Hey guys, remember that time during the The 2012 Goat Rodeo when The Stench told a group of people that he was unemployed, too? He thought it was a winning gambit to show the poors that he was on their side?
Yeah. Me Neither.
Anyway, I’m pleased to report that Willard has gotten off his fat, lazy ass and out of Queen Ann’s hair and is now gainfully employed:
“Former GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney will be returning to work, joining his son Tagg’s investment firm.”
So why don’t all the unemployed poors just join their sons’ multi-billion dollar hedge funds? Sheesh, it’s so simple.
Famous friend of hookers everywhere and notorious toe-sucking pundit Dick Morris is offering another explanation for why Mitt Romney lost the 2012 Goat Rodeo to the Kenyan Usurper: Hurricane Sandy kept whites from voting.
Yeah, New England was gonna go for The Stench and The Granny-Starver. Good chat, Dick.
“Saying that he and his team still felt “troubled” by his loss to President Obama, Mitt Romney on Wednesday attributed his defeat in part to what he called big policy “gifts” that the president had bestowed on loyal Democratic constituencies, including young voters, African-Americans and Hispanics.”
“Doesn’t the President know,” Romney didn’t mutter to his Tiffany cufflinks on his tailor-made Bond Street shirt, “that you are supposed to shower gifts on bankers and hedge fund operators, like I planned to do?”
“With regards to the young people, for instance, a forgiveness of college loan interest was a big gift,” Mr. Romney said. “Free contraceptives were very big with young, college-aged women. And then, finally, Obamacare also made a difference for them, because as you know, anybody now 26 years of age and younger was now going to be part of their parents’ plan, and that was a big gift to young people. They turned out in large numbers, a larger share in this election even than in 2008.”
“All that beautiful money we could have bilked out of those young people,” Willard did not moan. “Oh, the Humanity!”
Scissorhead Wagonjak points us to an article at First Read on the last days in the bunker of His Willardness’ campaign.
Aides taking cabs home late that night got rude awakenings when they found the credit cards linked to the campaign no longer worked.
Let’s be clear here: that night is Tuesday night. Willard cut up their credit cards the very same night he lost; no time to mourn or reflect, just quick, lethal, unemotional decisions. Willard might not have written a concession speech, but it seems he had a checklist of how to shut down the campaign before spending another dime.
Dame Peggington Noonington of the Brooklynshire Nooningtons has burped forth from the Aviary II and consulted with the Magical Dolphins who guided little Elian to the shores of Florida and has made a pronouncement for The Stench:
All the vibrations are right.
…which is about as good as Noonan gets after the three-day Mai Tai extravaganza. Either that or she left her Jack Rabbit on.
I know it is hard to believe, but Griftzilla has endorsed The Stench! (Wonder how she will monetize that?) But she also wants us to remember that this 2012 Goat Rodeo is about more than the top of the ticket, and so she has set loose her ghost writer to say something not as word-salady as she would say:
We must also remember the many good Republican candidates who are running for the House and Senate this year. They deserve our support as well. If you are like me, you have watched these campaigns, learned about the candidates, and know where they stand despite the skewed lens of a partisan media bent on keeping liberal leadership in power. We saw the destruction a Democrat controlled White House, House, and Senate brought us after the 2008 election. Our country can’t afford that again. Your vote is the only safeguard against that happening.
There was a big rally for His Willardness in Ohio. From Politico:
“There’s no question that this was Romney’s biggest rally of the campaign — but just how many people turned out is unclear in this hard-fought state in which public polls show Romney narrowly trailing President Barack Obama. The campaign announced that 30,000 people attended, but Secret Service sources said just 15,000 went through metal detectors. And local law enforcement counted the crowd at 18,000.”
And now from Twitter:
Unbelievable! They found 18,000 people who would watch Kid Rock?!
The plan was for supporters to bring hurricane relief supplies to the event, and then deliver the bags of canned goods, packages of diapers, and cases of water bottles to the candidate, who would be perched behind a table along with a slew of volunteers and his Ohio right-hand man, Senator Rob Portman. To complete the project and photo-op, Romney would lead his crew in carrying the goods out of the gymnasium and into the Penske rental truck parked outside.
But the last-minute nature of the call for donations left some in the campaign concerned that they would end up with an empty truck. So the night before the event, campaign aides went to a local Wal Mart and spent $5,000 on granola bars, canned food, and diapers to put on display while they waited for donations to come in, according to one staffer. (The campaign confirmed that it “did donate supplies to the relief effort,” but would not specify how much it spent.)
As supporters lined up to greet the candidate, a young volunteer in a Romney/Ryan t-shirt stood near the tables, his hands cupped around his mouth, shouting, “You need a donation to get in line!”
Empty-handed supporters pled for entrance, with one woman asking, “What if we dropped off our donations up front?”
The volunteer gestured toward a pile of groceries conveniently stacked near the candidate. “Just grab something,” he said.
Two teenage boys retrieved a jar of peanut butter each, and got in line. When it was their turn, they handed their “donations” to Romney. He took them, smiled, and offered an earnest “Thank you.”
Jeebus, The Stench is doubling-down on his Jeep-sending-jobs-to-China lie:
“A Dem source familiar with ad buy info tells me that the Romney campaign has now put a version of the spot on the radio in Toledo, Ohio — the site of a Jeep plant. The buy is roughly $100,000, the source says.”
I think for $100,000 you can buy all of Toledo and have something left over for Dayton.
Anyway, His Willardness has never shown any shame about lying, and in their best Etch-a-Sketchy moment they declared that they would not be bound by fact checkers. I can only guess that Willard expects to fool some of the people enough to get them to vote for him, but I wonder how many people might suddenly realize he’s so full of crap that his eyes are brown?
The standard non-apology has been issued, and U.S. Senate candidate Richard Mourdock (R-IN) has once again declared that Life is a gift from God, regardless it it was a gift via a rape.
Here’s the thing: Mourdock’s opinion is not on the far-edge of the GOP’s bell-shaped curve. The GOP 2012 Party Platform endorses his opinion and makes no exceptions for abortion, not incest, not the life of the mother, and not rape. They voted to adopt that position. It passed. Mourdock is absolutely mainstream Republican on this issue.
We can argue for days about whether or not they really meant it, it was just a crumb that they were throwing to the base, or even the cynical haha, the rubes believed it! But the point of the matter is that this is their official policy: you will have that baby no matter what. Is there any doubt in your mind what this man believes? No, I didn’t think so.
As we noted before, Willard’s campaign has disavowed Mourdock’s position, but they have not un-endorsed his candidacy. They knew his positions when they endorsed him; heck everyone knew when he beat Dick Luger that he was a forced birther. Willard was not fooled, this was not some hidden agenda. Mourdock was proclaiming it from the get-go.
The cliché is that all it takes for Choice to disappear is for one more conservative Supreme Court Justice to be approved; I’m sure Mourdock is more than just a single-issue politician, but we do know his stance on this issue. Can you see him, in the Senate, confirming anyone for the Supreme Court who does not share his view on abortion?
Chalk up another win for The Stench: put notably nutty word-person for the NYPost ANDREA PEYSER into the Win column!
Ms. Peyser, a notable feminist mostly noted for being a sex-scold, based her decision on who to endorse using the age-old technique of seeing what terms of endearment married couples have for each other. His Willardness has none for Queen Ann, but the Kenyan Usurper calls Michelle Sweetie.
Only a horrible man would condescend to calling his wife of 20 years Sweetie! They probably have sex, too, and that will not do for Peyser! Why can’t they be more like the Romneys? (Sexless? Yes.)
While Obama patronizes with passionate and public displays of sweetie-isms, Romney is more at ease with women. As governor of Massachusetts, he led the nation in the hiring of female leaders — between 40 and 50 percent in his administration, compared with Obama’s 36 percent. He’d never publicly insult his wife.
In word and deed, Romney is the true feminist candidate.
We’re not stupid.
And that the not-stupid-sexless-feminist vote is now secured, so Willard is sure to win. The End.
You can join the fun, too: We’re using the Mock, Paper, Scissors hashtag of #2012GoatRodeo. Pro tip: if you click the little box that says Tweet #2012GoatRodeo, you can tweet right from MPS! (I think you have to have a Twitter account though. Test it and see!)
Binders are people my friend. Why yes, there is a tumblr for Binder Full of Women. A question asking if a person supports equal pay regardless of gender seems like a simple “yes” or “no” question. So never mind the binders, how about that pay scale? It’s not about finding women to sit on your cabinet. Talking about binders is funny. Getting short changed for your work is not. (NY Times)
I think we all know by now that Willard goes out of his way to not answer questions. So here is Willard not answering a Baba Wawa-style softball question:
Reader’s Digest: Every leader, executive, every person wakes up some days and just has a bad day. Just can’t be happy or get pumped up. Do you have a trick or a strategy that you use to get your energy up? Do you have a theme song?
Romney: If I have a bad hair day, I just think, Well, it will be an OK hair day tomorrow. Just put your head down and go. Life is a bit like being on a roller coaster, which is, You get on and there’s no stopping along the way. There are some days when you feel like this is pretty tough, and there are the days that are exhilarating, but you just keep on going.
Because when you are His Willardness and sitting on a pile of ill-gotten gains greater than a king’s, the only kind of bad day you can have is a bad hair day.
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