Dame Noonington Speakes, foresoothe!

Posted by Tengrain Saturday, May 18th, 2013

bd1

(Image: Axel Grease)

We are in the midst of the worst Washington scandal since Watergate.

Those whom the gods wish to destroy they first make mad, or in Noonan’s case, wee tipsy or just forgetful that during the month of May, in 1987, the Iran-Contra Hearings began, you know, when Ronald Wilson Reagan (“the greatest president of the last half of the last century, maybe ever”) broke the law and sold weapons to our enemies the Iranians and then gave the proceeds to right-wing death squads, the Nicaraguan Contras.

I love it when Serendipity bitch-slaps Reagan-era leftovers on the gin-blossomed snout.

Bad Tech, cont.

Posted by Tengrain Friday, May 17th, 2013

Mr. Peanut

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Bruce388)

Happy Hour News Briefs

Posted by Tengrain Friday, May 17th, 2013

Drink-up, Bitchez!

World-famous baby mill operator One-L is already running for re-election, a full 17-months ahead of schedule.

  • Umbrellagate - Sweet Baby Jeebus with a yellow slicker, that the hell has gotten into the GOP’s panties today? Umbrellas. Anyway, Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin is trying to be relevant again, and tweeted: “Mr. President, when it rains it pours, but most Americans hold their own umbrellas.” Whoopsie! Mooselini seems to protest too much:

    (WaPo)

  • Dangerous conspiracy theorist Pete Santilli wants to personally execute Hillary Clinton by shooting her in the vagina. (Fair warning: Santilli uses very graphic extermination language and snuff-porn style imagery Right Wing Watch)
  • Retractions – After Crazy Unkka Pat does it again (forgives adultery from men, because boys will be boys), the Christian Broadcasting Network issued the following clarification:

    “As a first step in the process, Dr. Robertson stated that she should stop dwelling on the cheating. Next, he recommended that she remind herself of all the reasons she fell in love with him in the first place so that she might try to fall back in love with him all over again.”

    “Lastly, his point was that everyone is human and there is much temptation outside of the home, so she should do whatever she can to strengthen their home and relationship. His intent was not to condone infidelity or to cast blame. We regret any misunderstanding.”

    We regret any misunderstanding. Gotta remember that one. (ABC News)

News Briefs

Posted by Tengrain Friday, May 17th, 2013

News you can use all day

Talking termite-infested pole Major Garrett destroys GOP benghazi Benghazi BENGHAZI talking point.

  • Notably nutty theocrat and Xristian Xrazie Rep. Kevin Cramer (R-ND) says that Roe V. Wade is responsible for all the recent gun violence:

    “Forty years ago, the United States Supreme Court sanctioned abortion on demand. And we wonder why our culture sees school shootings so often.”

    He has many other theories, too. It is so worth a click. (Raw Story)

  • Godwin’s Law - Famous conspiracy theorist Tom Zawistowski compared the Kenyan’s administration’s ongoing IRS scandal to Nazi Germany on Fox News:
  • One more nut and it is a candy bar - Karen Handel (the Xristian Xrazie who pretty much single-handedly destroyed the pink-washing Susan G. Komen for the Cure) joins a GOP primary field for US Senate from Georgia that already includes Reps. Jack Kingston (R-GA), Paul Broun (R-GA) and Phil Gingrey (R-GA).

Bad Tech, cont.

Posted by Tengrain Thursday, May 16th, 2013

At the Airport

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Bruce388)

Bad Tech, cont.

Posted by Tengrain Wednesday, May 15th, 2013

Marks and Spencer

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Bruce388)

Bad Tech, cont.

Posted by Tengrain Tuesday, May 14th, 2013

Vending Machine

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Bruce388)

On the road again…

Posted by Tengrain Tuesday, May 14th, 2013

Light posting ahead… but there are some things in the queue, so check in.

Bad Tech, cont.

Posted by Tengrain Monday, May 13th, 2013

WalMart

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Bruce388)

Happy Hour News Briefs

Posted by Tengrain Monday, May 13th, 2013

News that will drive you to drink

self-confessed confident of God One-L wants a spiritual warfare (Crusade? Yes) to enforce her theocratic agenda

  • World Nut Daily tells us that if only Bill Clinton’s penis had been removed from office (and they blame Ken Starr for shirking his duties!) in the ’90s, then Behghazi! Behghazi! BENGHAZI! would never have happened.
  • The WaPo tells us that Senator Aqua Buddha (R – Cheap Toupee) is trying for an image-remake to make him more appealling to the Xristian Xrazies:

    “Earlier this spring, Sen. Rand Paul and his wife, Kelley, invited a crew from the Christian Broadcasting Network into their Kentucky home for what turned into two full days of reality TV. In a half-hour special, “At Home With Rand Paul,” the couple are seen bird-watching in the woods, going to McDonald’s and, especially, talking about religion — their belief in traditional marriage and the senator’s call for a “spiritual cleansing” in America.”

    Can we vote Aqua Buddha off the island, please?

  • The Christian Post’s chock full o’ nuts Star Parker celebrates the return of Mark Kiss Me South of the Border Sanford to national politics:

    Put me down as happy to see former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford coming back to Washington. Earlier this week he handily defeated Elizabeth Colbert Busch in a special election for a House seat he himself once held.

    [snip]

    He has always been a consistent, principled, and courageous conservative. And he has always done it with showmanship and clarity that gets the points across to voters.

    [snip]

    When the National Republican Congressional Committee pulled their support from Sanford’s race following the news that he trespassed in the home of his former wife (to watch the Super Bowl with his son), support came in from both FreedomWorks PAC and the National Right to Life PAC.

    Sanford’s persona pulled in two streams of conservatives – the economic conservatives and the social conservatives – that many see at odds with each other.

    A seasoned, principled, and exciting conservative politician and leader is exactly what Republicans need today.

    Welcome back to Washington, Mark Sanford.

–Tengrain

The After School Special

Posted by Tengrain Monday, May 13th, 2013

Babwa Wawa to retire in 2014

Posted by Tengrain Monday, May 13th, 2013

Wiving wegend, Bawa Wawa willw wetiwa fwom The View in 2014. Wots’a Wuck in whatever you do next! (ABC)

News Briefs

Posted by Tengrain Monday, May 13th, 2013

News you can use all day

Neck with a mouth Chuck Todd is outraged that the Cincinnati IRS under a Chimpy McStagger appointee targeted conservative money laundering Teabaggers.

  • Told ya! - The Living Museum of 1980s Power Ties George Will floated the idea of impeaching The Kenyan Usurper for the IRS auditing money-laundering Teabagging organizations, and meanwhile staff-banging serial adulterer Newticles says that The Kenyan “will not profile terrorists but profile patriots.” Noot is slipping: He left out the Basically and Essentially. (Raw Story and TPM)
  • Basically, the owner of the cheapest toupee in Congress, Senator Aqua Buddha essentially has lost his mind:

    Paul said the United Nations would “CONFISCATE and DESTROY ALL” of civilian firearms in the United States and ban the sale of all semi-automatic weapons. He also alleged the United Nations was controlled by “petty dictators and one-world socialists” who were plotting to usurp American sovereignty.

    “These anti-gun globalists know that as long as Americans remain free to make our own decisions without being bossed around by big government bureaucrats, they’ll NEVER be able to seize the worldwide power they crave,” Paul wrote.

    (Raw Story)

  • Happy Mothers’ Day - As many as 3 different gunmen opened fire on a Mothers’ Day Parade in New Orleans with 18 confirmed wounded, so far no one has died. (Think Progress)

Mother’s Day 2013

Posted by Tengrain Sunday, May 12th, 2013

My mother did not believe in Hallmark Holidays, and so Mother’s Day nearly sped past me without notice now that she’s been gone for a decade; MPS’ pal B-4 has a lovely post up for his mom, and she sounds like a good egg and very similar to mine. He’s lucky that she’s still around. I miss both my parents in ways large and small.

On Saturdays, after Bugs Bunny was done I would be shoved out the door into the California sunshine with the admonishment not to return before lunch, “unless there is fire, death or insurrection.” The day I was returned home by the Fire Department, naked and covered in mud (and they hosed me off on our lawn on the main street of our small town with all the neighbors watching) after rescuing me from the mudflats in the local cemetery (the frogs were irresistible and would absolutely be the best torture for my older sister Ninegrain) was the day she stopped saying that little phrase. Oh, in case you are wondering: the mud pulled off my clothes when they winched me out of the drained pond, where I had sunk up to my neck. No one knew I had lost my clothes until the great hosing happened.

Mom was the den mother to all my pals growing up. She always planned on at least one extra place at the table, and she referred to my core set of buddies as “The Litter.” I would often come home from school (a trudge up a steep hill after school, probably several miles in the snow, if you catch my drift) only to find them pouring their hearts out to her, eating deli subs and gulping down soft drinks that she had bought for them. Then she would help us focus on homework, call various parents to let them know where their kids were. She taught us to carve pumpkins, spit watermelon seeds great distances, and notoriously, she taught us how to burp on command. She was the tomboy mom who earned their undying love and devotion.

Most of The Litter came from the parochial school where I was kicked out after about 2 weeks, (a family record) and so even though we went to different schools, we remained tight. Mom was invited to all of their weddings, and in one notable case to Officer Training School graduation on the east coast for one Littermate who lost his mother in grade school, and whom she loved more than all the others; this was the guy that she famously said that she would have jumped his bones if she was his age, and let me say for the record I have never felt more horrified in my entire life.

She taught me how to box, how to surf, to never use adverbs, how to pin a corsage on a girl’s Prom gown (“Don’t. Just don’t. Stop it.”), Martinis are always shaken and Manhattans are always stirred, and that kindness is better than smarts, which was very funny considering that she was the brains of the family.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. I suspect that the angels are shaking up a Martini and that the Saints are trying to impress you by spitting watermelon seeds for distance and accuracy.

Bad Ads – Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, cont.

Posted by Tengrain Saturday, May 11th, 2013

Cigar is just a cigar

Holy cow! It’s a 1950s orgy!

Bad Ads – Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, cont.

Posted by Tengrain Friday, May 10th, 2013

Cigar is just a cigar

Happy Hour News Briefs

Posted by Tengrain Friday, May 10th, 2013

Drink-up, Bitchez!

Famous baby-mill operator One-L tells us that 9/11 And Benghazi were God’s judgment

  • Notable eugenics scholar and author of the widely-panned Heritage Foundation study on the true cost of immigrants ($6.3T!!!) smarmy goatee’d Jason Richwine has resigned. OK, Mr. DeMint, you’re next. (WaPo)
  • I’d go with Thing Two - Xristian Xrazie mom Cathy Ruse of the notable hate group Family Research Council is very upset that the Obama Education Department changed official government documents to indicate parent 1 and parent 2, and defies The Kenyan Usurper to tell her daughters that she is not their mom. (FRCblog)
  • Shorter Janet Shaw Crouse: Uppity N*****. Now, the full quote:

    “As someone with a doctorate in communication theory who spent years analyzing presidential speeches and studying political rhetoric, I’ve never seen a presidential speech that was more repulsively self-centered and insidiously self-serving; nor has a previous president operated in campaign mode so unrelentingly throughout his presidency, regardless of the occasion or circumstances.”

    Janet Shaw Crouse was apparently asleep all during the Chimpy McStagger years. (American Thinker)

News Briefs

Posted by Tengrain Friday, May 10th, 2013

News you can use all day

(Fact-Free 5ive) BENGHAAAZI! So, Fox is now making ads to give away to GOP?

  • Lightening strikes twice in one week - Minnesota passes Marriage Equality, and it made this Republican lawmaker cry. No word from Marcus.
  • Breaking the law - Missouri (the show me yours state) passed clearly unconstitutional gun nullification laws that would make all Federal Gun Laws illegal in that state, and could criminalize anyone trying to enforce Federal Gun Laws. Mr. Holder on line 2… (Think Progress)
  • Best Gubmint Money Can Buy - The Congress just passed the dreadful workplace rules legislation that eliminates paid overtime along strict party-line votes. If passed by the Senate, it would allow employers to compensate employees with time off instead of paying overtime (which they can do now, anyway). (Raw Story)

Bad Ads – Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, cont.

Posted by Tengrain Thursday, May 9th, 2013

Cigar is just a cigar

News Briefs

Posted by Tengrain Thursday, May 9th, 2013

News you can use all day

(Petunia and Pals) If it’s Thursday, it must be Malkkkin. Also, too BENGHAAAZI!

  • Drowning man buys sinking ship - Microsoft is contemplating buying the assets of the failed Barnes and Noble Nook division, you know, to prop up their own failure for the Windows 8 Tablet. (Tech Crunch)
  • Corporate America - A group of agricultural workers in southern California lost their jobs last week when they took shelter to escape the ash-filled air blowing down on them ahead of one of the wildfires currently blazing in that state. (Raw Story)
  • Dog and Pony Show! - NOM’s Brian Brown admitted that there are no religious exemptions good enough for him. So the question remains, why try to put that sort of language into marriage equality bills at all if they will automatically reject it? (HRC)

Bad Ads – Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, cont.

Posted by Tengrain Wednesday, May 8th, 2013

Cigar is just a cigar

Happy Hour News Briefs

Posted by Tengrain Wednesday, May 8th, 2013

News straight-up

  • Sucker Born Every Minute, cont. - In case you missed it, the Arlington National Cemetery has been flooded with calls from angry patriots demanding that they not bury Boston Bombing suspect Tamerlan Tsarnaev, which was news to them. (Washington Times)
  • Oklahoma, where the deer and the antelope play with guns - Hey guys, remember that time when OK Rep. Sally Kern, R-Oklahoma City said, “the homosexual agenda is a bigger threat to America than terrorism.” Anyway, her husband is planning on running for office in OK, too! The Rev. Steve Kern announced Saturday he is seeking a state Senate seat in 2014. Kern says he supports anti-abortion and pro-family issues as well as fight for states’ rights. (News OK)
  • Grifters gotta grift! - Staff-banging serial adulterer Newticles will be the featured speaker at a Xristian Xrazie convocation led by none other than Jonathan Cahn, author of Xristian Xrazie bestseller Harbinger. No snake handlers have been scheduled but, you know, Callista will be there. (Notes on Religion)

One-L Wants to Settle

Posted by Tengrain Wednesday, May 8th, 2013

bachmann-straight-jacket

Notorious baby mill operator, future resident of Bedlam, McCarthyite witch hunter, self-confessed confident of God, Miss November, the noted Constitutional Scholar, Bachmann-the-Nut is in settlement negotiations of a lawsuit that alleges that senior members of her presidential campaign stole a proprietary e-mail list of home-school families from the computer of an Iowa campaign staffer.

I’m sure one of the clauses will be that One-L admits no guilt in the matter. And another is that Marcus gets to keep the Judy Garland albums, but we are only guessing about that last part.

(TPM)

News Briefs

Posted by Tengrain Wednesday, May 8th, 2013

News you can use all day

(Petunia and Pals) BENGHAAAZI!* Fox News analyst Lt. Col. Ralph Peters says that The Kenyan is “telling so many lies” that “they make Nigerian phone scammers look like paragons of integrity.”

Full disclosure: I went to High School with the late Ambassador Chris Stevens.

Bad Ads – Sometimes a cigare is just a cigar, cont.

Posted by Tengrain Tuesday, May 7th, 2013

Cigar is just a cigar

Happy Hour News Briefs

Posted by Tengrain Tuesday, May 7th, 2013

News on the rocks

Tony Perkins, the Xristian Xrazie leader of the hate group Family Research Council, says that Chris Broussard, the sportscaster who claimed that Jason Collins was rebelling against God, was the one who showed “real courage.”

  • Take your bat and ball and go home - Famous squirrel-frying gourmand Mike Huckabee is in contract negotiations for his radio show, and Limbough-like is threatening to quit. Please Gomer, overplay your hand. (Politico)
  • Speaking of Junkie Limbaugh - Cumulus Media CEO Lew Dickey reported a $2.4 million dollar decline in revenue associated with Junkie Limbaugh’s syndicated talk show. Dickey has reported millions in losses associated with Limbaugh in previous quarters as well. Buh-bye! (Media Matters)
  • I guess that’s a “no?” - Here’s the lede of the day, verbatim:

    “WASHINGTON, May 7, 2013 /Christian Newswire/ — On the eve of the special election for a vacant U.S. House seat in South Carolina the chairman of the very conservative Government Is Not God – PAC has very publicly refused to endorse the confessed adulterer who as Commander-in-Chief of South Carolina deserted his post for several days for a “hook-up” he had arranged online.”

    (Christian Newswire)

Glenn Reynolds: Why are there no Start-ups?

Posted by Tengrain Tuesday, May 7th, 2013

In his column today, Glenn Reynolds wonders why the current economic malaise is not generating start-ups, they way that they did in the Carter years, when Apple, Microsoft, and others began:

When the economy was last this bad for this long — back in the dreaded Jimmy Carter era — there was one upside: While inflation raged and unemployment stayed troublingly high in America’s big businesses, a lot was going on in America’s garages. Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak were starting Apple, Bill Gates and friends were starting Microsoft and a variety of other new entrepreneurial ventures were lining up for takeoff.

So you might hope that there’s a similar silver lining in today’s economic Slough Of Despond. But so far, that hope would seem to be unjustified.

At any rate, the latest data indicate that start-ups are becoming rarer, not more common. A new report from JPMorgan economist Mike Feroli indicates that employment in start-ups is plunging. New jobs in the economy tend to come from new businesses, but we’re getting fewer new businesses. That doesn’t bode well.

Reynolds then goes on to blaming European-style socialism (taxes and regulation) for crushing the entrepreneurial spirit, and of course failing schools (ie, teachers unions). He says that the problem is cultural:

But I wonder if the biggest problem isn’t cultural. Since 2008, this country hasn’t celebrated achievement or entrepreneurialism. Instead, we’ve heard talk about the evils of the “1%” ” about the rapaciousness of capitalism, and the importance of spreading the wealth around. We’ve even heard that work in the public sector is somehow nobler than work in the private sector.

Well, Glenn, the problem might be more accurately described as a product of the policy of the United States. My friends in the start-up world have told me that as part of the agreement to get funding from the Venture Capitalists up on Sand Hill Road they must have a plan in place to not hire their engineering talent in the United States.

And why should they since the Clinton Administration forward there have been tax incentives and other incentives to move operations offshore? That’s policy, Glenn, policy that you promoted. And so in one swoop we are not only ensuring the rise of unemployment here in Silicon Valley and the rest of the country, we are also enabling low-wage countries to continue to exploit their workers. We’ve made the mistake of thinking of these low-wage countries as our partners, when in fact they are our competitors.

You decry that American kids are falling behind in math and science, and I agree, but I also see why. Here in the Valley, kids have grown up watching both of their parents work 80 hour weeks, forgo the family vacation because there is a new product release coming up, a tight schedule, a thousand reasons to work nights and weekends. They’ve watched their parents split up and get laid off, chewed up and spat out.

One of my friends from long ago, a brilliant man with a Computer Science degree from an A-list engineering college now works for Best Buy selling flat panel teevee machines, instead of designing them. So these kids, who should be the most likely to go into engineering and science, can see that it is a dead-end road. Kids are not stupid, Glenn. Why would they make the same mistakes as their parents?

(Glenn Reynolds in USA Today)

News Briefs

Posted by Tengrain Tuesday, May 7th, 2013

News you can use all day

(Fox’s Fact-free 5ive) “The media are basically the college pals who are tossing Obama’s backpack,” says media personality.

  • Technology! - The world’s first 3-D printed gun was fired successfully, and the file is now available for free downloading. Bet the NRA will try to have this gun banned… it eats into their client’s profits. (Raw Story)
  • Rebranding Update! - Illinois GOP Party chair Pat Brady resigned following the months-long blowback from his support for Marriage Equality. So… how’s that kinder-gentler rebranding effort working for ya, Reince? (TPM)
  • Heritage v. Heritage - The widely-panned anti-immigration report from The Heritage Foundation is pitting Jim DeMint’s Heritage researchers vs. Heritage researchers in 2006 as they dispute the report. So… how’s that kinder-gentler rebranding effort working for ya, Reince? (Think Progress)

Bad Ads – Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, cont.

Posted by Tengrain Monday, May 6th, 2013

Cigar is just a cigar

Happy Hour News Briefs

Posted by Tengrain Monday, May 6th, 2013

News that will drive you to drink

Rev. Fishsticks says that The Kenyan is setting up the stage to take guns away from Xristian Xrazies and classify them as terrorists.

  • The New Majority - Silly maths! The new majority in the United States is not going to be people of color and youngsters voting for teh gays and enlightenment, and whatnot! It’s going to be Xristian Xrazies focused on opposing gay marriage and abortion rights, silly, and it will be led by Ted Cruz. Reminder to self: try mushrooms. (Christian Post)
  • Impeach the Kenyan! - Famous gourmand and failed theocratic candidate for Preznint Mike Huckabee is claiming again that The Kenyan Usurper will be impeached over BENGHAAAZI BENGHAAAZI BENGHAAAZI! (Politico)
  • The Pious Gingrich - Staff-banging serial adulterer Newticles continues to claim that Marriage Equality in Massachusetts made Catholic Charities illegal in that state. Note: Newticles converted to Catholicism upon cheating upon Wife #2 in order to marry his mistress/blow-job queen Wife #3 Callista. (Insert your own chrome/bumper imagery here.) (Think Progress)