Manchin (W.VA), Mary Landrieu (LA), Heidi Heitkamp (ND) and Joe Donnelly (IN).

I think we have found the Dogs that are Blue. Anyway, FL Sen. Ben Nelson is not walking on the side of the angels, having endorsed Marriage Equality.

The trailer warns “If homosexual activists achieve their goal, it will be the criminalization of Christianity.” It goes on to claim that: ”Time and freedom are running out”, and that if ”gays win, Christians lose.”

Because no one is more discriminated against and put upon than the Xristian Xrazies.

It’s not a real movie trailer, look at the end, it is the default stuff from Apple’s iMovie software. RightWingWatch tells us that the last film project by Porter (in 2010), True 2 Life, never made it off the ground. Porter is the author of the book The Criminalization of Christianity, which was published in 2009. So… maybe she is trying again?

“I don’t support the gay marriage.”

–Rep. Matt Salmon (R-Ariz.). Salmon’s son, also named Matt, came out as gay several years ago.

“If he’s gonna bring home another boy,” Salmon did not say, “I hope he’s at least white.”

(The Hill)

“Who do you love more, Christ or your coffee?”

–Robert Breaud, self-loathing, ex-gay best known for his song It’s Not OK To Be Gay, rhetorically, to Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz

Our friends at the Family Research Council are trying to help Minnesota understand the error of their ways as a Marriage Equality Bill wends its way through the statehouse, so they have put together a Sermon Starter Kit for the local pastors to use, you know, to celebrate the Love of Jeebus.

The kit includes the usual Sodom and Gomorra greatest hits, Adam and Eve (not Adam and Steve), and of course Joseph Goebel’s Nazi Philosophy of Propaganda. Because gays & Nazis, why not?

Anyway, the kicker is that FRC hired someone from Southern Baptist Church, based in D.C. to write this thing to give to Minnesotan pastors.

(BuzzFeed)

Kill the death tax.

K-Lo’s razor-sharp mind sees that what the Windsor case against DOMA is actually a case against the Inheritance Tax, and ipso-facto, nothing up her sleeve, quotes at length a screed against taxing the rich. And then she concludes thusly:

“The Court ought not settle these matters by declaring its ideological will on the country in a most radical way. There are solutions short of a judicially imposed revolution that could meet concerns before the Court.”

The Kenyan Usurper should appoint her to the SCOTUS at the next available opportunity.

(Fair Warning! The link above takes you to the Blog at Poo Corner, the hive mind of the NRO, the most intellectually dishonest rest stop on the information super highway.)

McArdle on Marriage Equality:

At this point, it’s just a matter of time. In some sense, the sexual revolution is over . . . and the forces of bourgeois repression have won.

It seems her thesis is that by winning marriage rights, teh gays will be assimilated and actually lose.

That’s right, I said it: this is a landmark victory for the forces of staid, bourgeois sexual morality. Once gays can marry, they’ll be expected to marry. And to buy sensible, boring cars that are good for car seats. I believe we’re witnessing the high water mark for “People should be able to do whatever they want, and it’s none of my business.” You thought the fifties were conformist?

Wait until all those fabulous “confirmed bachelors” and maiden schoolteachers are expected to ditch their cute little one-bedrooms and join the rest of America in whining about crab grass, HOA restrictions, and the outrageous fees that schools want to charge for overnight soccer trips.

McArdle seems to be arguing some sort of an sexual inverse version of “I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet,” but I suppose for gay people who are always being told that they are the Devil Incarnate, having the right to whine about crabgrass at the neighborhood 4th of July Party might seem like paradise.

Which also makes me wonder if ol’ Meg isn’t having a cris de coeur about her own bourgeois repression? Maybe she wants to walk a mile in the footless guy’s shoes or something?

Anyway, it is a hot mess. Read it at your own peril.

“There are two kinds of marriage: full marriage and the skim-milk marriage.”

–SCOTUS Justice Ginsberg, saying that DOMA had imposed on the US a two-tier system of marriage.

You know, when Geaorgia cracker Senator Saxby Chambliss made his non-support of marriage equality–”I’m not gay so I’m not going to marry one”–it sounded a lot like a form statement.

So, for 1/15 of a point towards your final grade, fill in the blank:

“I’m not ____________________, so I’m not going to ___________ one.”

In the comments, #2 lead pencil only. Bonus point if you respond in the original German.

“If the Republican Party abandons traditional marriage there is no Republican Party,” he said. “You drive the social conservatives out and throw them to the side of the road, there’s no republican party. They’ll go start a third party.”

–Brian Brown, president of NOM.

First off: do you promise me that, Brian?

Secondly, I’m fine with the GOP breaking into two separate parties that have absolutely no ability to elect anyone again. Please be right, Brian.

(HuffPo)

Progress is progress, but the Sen. Portman evolution thing this morning is just another example of how shallow and hollow all the family values stuff is.

Portman tells us now that,

“[His son Will coming out as gay] allowed me to think about this issue from a new perspective and that’s as a dad who loves his son a lot and wants him to have the same opportunities that his brother and sister have,” Portman said.

He never walked a mile in someone else’s shoes? He never thought about it before? The Golden Rule?

I’m always a sap for happy endings in movies, but this one still begs the question: if that’s all it took for a death-bed conversion, then doesn’t that prove the pettiness of his previous position?

The cynic in me also wonders if this is an opening gambit for a 2016 Goat Rodeo bid: he’s getting in front of an issue that the changing demographics like.

I’m all for common decency, and it must be new to a life-long Republican, so huzzah for Portman. Now what is he going to do about it? Let’s see him fight for his son’s rights, maybe stand up for ENDA so his kid cannot be fired for being gay, then I’ll be impressed.

UPDATE 1: Read the interview. This is as shallow as it gets (emphasis mine):

Portman, who backed the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act now under review by the U.S. Supreme Court, said he now thinks parts of that bill should be repealed, though he hasn’t considered introducing such legislation himself because economic policy issues are his specialty.

Portman said he believes that same-sex couples who marry legally in states where it’s allowed should get the federal benefits that are granted to heterosexual married couples but aren’t currently extended to gay married couples because of DOMA, such as the ability to file joint tax returns. Family law has traditionally been a state responsibility, Portman says, so the federal definition of marriage should not preempt state marriage laws.

If Ohio voters were to reconsider the gay marriage ban they adopted in 2004, Portman said he might support it, depending on its wording, though he would not be likely to take a leadership role on the issue just as he didn’t take a leadership role in 2004. He stressed that he doesn’t want to force his views on others, and that religious institutions shouldn’t be forced to perform weddings or recognize marriages they don’t condone.

He doesn’t want “to force his view on others,” says the man who voted for a Constitutional Amendment. Yeah, this is political calculation and opportunism at its finest.

…and the only one who currently holds office is the widow of Sonny Bono from Palm Springs?

My definition of prominent seems to be different from theirs. Regardless, it is a good first step.

(BuzzFeed)

Hahaha! –

(Mediaite)

This afternoon, author Jessica Valenti hilariously pointed out that a Fox News column about traditional gender roles in marriage is accidentally accompanied by a photograph of two lesbian newly-weds exchanging a kiss.

The FoxNews.com column in question was written by Suzanne Venker, the niece of social conservative hero Phyllis Schlafly, and previous author of the roundly-panned column on how it’s all women’s fault that there is a “battle of the sexes.”

Looks like ancient hate goblin Phyllis Schlafly is going to have to explain the birds and the birds to her neice, Suzanne Venker author of How to Choose a Husband, a you-don’t-go-girl manual.

(Sorry for the absence yesterday: travel day… TG)

(Mediaite)

Famous unwed mother and ethics-challenged founder of homophobic National Organization on Marriage sounds like she is throwing in the splash towel, so to speak:

Noted homophobe and famous unwed mother Maggie Gallagher’s NOM now is claiming as a way to deny marriage equality that gay people are more likely to cheat on each other because they cannot have children.

And that explains why straight people with children stay blissfully married forever, and married elderly couples and people who for whatever reason decide to not have children are bed-hopping all the time, just stone-cold boning everything that moves.

(Think Progress)

…must be influencing the Vatican:

“In a front-page article in Saturday’s Vatican newspaper L’Osservatore Romano, the Holy See sought to frame itself as the lone voice of courage in opposing initiatives to give same-sex couples legal recognition. In a separate Vatican Radio editorial, the pope’s spokesman asked sarcastically why gay marriage proponents don’t now push for legal recognition for polygamous couples as well.”

(WaPo)

“[Marriage Equality that] you are fighting is the most important movement to win,” [Rick] Santorum added. He said it is even more important that the movement to block abortion in America. He warned that marriage will “disintegrate” along with the American family if same-sex marriage becomes legal.

So, I guess we can now go to the Abortionplex and use our 2-for-1 Groupons with Cardinal Frothy’s blessing?

(SFGate)

I am SO DONE with right wing politicians and zealot religious groups inserting themselves into my lady parts. I AM the GENERAL OF MY WOMB, not them. When I was 21, I had an abortion. I stopped a process. Never, not once have I regretted my decision. Being a pro-choice/pro-life feminist, I always knew that if I got knocked up and it wasn’t on my terms, I would choose to terminate the process. Once I was in the situation, I needed a minute to figure things out and find my way, knowing all the while that nothing would change my mind. My point, this isn’t an easy decision. Whatever our reasons are for making it, I don’t think any of us enter into it lightly. Speaking for myself, I did it for all the right reasons. I wrote an essay about it here, Homesick Abortion (pro choice), if you want to read it. No pressure.

Among other things, when the Oversight Committee chaired by Issa convened on 2/16/12, which omitted women, my swelling desire to be a part of the conversation consumed me. Being a comedy writer/producer, I channeled all of that energy into my passion, to create a short film that put a new spin on the narrative chronicling the absurdity of the debacle unfolding before me.

As a result,  THE PENIS FILES, a political satire/mockumentary was born, a story that encapsulated women’s rights, LGBT rights and Obamacare. I had the privilege of working with many of my heroes in comedy. This is a short film, 16 minutes. Below, you’ll find the entire short and links to the two official trailers (30/45) seconds each. I hope that you will watch and share. I hope that for those of us who want to take action, do.

SYNOPSIS: Until “The Olson Penis” was created 10-years ago, historically men’s penises grew for procreation when a woman ovulated and retracted immediately. 200 years ago, men who were devoutly religious and in a married monogamous relationship experienced penile growth for procreation only. Conversely, women have always been born with vaginas and sexual freedom not governed by religion or politics. In February, a committee of women met to discuss “The Olson Penis” being covered by Obamacare.

Official Trailer #1, Official Trailer #2.

Katie Schwartz

As we noted on blessed Saint Phyllis of Schlafly’s 88th anniversary of hatching last week, she was heading down to Tampa to work on the GOP Platform, you know restricting the rights of women and whatnot. Also,too: Tony Perkins of the famous hate group Family Research Council decided to pitch in to see if he could burn gays at the stake and so here is some of what they have done:

• GOP Platform Draft Calls For Abortion Ban Without Rape, Incest Exceptions — TPM
• Republican Party Platform Is Unwaveringly Anti-Gay –Think Progress (Note: they have the pertinent passages posted, and they are rather breath-taking in their naked hostility.)

But What About Dawson?, as we like to say on this blog, what does the Uncle Tom’s Log Cabin Club Republicans, who so enthusiastically endorsed Willard have to say?

“It’s bad with a capital ‘B’.”

Well, boys, you gotta dance with them whut brung you.

When last we left infamous single mom and professional virgin Brisket^® Palin, she was doing her terrible and fearsome monkey-dance of love…

Oh, no, wait, that wasn’t it. It might have been the failed book tour, the chin implant, the mysterious house in the desert, perhaps shacking up with the new dude (“trial marriage”), the Hannity interview, the endless slamming of Levi, you know all the things that receptionists in Wasilla are noted for doing that the national press likes to cover.

Anyway, for some reason, Brisket^® has released a statement, following Obama saying that his daughters’ acceptance of friends with same-sex parents helped prompt his change in perspective:

“In this case, it would’ve been helpful for him to explain to Malia and Sasha that while her friends parents are no doubt lovely people, that’s not a reason to change thousands of years of thinking about marriage. Or that – as great as her friends may be – we know that in general kids do better growing up in a mother/father home. Ideally, fathers help shape their kids’ worldview.

“In this situation, it was the other way around. I guess we can be glad that Malia and Sasha aren’t younger, or perhaps today’s press conference might have been about appointing Dora the Explorer as Attorney General because of her success in stopping Swiper the Fox.

“Sometimes dads should lead their family in the right ways of thinking. In this case, it would’ve been nice if the President would’ve been an actual leader and helped shape their thoughts instead of merely reflecting what many teenagers think after one too many episodes of Glee.”

And so there you have it: Malia and Sasha Obama, who so far have not shamed their family in any way, need a father figure who will help them become better people, you know, like Taaaahd helped shape her to become the model of virtue that she is.

(Politico)

“I’ve just concluded that for me personally it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same sex couples should be able to get married.”

OK, now we have to make him do something about it. Still, it is a first step.

Homosexuals have absolutely nothing good to contribute to family life, which is what marriage is all about. A sterile union (between same sex couples) is never in need of marriage, and has nothing good to contribute to marriage or family life – absolutely nothing.”

–Paul Madore, No Special Rights Campaign

(Mike Heath)

One of the strategems that the NOM documents show us is that they wanted to find “non-cognitive” celebrities through whom they could feed their anti-marriage equality talking points.

Good work, Maggie. Give yourself a bonus.

Homosexuality was well known in the ancient world, well before Christ was born and Jesus never said a word about homosexuality. In all of his teachings about multiple things -– he never said that gay people should be condemned. I personally think it is very fine for gay people to be married in civil ceremonies.

–President Jimmy Carter

He continues to be our finest ex-president.

Theocrat and successful baby mill operator Bachmann-the-Nut doesn’t think calling gays satanic is judgemental, ’cause, you know, Jeebus and stuff.

(Raw Story)

Maryland just passed a marriage equality bill, and the governor has pledged to sign it.

Still waiting for the stream of Santorum that is sure to come.

(WaPo)

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — A federal appeals court on Tuesday declared California’s same-sex marriage ban to be unconstitutional, putting the bitterly contested, voter-approved law on track for likely consideration by the U.S. Supreme Court.

(AP)

Here’s the actual decision.