Mock, Paper, Scissors

Congress is aiming to restrict our civil rights and to nationalize our police force.  For real this time, and not just around the edges of anti-terrorism and inter-agency task forces.  Prepare to lose the right to due process.  This is real.  And we need to stop it.

US Senate To Vote On Bill That Will Allow The Military To Arrest Americans On American Soil And Hold Them Indefinitely | Addicting Info

Since Occupy Wall Street began, American police officers have arrested thousands of people for exercising their constitutionally protected right to protest. On Monday or Tuesday, the US Senate will vote on a bill that would give the President the ability to order the military to arrest and imprison American citizens anywhere in the world for an indefinite period of time.

A provision of S. 1867, or the National Defense Authorization Act bill, written by Senators John McCain and Carl Levin, declares American soil a battlefield and allows the President and all future Chief Executives to order the military to arrest and detain American citizens, innocent or not, without charge or trial. In other words, if this bill passes and the President signs it, OWS protesters or any American could end up arrested and indefinitely locked up by the military without the guaranteed right to due process or a speedy trial.

This bill was written in secret and approved by committee without a single hearing. Senate Republicans support the bill and enough Democrats support it to give it a great chance of passing. This provision does have opponents. President Obama has threatened to veto the bill and even Ron Paul is concerned enough to bring it up during one of the GOP debates. An amendment called the Udall Amendment has been offered by Democratic Senator Mark Udall that would delete the dangerous provision.

If you are an American citizen, protect your constitutional rights. Call your senator and tell them to approve of the Udall Amendment. No American citizen should be arrested by the military and held indefinitely without charge or trial. It’s not conducive to American values and would give the military and the government more power over the American citizenry. The last time Americans had to deal with an overreaching military was during the Revolutionary era. Because of that, the Founders included the 3rd Amendment to ban the quartering of troops during times of war and peace. Once again, Americans are under threat of dealing with a military that has more power than it should have. And it could cost us most of the freedoms we tend to take for granted.

This comes from Addicting Info.  How are other media outlets presenting the story?  Is the for-profit media business touching it at all?  What are local law enforcement saying?  Anyone have links?

–Tex

The United States of Amnesia:

…The Alabama town of Bay Minette was poised to implement an unconstitutional plan that would effectively allow minor offenders to be sentenced to a year of church attendance, under penalty of imprisonment if they missed a Sunday service. In the wake of national press attention widely condemning the unconstitutional plan, the town will delay implementing the program in order to re-examine whether the plan is legal.

I can save them the time to examine the plan: it is patently illegal.

(Think Progress)

…Texas creates an environment where people are willing to risk their capital. So in that light, we applaud notable pornographer and First Amendment champion Larry Flynt for putting $1M on the line for anyone coming forward with evidence of a sexual encounter with Rick Perry.

Ewww, gross! I don’t think even his wife does that.

Anyway, here’s the deets:

(Houston Chronicle’s Perry Blog)

Tennessee’s Republican-dominated House of Representatives has overwhelmingly passed a bill that would protect teachers who want to challenge the theory of human evolution.

Thursday’s 70-28 passage of HB 368 was hailed by sponsor Rep. Bill Dunn, R-Knoxville, who said the proposal was designed to promote “critical thinking” in science classes.

Critical thinking? As Daria Morgendorffer once said, “Don’t worry, I don’t have low self-esteem. It’s a mistake. I have low esteem for everyone else.”

Tennessee just took pole position for Crazeee States 2012.

(CBS)

The constitution protects a congress member & her constituents’ right to assemble peacefully as much as it does the right of her shooter to bear arms. But don’t try to tell him that.

Let’s keep the families of all the Tucson victims in our thoughts and prayers
tonight, especially those victims still fighting for their lives in
a university hospital.

—TexBetsy

The worst part may be that they gave the survey in the first place.

Mandatory U.S. Army Survey Says: Non-Believers Unfit To Serve

….

Now, getting back to the Army’s “Soldier Fitness Tracker” survey …

After taking the survey, and finding out that, as a non-believer, the Army considers him unfit to serve, Sgt. Griffith sent out an email to all the organizations and individuals involved in Rock Beyond Belief, and people sprang into action. MRFF has a prominent law firm on it, and several of the bloggers among the recipients of the email immediately posted about this jaw droppingly outrageous “religious test.”

One of these blog posts, written by Al Stefanelli, has now gone viral. Al’s post, which begins, “Did you know that the United States Army is concerned with the spiritual well-being of their soldiers? Did you know that if you choose not to believe in the supernatural that the United States Army can consider you unfit to serve?,” can be found here, and a follow-up post here.

….

—TexBetsy

As far as I can tell, Juan Williams exercised his right to free speech, no one stopped him from making an ass of himself, so it is another victory for the First Amendment. Does Mooselini believe that the Constitution requires NPR to keep Juan Williams? What is she trying to say?

“Where in the Constitution is the separation of church and state?”

I suggest you go back to masturbation studies, Christine. You are absolutely not fit for any elected office. If the Teabaggers are a joke, you are the punchline.

(TPM)

O’Donnell said the road to seeking elected office has been rocky. In 2008, she endured personal attacks and even vandalism in her run against then Sen. Joe Biden. It would have been easy to give up, but she says God wouldn’t “release her.”

“God continued to strengthen and empower us,” O’Donnell said. “His strength is perfected in our weakness and that’s what’s exciting, because you see that if it weren’t for faith, when all logic said it’s time to quit — we pursued.”

“We marched on because we knew God was not releasing us to quit and now with such an important lame duck session you realize why we were to endure all that stuff,” she added.

And so when you lose, No’Donnell, will you also tell us that it was God’s Will?

Lookit, I’m not much of a believer in anything, having famously said that I don’t even believe the next Kleenex will pop up, but it seems to me that from football games to elections, both sides pray and one side or the other loses. Why doesn’t the losing side then say that it was God’s will?

There is no doubt in my mind that Mooselini is a theocrat, and her doppleganger Christine No’Donnell is one too. What they represent and their agenda — I think anyway — is the completion of the circle: no birth control, no abortions, no masturbation, sex is only for procreation.

While they are good for a laugh, their agenda is not funny in the slightest. Their vision of Freedom is that the government they want will control what you can and cannot do in your pants.

We should have a federal law that says sharia law cannot be recognized by any court in the United States. The law will let judges know that no judge will remain in office that tried to use sharia law.

Separation of Church and State, Newtie, we got it covered. You might want to read about it, you assrocket.

Yipes! What’s going on here? Orrin Hatch is in cahoots with Osama Bin Laden? Is there a sleeper cell in the Senate? Was Sharron Angle right about domestic enemies within those hallowed walls? Is this just one distrusted and loathed religion sticking up for another distrusted and loathed religion?

…if the Muslims own that property, that private property, and they want to build a mosque there, they should have the right to do so… And there’s a huge, I think, lack of support throughout the country for Islam to build that mosque there, but that should not make a difference if they decide to do it. I’d be the first to stand up for their rights.

Oh, wait. Property rights are more dear to the GOP than life itself (unless that life is a fetus, in which case all bets are off until the baby is born and then is deprived of its rights).

(TPM)

Who could have predicted that his plan to burn Koran’s could inflame outrage?

If building an Islamic center near ground zero amounts to the epitome of Muslim insensitivity, as critics of the project have claimed, what should the world make of Terry Jones, the evangelical pastor here who plans to memorialize the Sept. 11 attacks with a bonfire of Korans?

Mr. Jones, in a lengthy interview at his church, said he sincerely hoped that his planned Koran-burning would not lead to violence. He dismissed the idea that it could put American troops at greater risk, and — echoing his sermons — he said that his church was being persecuted.

He said his bank recently demanded immediate repayment of the $140,000 balance on the church mortgage; that his property insurance had been canceled since he announced in late July that he intended to burn copies of the Koran; and that death threats now come in regularly.

“We have to be careful,” he said. He tapped a holster on the right hip of his jean shorts; it held a .40-caliber pistol, which he said he was licensed to carry. “The overall response,” he added, “has been much greater than we expected.”

Now he’s done it! Jean shorts?!

(NYTimes)

I’m sure that they probably said [that they were too conservative] about Thomas Jefferson and George Washington and Benjamin Franklin. And truly, when you look at the Constitution and our founding fathers and their writings, the things that made this country great, you might draw those conclusions: That they were conservative. They were fiscally conservative and socially conservative.

Yeah, Sharron, you self-aggrandizing nut job. The most radical free-thinkers of their generation (or of many other generations, too), who successfully waged a war against the system, a King, to create a democratic republic without a state-sponsored religion, were conservatives, just like you.

(NYTimes via The Plum Line)

“Assimilation is the upside of discrimination.”

What an assrocket.

Just in case you missed it, besides wanting to outlaw all abortions under all circumstances, Angle wants prayer in school, gay rights over-turned, and the Clergy to make endorsements from the pulpit.

No word on those slimming burquas or when the stoning of adulterers will start, but Nevada has a lot of rocks and high unemployment. I think I smell a growth industry!

(HuffingtonPost)

[T]hese programs that you mentioned — that [President] Obama has going with [Harry] Reid and [Nancy] Pelosi pushing them forward — are all entitlement programs built to make government our God. And that’s really what’s happening in this country is a violation of the First Commandment. We have become a country entrenched in idolatry, and that idolatry is the dependency upon our government. We’re supposed to depend upon God for our protection and our provision and for our daily bread, not for our government.”

– Sharron Angle, in a little noticed interview with Christian Radio this past spring

You thought Texas education was bad, eh?

Well, at least we’re not Australia!

Australian Public Schools Teaching Humans and Dinosaurs Co-Existed

Australia is facing a controversy that is all too familiar to Americans. Fundamentalists in state schools are teaching children that humans and dinosaurs lived together and Noah brought dinosaur eggs on to the Ark.
Children are also taught that Adam and Eve were not eaten by dinosaurs “because they were under a protective spell.”

This is consistent with Palintology — the new science advanced by Sarah Palin — which insists that man and dinosaur must have co-existed despite carbon dating and simple logic.
Source: News

via Jonathan Turley

Is it only Texas or do dental offices everywhere have bibles in the waiting room? Do they think this is a motel 6?

Pilot Online

Oakwood Elementary’s principal was placed on administrative leave Friday as school officials investigated why life like, 4-inch-long plastic fetus dolls were given to dozens of third-, fourth- and fifth-grade students.

We’ve seen indoctrination before, but this one takes the cake. Plastic fetus dolls? Anyway, the Xristian Xrazy principal also was coercing staff and students to attend Bible Study and pray before tests. Some of the teachers of other faiths walked out of staff meetings which began with prayers and requests to testify.

(Hat tip: Tex and Dimitrios)

Our Winner from the Pin the Tail on the Theocrat Contest is Scissorhead Mac from Oregon who got ever single theocrat right at first try, even in Pig Latin and with an outragous French Accent!

Bravo, and well done Mac! Please contact me at teangrain AT mocpaperscissors DOT com to claim your prize.

Absolutely honorable mentions to Abo Gato and Batacchio!

Eastern Bluebird

As we now draw to a close another Blog Against Theocracy, and I think it is time for a word on Faith (and for once, I am not talking about Buffy’s friend). It might seem sort of strange to hear me talk about it, given that I generally do not even have faith that the next Kleenex will pop up.

Faith is what we turn to when science and reasoning cannot help us, faith gives us something to cling to during dark times. I read someplace that everyone should have a mental image that soothes you so that in times of deep stress you can picture whatever this image is and meditate upon it and find some peace.

My mental image is of a beautiful California day, of some birds building a nest — it is actually my earliest memory as a wee tot. I was looking out of my bedroom window at the red tile roof of the house next door and I watched some little birds build a nest under one of the tiles. I watched for days and days. I remember the day that the baby birds fledged.

I needed that mental image a lot during the last 8 years as we learned about torture and wiretapping, and the destruction of our freedoms and liberties. I needed that mental image as the Theocrats, unchallenged made an unprecedented grab for power, not only unobstructed but cheered on by the usual suspects. I lost faith that anyone would stop them.

Faith might be the substantiation of Hope.

So while faith – in the religious sense – might be outside of my experience, hope is not. I hoped that we would survive the Chimpy years, but I did not have faith that we would. Having once been fluent in French, I took conversational French classes in adult education, figuring that it doubled my chances of finding somewhere else to live when the time came to flee the United States. I wish I could say that I am kidding, but it is true. I thought that there was a very good chance it would come down to that. I hoped that it would not.

So now, here we are, starting our second year without Chimpy. We made it. It will take years, probably decades to undo all the damage he and the theocrats did to the country – it might be generations, really, but already things are getting somewhat better.

Western Bluebird

Today, Easter Sunday, is a rainy day, just bucketing down, which is somewhat unusual here in California; we’ve had an earthquake in Baja California that was felt as far away as Phoenix Arizona (and I felt it too); the ongoing sex scandal is rocking the Vatican; Obama has increased the funding for The Office of Faith Based Initiatives. We are slogging through the worst economy since the Great Depression. We have a lot of work to do, and there is so much to be done. And yet…

I hope that Spring will come, and that the birds will return and build nests again. I have faith that they will.

See, true believers, we are not so far apart after all!

Thank you, everyone, for joining Mock, Paper, Scissors in the 2010 Blog Against Theocracy; it was good to have you with us.

Our great good friend and allie, our Ape Overlord from the Future, Dr. Zaius has re-animated the dead revived his classic and award winning Blog Against Theocracy post of years back. It is so worth the click.

Sweet Baby Jeebus, it’s finally over!

Today we bring you the last theocrat, there is only one, as we conclude our exciting Blog Against Theocracy theocratic contest… but let us recap the rules for the innocent only just now joining us, shall we?

Each day of the BAT, we have posted a graphic of a few theocrats; by the conclusion of the BAT if you have correctly identified all the theocrats, your name will go into a random drawing to win your choice of theocrat’s graphic! Huzzah!

Place your answer in the comments – you must identify all the theocrats. No special rules today for noted fluent Pig Latinist and poet, a man who knows his alphabet Scissorhead Mac from Oregon, except that his answers should be written with a ridiculous French accent.

So, without further ado, here are all the theocrats:

	Theocrat	Clue	How to Spot in the Wild
Theocrat 1		This former GOP Presidential Candidate is noted for getting calls from God on his cell phone.	Eating roadkill.
Theocrat 2		This theocrat does not believe in evolution, only in “animals that he allows to live.”	Getting his back waxed, or fighting Kareen Abul Jabbar.
Theocrat 3		This theocrat has a world-wide radio empire, and received his degree in Psychology from the University of Spoiled Children.	Beating children.
Theocrat 4		This theocrat believes that God punished New Orleans for a Gay Pride parade.	In Israel, trying to nudge The Rapture.
Theocrat 5		This theocrat, when not running away from his record, is perpetually running for GOP President and is deeply mistrusted by all other theocrats.	Bitch-slapping rappers on airplanes, strapping dogs to the roof of his car.
Theocrat 6		This theocrat, also a former GOP presidential candidate, blames Haitians for their devastating earthquake, saying that God was punishing them for taking away the property rights of others when they broke free from slavery.	Weight lifting.
Theocrat 7		This theocrat says that God has her crown in heaven. Noted for being Maggie Gallagher’s shower-nozzle masturbation fetish object.	Filming soft-core porn, or finger-banging.
Theocrat 8		This Hawaiian shirt-wearing theocrat claims to be nonpolitical.	In Uganda working behind the scenes to legalize killing gays and lesbians, or in California working to deny gays and lesbians civil rights.
Theocrat 9		This theocrat, who is rumored to be running for the GOP nomination, is worried about man-on-dog action.	Surrounded by his theocratic family, including the stillborn one.
Theocrat 10		This theocrat is one of the leading advocates that the US was founded as a Xristian Nation.	In Texas where he claims to be an historian and “contributing” to schoolbooks.
Theocrat 11		This theocrat, born in Cleveland, says that America was founded to destroy Islam.	Dodging tax investigations.

For more information about the Blog Against Theocracy, please visit the website. If you would like to pick up BAT badges for your blog, they are available on my Flickr page. These are the same theocrats you will find in the contest!

I’ve been thinking about my parents lately. Last week was my mother’s birthday, and so she has been on my mind. Dad’s birthday is coming up soon, so I will probably be thinking about him soon enough.

My parents were part of The Greatest Generation, born in the 1920s, they grew up in The Great Depression and graduated into the Second World War. I think that the way that they lived informed their decisions not to do any advanced planning for their deaths, which placed an unusual burden on the four of us kids. They never talked about what they wanted, so it left us to guess.

My mother had never been baptized. She came from a line of atheists — my grandmother was the one who famously explained the Miracle of the Virgin Birth as “women in occupied countries often find themselves in trouble” — and Mom had no strong belief system.

This was always an affront to the other ‘Grains as they all were true believers, and two of my siblings are evangelical; this caused a lot of friction as you can imagine as my mother was dying of cancer. She decided at some point to stop taking the chemotherapy; the oncologist had already said it was terminal, so her real objective was to minimize the pain. They saw this as some sort of suicide, and proceeded to have prayer sessions for her, and always took grim delight in letting her know. “That’s nice dear, now then, about that Martini…?” would be her reply.

The last few days of my mother’s life were spent in the hospice ward of the hospital. She was lucent until the day before she died, but she would flicker awake now and then. So when I walked in on one of my siblings trying to baptize her, it was a real shock. Mom was awake and you could see real anger in her eyes, and though she could not speak it was very clear that this situation was alarming her. The fight that ensued was monumental with them accusing me of wanting our mother to spend eternity in Hell. I prevailed, but only because my mother had given me, the only non-believer in her litter, the Power of Attorney before she went into the hospital.

So what does this have to do with theocracy, you ask? Well, in a microcosm, my siblings were trying to foist their religious beliefs on my very weakened mother who had never expressed any desire for being saved. This is very similar (at least to me) of how the Theocrats — especially those on the right — try to foist their beliefs on the rest of us; whether it is prayer in school, taxpayer funded evangelical outreach via the so-called Office of Faith-based Initiatives, or posting the 10 Commandments in courthouses or other places of the public, it is all about trying to evangelize everyone.

Though this may seem morbid, if you do nothing else after the Blog Against Theocracy, please take the time to put in writing what you want done should you ever be rendered incapacitated. Get it notarized. Designate someone you trust to have your Power of Attorney. You need to let someone, anyone, know your wishes. Just do it, you will be amazed at how much better you will feel.

I hear you! “Give it a break, I beg you,” you say… and I say, “Never!” But I will give you a break: one of today’s theocrats is exceptionally easy to determine. The other is not.

We continue our excitement-building, Blog Against Theocracy theocratic contest… let us recap the rules, shall we?

Here’s the dealio: each day through the conclusion of the BAT on Sunday, we will post a graphic of a few theocrats; if, by the conclusion of the BAT you have correctly identified all the theocrats, your name will go into a random drawing to win your choice of theocrat’s graphic! Huzzah!

Place your answer in the comments – you must identify all eight theocrats, not just the two newest. No special rules today for noted fluent Pig Latinist and poet Scissorhead Mac from Oregon, except that his answers should be in reverse alphabetical order by last name.

So, without further ado, here are all the theocrats to date:

	Theocrat	Clue	How to Spot in the Wild
Theocrat 1		This former GOP Presidential Candidate is noted for getting calls from God on his cell phone.	Eating roadkill.
Theocrat 2		This theocrat does not believe in evolution, only in “animals that he allows to live.”	Getting his back waxed, or fighting Kareen Abul Jabbar.
Theocrat 3		This theocrat has a world-wide radio empire, and received his degree in Psychology from the University of Spoiled Children.	Beating children.
Theocrat 4		This theocrat believes that God punished New Orleans for a Gay Pride parade.	In Israel, trying to nudge The Rapture.
Theocrat 5		This theocrat, when not running away from his record, is perpetually running for GOP President and is deeply mistrusted by all other theocrats.	Bitch-slapping rappers on airplanes, strapping dogs to the roof of his car.
Theocrat 6		This theocrat, also a former GOP presidential candidate, blames Haitians for their devastating earthquake, saying that God was punishing them for taking away the property rights of others when they broke free from slavery.	Weight lifting.
Theocrat 7		This theocrat says that God has her crown in heaven. Noted for being Maggie Gallagher’s shower-nozzle masturbation fetish object.	Filming soft-core porn, or finger-banging.
Theocrat 8		This Hawaiian shirt-wearing theocrat claims to be nonpolitical.	In Uganda working behind the scenes to legalize killing gays and lesbians, or in California working to deny gays and lesbians civil rights.
Theocrat 9		This theocrat, who is rumored to be running for the GOP nomination, is worried about man-on-dog action.	Surrounded by his theocratic family, including the stillborn one.
Theocrat 10		This theocrat is one of the leading advocates that the US was founded as a Xristian Nation.	In Texas where he claims to be an historian and “contributing” to schoolbooks.

For more information about the Blog Against Theocracy, please visit the website. If you would like to pick up BAT badges for your blog, they are available on my Flickr page. These are the same theocrats you will find in the contest!

Dedicated to XristiM

Folks –

My Blog Against Theocracy tradition requires that I reprise a post from one of the original Scissorheads, Xristim who passed away in December 2006 from cancer; I miss that woman every day, she was one of a kind –as are all the Scissorheads. XristiM was a Christian, but she was wary of the Religious Right, and was strictly in favor of the Separation of Church and State. This is from a comment she posted in November, 2006.

CHANGE OF ADDRESS
Dedicated to the Absolutely Sure of Absolutely Everything
From Someone Who Isn’t
(c) XristiM 1998-2006

Into their Lazarus mouths they pop
God like round peppermint lozenges,
and with their resurrected teeth
grind Him small,
roll the bits with their tongues,
flooding them with saliva and
the exhalations of digestion.
Then they amble forth
to perform the work for which
they have anointed themselves
and each other,
breathing the judgment of an angry God strongly
into the nostrils of others.

We can hear them at a distance,
from close enough can detect the stench
of self-righteousness.
And a wary eye can detect them in our midst,
with coats that show glossy fronts,
but on their backs,
hidden from their view
and from ours
unless we trouble ourselves to look,
reveal scraps and patches
like bandages over festering sores.

We may protest, draw back in distaste,
alarmed to have God thrust upon us
smelling so pungently of mint
and the charnel house,
but they are relentless in pursuit
of fleeing souls.
They paralyze us with their certainty
that God lives in their mouths.

For myself, I think the God has filed
His change of address:
He resides
not in the mouth, but in the heart.

#BlogAgainstTheocracy

Yikes! Another day of this? Has Tengrain gone off his nut? (D’uh, you have to ask?) How can he do this to us? Well, it’s E-Z, just watch! And today’s theocrats are probably the easiest of the bunch to guess.

Our excitement-building, Blog Against Theocracy theocratic contest continues… let us recap the rules, shall we?

Here’s the dealio: each day through the conclusion of the BAT on Sunday, we will post a graphic of a few theocrats; if, by the conclusion of the BAT you have correctly identified all the theocrats, your name will go into a random drawing to win your choice of theocrat’s graphic! Huzzah!

Place your answer in the comments – you must identify all eight theocrats, not just the two newest. No special rules today for noted fluent Pig Latinist Scissorhead Mac from Oregon, except that his answers should rhyme.

So, without further ado, here are all the theocrats to date:

	Theocrat	Clue	How to Spot in the Wild
Theocrat 1		This former GOP Presidential Candidate is noted for getting calls from God on his cell phone.	Eating roadkill.
Theocrat 2		This theocrat does not believe in evolution, only in “animals that he allows to live.”	Getting his back waxed, or fighting Kareen Abul Jabbar.
Theocrat 3		This theocrat has a world-wide radio empire, and received his degree in Psychology from the University of Spoiled Children.	Beating children.
Theocrat 4		This theocrat believes that God punished New Orleans for a Gay Pride parade.	In Israel, trying to nudge The Rapture.
Theocrat 5		This theocrat, when not running away from his record, is perpetually running for GOP President and is deeply mistrusted by all other theocrats.	Bitch-slapping rappers on airplanes, strapping dogs to the roof of his car.
Theocrat 6		This theocrat, also a former GOP presidential candidate, blames Haitians for their devastating earthquake, saying that God was punishing them for taking away the property rights of others when they broke free from slavery.	Weight lifting.
Theocrat 7		This theocrat says that God has her crown in heaven. Noted for being Maggie Gallagher’s shower-nozzle masturbation fetish object.	Filming soft-core porn, or finger-banging.
Theocrat 8		This Hawaiian shirt-wearing theocrat claims to be nonpolitical.	In Uganda working behind the scenes to legalize killing gays and lesbians, or in California working to deny gays and lesbians civil rights.

For more information about the Blog Against Theocracy, please visit the website. If you would like to pick up BAT badges for your blog, they are available on my Flickr page. These are the same theocrats you will find in the contest!

Ho! Ho! Ho! Our excitement-building, pre-Blog Against Theocracy theocratic contest continues… let us recap the rules, shall we?

Here’s the idea: each day through the conclusion of the BAT on Sunday, we will post a graphic of a few theocrats; if, by the conclusion of the BAT you have correctly identified all the theocrats, your name will go into a random drawing to win your choice of theocrat’s graphic! Woot! Woot!

Place your answer in the comments – today you must identify all six theocrats, not just the two newest… Scissorhead Mac from Oregon gets a special rule today: he must list his answers today in Pig-Latin. Okay kidding. But it would be fun if he did.

So, without further ado, here are all the theocrats to date:

	Theocrat	Clue	How to Spot in the Wild
Theocrat 1		This former GOP Presidential Candidate is noted for getting calls from God on his cell phone.	Eating roadkill.
Theocrat 2		This theocrat does not believe in evolution, only in “animals that he allows to live.”	Getting his back waxed, or fighting Kareen Abul Jabbar.
Theocrat 3		This theocrat has a world-wide radio empire, and received his degree in Psychology from USC.	Beating children.
Theocrat 4		This theocrat believes that God punished New Orleans for a Gay Pride parade.	In Israel, trying to nudge The Rapture.
Theocrat 5		This theocrat, when not running away from his record, is perpetually running for President and is deeply mistrusted by all other theocrats	Bitch-slapping rappers on airplanes, strapping dogs to the roof of his car.
Theocrat 6		This theocrat, also a former GOP presidential candidate, blames Haitians for their devestating earthquake, saying that God was punishing them for taking away the property rights of others when they broke free from slavery.	Weight lifting.

For more information about the Blog Against Theocracy, please visit the website. If you would like to pick up BAT badges for your blog, they are available on my Flickr page. These are the same theocrats you will find in the contest!