Remember Alaskastan’s senatorial candidate and famous beard-wearing person Joe Miller who holds the distinction of being the only candidate to lose to a write-in campaign for the oddly spelled Lisa Murkowski? Remember him? Endorsed by Mooselini? Teabagger?
The Moose-Savant is gonna run again.
(Second verse: a little bit louder and a little bit worse!)
“He’s got the rifle, I’ve got the rack!”
–Sarah Palin, Alaska’s part-time Governor and full-time grifter at CPAC
UPDATE: Because you didn’t believe me:
Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Mooselini has a new book contract to deliver a fresh-tossed word salad atchya:
“Amidst the fragility of this politically correct era, it is imperative that we stand up for our beliefs before the element of faith in a glorious and traditional holiday like Christmas is marginalized and ignored,” Palin said in a statement released through her publisher. “This will be a fun, festive, thought provoking book, which will encourage all to see what is possible when we unite in defense of our faith and ignore the politically correct Scrooges who would rather take Christ out of Christmas.”
But not to worry the Narcissus Borealis is NOT taking a back seat to her Savior:
Palin also “will share personal memories and traditions from her own Christmases and illustrate the reasons why the celebration of Jesus Christ’s nativity is the centerpiece of her faith.”
That’s more like it.
UPDATE: I’ve been remiss. For a full 3/16th of a point towards your final grade, name Mooselini’s book. Bonus 3/16th of a point if you provide artwork.
(TPM)
While it IS funny that the Washington Post fell for a parody site that claimed that Sarah Palin was joining Al Jazeera America news network, it is also kinda telling that even legitimate news organizations would believe that Mooselini would do anything to reclaim her fame and fortune. She has become a national punchline and a parody of herself.
After all, a grifter has to grift, the WaPo seems to understand this now.
And now this news of Alaska’s part-time Governor and full-time grifter: The Price of Palin: $15 per Word Spoken During FOX Contract
…from that word salad chef, Mooselini:
“I encourage others to step out in faith, jump out of the comfort zone, and broaden our reach as believers in American exceptionalism. That means broadening our audience. I’m taking my own advice here as I free up opportunities to share more broadly the message of the beauty of freedom and the imperative of defending our republic and restoring this most exceptional nation. We can’t just preach to the choir; the message of liberty and true hope must be understood by a larger audience.”
Hilariously, she says this to the dead Breitbart blog, you know, because where else does one go to get one’s message out of the Wingnut echo chamber?
The Narcissus Borealis, Sarah Palin, did not have her contract with Fox News renewed.
Please… kill me now.
(Hat tip: Scissorhead Mr. C. Montgomery Burns)
“It went by very quickly. You know, it’s amazing to be here on election eve. I still haven’t had a chance to take a deep breath and think about everything that’s happened in these four years.”
–Mooselini admitting she doesn’t think. Grifters gotta grift.
I know it is hard to believe, but Griftzilla has endorsed The Stench! (Wonder how she will monetize that?) But she also wants us to remember that this 2012 Goat Rodeo is about more than the top of the ticket, and so she has set loose her ghost writer to say something not as word-salady as she would say:
We must also remember the many good Republican candidates who are running for the House and Senate this year. They deserve our support as well. If you are like me, you have watched these campaigns, learned about the candidates, and know where they stand despite the skewed lens of a partisan media bent on keeping liberal leadership in power. We saw the destruction a Democrat controlled White House, House, and Senate brought us after the 2008 election. Our country can’t afford that again. Your vote is the only safeguard against that happening.
Bitch still wants to cut Katie Couric.
And now we turn to Mooselini to find out what’s up.
“Our family is writing a book on fitness and self-discipline focusing on where we get our energy and balance as we still eat our beloved homemade comfort foods!”
A) Mooselini’s family’s a-writin’ a book?
2)Said book is about self-discipline?
iii)Balance?
Grifters gotta grift.
(People Magazine — there’s a horrifying picture of skin and bones Mooselini, all in black–angel of death?–tottering on high wedgies and lugging K-Mart bags in Los Angeles, where no doubt she is chillin’ with newly en-chinned daughter Brisket® who is back on Dancing with the Stars. She is not aging well.)
Brisket® should feed the meter: her 15 minutes of fame was up long, long ago:
She may have won an Emmy, but Julianne Moore’s portrayal of Sarah Palin gets a big thumbs down from one critic.
“I don’t think she’s a good interpreter of my mom. I think my mom is way hotter than that,” Sarah’s daughter Bristol Palin, 21, tells E! News about Moore, who channeled the former Alaska governor in HBO’s Game Change. “I think she doesn’t have that accent. It’s kind of silly, but my mom’s awesome.”
(People via Scissorhead Karen Zipdrive in the tip-line)
LOS ANGELES, CA – SEPTEMBER 23: Actress Julianne Moore accepts Outstanding Lead Actress in a Miniseries or a Movie for “Game Change” onstage during the 64th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Nokia Theatre L.A. Live on September 23, 2012 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images) Photo: Kevin Winter, Getty Images / SF
More people have won awards playing Alaskastan’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Mooselini than Palin has won elections.
Of course by nightfall, Moore’s win will be parlayed into an extended contract on Fox for Mooselini, so who’s really the winner?
“We already know that President Obama likes to “speak softly” to our enemies. If he doesn’t have a “big stick” to carry, maybe it’s time for him to grow one.”
–Sarah Palin
Somewhere, Grandpa Walnuts has his head in his hands, sobbing.
now that the fun and games and rants to empty chairs are done, time for the entire GOP family to get to work
Although he predicted it would not happen, Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., said Wednesday it would be “wise” for President Obama to take Vice President Joe Biden off the Democratic presidential ticket and replace him with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton .
Because Grandpa Walnuts knows how to pick running mates.
Brisket® is going to repeat her Dancing with the Stars role because, well, what else is that fame-whore oaf going to do?
Let’s hope she reprises her furry-endorsed Monkey Dance of Love.
Can it really be true? Can Wingnuttia’s love affair with Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin really be over?
(H/t: Scissorhead Mr. C. Montgomery Burns)
A popular talking point of the Left is that Grandpa Walnuts took one look at 31 years of The Willard Mechanism’s taxes and bolted to the warm (if not loopy) embrace of Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin. It makes for a good sound byte, but then some jerk at Politico had to ruin everyone’s fun and ask Walnuts why he selected Mooselini as his running mate and not our favorite time-traveling magical panties enthusiast.
Walnuts, never having met a microphone that he did not want to make sweet, sweet monkey love to, of course could not say the truth (“MILF,” but we’re only guessing), but instead said that Mooselini was the best candidate:
“Oh come on, because we thought that Sarah Palin was the better candidate. Why did we not take [Tim] Pawlenty, why did we not take any of the other 10 other people. Why didn’t I? Because we had a better candidate, the same way with all the others. … Come on, why? That’s a stupid question.”
OK, Walnuts, damning Willard with faint praise there, aren’t we? Mooselini was better than Willard? Really?
However, Steve Schmidt (who did not see the tax returns, he swears!) said something that might be closer to the truth:
Steve Schmidt, McCain’s top campaign adviser in 2008, told the Huffington Post that the contents of the tax returns were not viewed as a problem for their campaign. But Romney’s vast wealth was seen as a political liability that McCain could ill afford, he said.
“Sen. McCain got caught flat-footed answering a question about how many houses he owned,” Schmidt told the news website. “In fact, they were Cindy McCain’s properties but that distinction was lost in the political optics and we knew it would be a big liability that the presidential and the vice presidential candidates together owned more than a dozen homes. It was like something out of a ‘Saturday Night Live’ skit. I mean, come on.”
So there we have it: Mooselini was less problematic than Willard because between Willard and CindyPills, too much of a good thing was, well, too much.
But then again Walnuts almost sank as many fighter jets as he owns homes, so we give him the benefit of the doubt. After all the old maverick is a war hero. Oh, and incase Willard’s campaign didn’t say it: thanks for the fingerf***, Superman.
(Politico)
…will replace Brisket® Palin: Life’s a Dip:
The 21-year-old daughter of former Alaskan governor Sarah Palin debut her new Lifetime show to rather bleak numbers last week — and now the network is moving her out of the time period.
Lifetime confirms to The Hollywood Reporter that Life’s a Tripp will now air at 11 p.m. on Tuesdays, an hour after its broadcast of the first two weeks…
Life’s a Tripp, which follows Palin and her son’s lives in Los Angeles, debuted to just 726,000 viewers before sinking to 586,000 in its second week.
So the worlds most important receptionist and artificial chin model cannot make it on reality teevee, then what hope do the Palins have to grift in the lower 48?
(Hollywood Reporter via our pal Watertiger)
When last we left infamous single mom and professional virgin Brisket® Palin, she was doing her terrible and fearsome monkey-dance of love…
Oh, no, wait, that wasn’t it. It might have been the failed book tour, the chin implant, the mysterious house in the desert, perhaps shacking up with the new dude (“trial marriage”), the Hannity interview, the endless slamming of Levi, you know all the things that receptionists in Wasilla are noted for doing that the national press likes to cover.
Anyway, for some reason, Brisket® has released a statement, following Obama saying that his daughters’ acceptance of friends with same-sex parents helped prompt his change in perspective:
“In this case, it would’ve been helpful for him to explain to Malia and Sasha that while her friends parents are no doubt lovely people, that’s not a reason to change thousands of years of thinking about marriage. Or that – as great as her friends may be – we know that in general kids do better growing up in a mother/father home. Ideally, fathers help shape their kids’ worldview.
“In this situation, it was the other way around. I guess we can be glad that Malia and Sasha aren’t younger, or perhaps today’s press conference might have been about appointing Dora the Explorer as Attorney General because of her success in stopping Swiper the Fox.
“Sometimes dads should lead their family in the right ways of thinking. In this case, it would’ve been nice if the President would’ve been an actual leader and helped shape their thoughts instead of merely reflecting what many teenagers think after one too many episodes of Glee.”
And so there you have it: Malia and Sasha Obama, who so far have not shamed their family in any way, need a father figure who will help them become better people, you know, like Taaaahd helped shape her to become the model of virtue that she is.
(Politico)
The other night, Sarah went out to dinner with some of her friends, and she just happened to sit next to
David Chaney has been identified as the Secret Service supervisor who retired under pressure this week in the wake of the prostitution scandal rocking the agency.
On the bright side, he’s worked with ladies of ill repute before.
(TPM via @RipleyInCT on the Twitters)
It must be near the end of the empire:
The talk of a brokered convention never seems to die down and one interesting finding on this poll was that Sarah Palin is far more popular than any of the actual Republican candidates in the race. Her net favorability is +48, with 68% of voters rating her favorably to only 20% with a negative opinion. That compares favorably to +29 for Santorum, +19 for Romney, and -26 for Paul.
Palin is someone GOP delegates might be able to unify around in the case of a hopelessly deadlocked convention. She is seen positively by Gingrich voters (85/7), Santorum supporters (80/10), and Romney ones (57/27) alike. That’s a contrast to Romney who is disliked by both Santorum (38/48) and Gingrich (32/54) voters and Santorum who is disliked by Romney (38/48) voters and only seen narrowly favorably by Gingrich (46/42) backers.
Imagine you are an idiot and a Wingnut, but I repeat myself. Anyway, imagine you feel so despondent between your choices of a shape-shifting robot, a theocrat panty-sniffer, a staff-banging serial adulterer, and some crypto Ayn Rand fetishist William Jennings Bryant-hater that Alaska’s part-time governor and full time grifter Mooselini might look pretty good to you.
Mooselini has challenged President Obama to debate. This stretches the boundaries of my imagination like Michelle Duggar’s nether regions.
I have no idea what Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Mooselini is trying to say, but I’m under the impression that she will accept the nomination at the brokered GOP convention.
Oh, and send her money. Momma needs a new pair of Naughty Monkeys, yo.
More word salad from Mooselini:
“Truly, it is a war on our religious liberties and that violation of conscience that he would mandate that is un-American because it violates our First Amendment in our Constitution.”
I love the look on Petunia’s face. She and the two dunces cannot figure out what Griftzilla is saying, either.
UPDATE: deleted the clip which was autoplaying (for some people?), but you get the essence.
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