Mock, Paper, Scissors

“It went by very quickly. You know, it’s amazing to be here on election eve. I still haven’t had a chance to take a deep breath and think about everything that’s happened in these four years.”

–Mooselini admitting she doesn’t think. Grifters gotta grift.

Brisket^® should feed the meter: her 15 minutes of fame was up long, long ago:

She may have won an Emmy, but Julianne Moore’s portrayal of Sarah Palin gets a big thumbs down from one critic.

“I don’t think she’s a good interpreter of my mom. I think my mom is way hotter than that,” Sarah’s daughter Bristol Palin, 21, tells E! News about Moore, who channeled the former Alaska governor in HBO’s Game Change. “I think she doesn’t have that accent. It’s kind of silly, but my mom’s awesome.”

(People via Scissorhead Karen Zipdrive in the tip-line)

LOS ANGELES, CA – SEPTEMBER 23: Actress Julianne Moore accepts Outstanding Lead Actress in a Miniseries or a Movie for “Game Change” onstage during the 64th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Nokia Theatre L.A. Live on September 23, 2012 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images) Photo: Kevin Winter, Getty Images / SF

More people have won awards playing Alaskastan’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Mooselini than Palin has won elections.

Of course by nightfall, Moore’s win will be parlayed into an extended contract on Fox for Mooselini, so who’s really the winner?

A popular talking point of the Left is that Grandpa Walnuts took one look at 31 years of The Willard Mechanism’s taxes and bolted to the warm (if not loopy) embrace of Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin. It makes for a good sound byte, but then some jerk at Politico had to ruin everyone’s fun and ask Walnuts why he selected Mooselini as his running mate and not our favorite time-traveling magical panties enthusiast.

Walnuts, never having met a microphone that he did not want to make sweet, sweet monkey love to, of course could not say the truth (“MILF,” but we’re only guessing), but instead said that Mooselini was the best candidate:

“Oh come on, because we thought that Sarah Palin was the better candidate. Why did we not take [Tim] Pawlenty, why did we not take any of the other 10 other people. Why didn’t I? Because we had a better candidate, the same way with all the others. … Come on, why? That’s a stupid question.”

OK, Walnuts, damning Willard with faint praise there, aren’t we? Mooselini was better than Willard? Really?

However, Steve Schmidt (who did not see the tax returns, he swears!) said something that might be closer to the truth:

Steve Schmidt, McCain’s top campaign adviser in 2008, told the Huffington Post that the contents of the tax returns were not viewed as a problem for their campaign. But Romney’s vast wealth was seen as a political liability that McCain could ill afford, he said.

“Sen. McCain got caught flat-footed answering a question about how many houses he owned,” Schmidt told the news website. “In fact, they were Cindy McCain’s properties but that distinction was lost in the political optics and we knew it would be a big liability that the presidential and the vice presidential candidates together owned more than a dozen homes. It was like something out of a ‘Saturday Night Live’ skit. I mean, come on.”

So there we have it: Mooselini was less problematic than Willard because between Willard and CindyPills, too much of a good thing was, well, too much.

But then again Walnuts almost sank as many fighter jets as he owns homes, so we give him the benefit of the doubt. After all the old maverick is a war hero. Oh, and incase Willard’s campaign didn’t say it: thanks for the fingerf***, Superman.

(Politico)

Hey guys, remember that time when all of Liblandia was in love with handsome sociopath John Edwards and we stood our ground and said that he showed very poor leadership skills and judgement? Me Neither!

But anyway, it seems we were right! Who knew? I mean, other than us? And that was before we knew that he was banging the staff! Some poor ink-stained wretch over at TPM has kept a list of the best-worst things that have come out of his campaign fraud trial, and I’ve annotated it, you know, because it’s what I do.

• Edwards Referred to Rielle Hunter as a ‘Crazy Slut’ – now if you are going to have an affair, why have it with someone you don’t like? Oh, right: she videotapes like a mink, if you know what I mean and I think you do.
• Edwards Asked Sean Penn For PR Advice – this one’s easy. Who asks Sean Penn for advice with dealing with the press? Anyway, he went through 13 drafts with his speechwriter for the statement admitting paternity in 2009, which is why it took him until 2010 to release it.
• Justice John Edwards? – Sociopaths always have a plan. His was to be Vice President then President and then SCOTUS Justice, because, hey baby, he wanted to bang that big gavel. Actually he wanted to bang everything.
• Told Aide To ‘Go Fuck’ Himself - which of us has not told an aide to do this? Oh, wait. I guess that’s the thing you do with underpaid handlers that you hire to protect you and your image from yourself.
• Bunny Mellon Thought Edwards Should Pay For His Own Girlfriend – Somehow or other poor-old gazillionaire Bunny Mellon was conned into giving significant money to his campaign, and when she found out about how it was being used to keep his crazy slut girlfriend living in luxury, she was kinda pissed. However, it should be noted that Bunny was also a staff-banging serial adulteress, so maybe this is kinda moot?

(TPM)

God would be having a very rough time in the Major Leagues the season

After over 2,000 years of silence [conversations with Jesus, Moses, Abraham and select others apparently were quite exhausting], America must truly be the chosen people [not the Jews] that God decided to become so chatty [and political] just as the 2012 US election got underway.  But God is not speaking to everyone in his chosen nation – he (a true religious soul knows God is not a she) has only been speaking to people in the Republican Party.  And what is God saying to those chosen people – to care for the needy? to be kind to your brethren?  for peace and harmony?  Of course not – God has been encouraging Republicans to
A) Run for the Presidency
B) Trash, demonize, obliterate, mock and be nasty to the current President

Apparently 2,000 years of being non-conversational unleashes a ton of negativity.   If only King Tut could have talked, I wonder what he would have said about all those slaves building the pyramids

Here are some of the chosen people God has spoken to as of late:

Michele Bachmann – has stated that God has been quietly encouraging her to run for president. Bachmann told [that bastion of accuracy] the World Net Daily that she would never run without God’s personal endorsement. “If I felt that’s what the Lord was calling me to do, I would do it,” she answered. “When I have sensed that the Lord is calling me to do something, I’ve said yes to it. But I will not seek a higher office if God is not calling me to do it. That’s really my standard. If I am called to serve in that realm I would serve, but if I am not called, I wouldn’t do it.”  Bachmann confirmed prior to jumping in the race in 2011 that she did “have that calling and that tugging on my heart.”

Herman Cain- While campaigning for president in December of 2010, Cain was feeling tired and discouraged [and unable to get all the poontang he needed] when he received a direct sign from God that he must continue. “I just know at this point I am following God’s plan.”

Rick Perry – Anita Perry [beard par excellence] said via The Political Wire that her husband Rick Perry was “called by God to run for president.”  She further stated that some of his rivals for the Republican nomination “may feel like God called them too.”

That is three swings and three misses for God – which in baseball [his chosen nation's sport] usually means you’re out.  But there are actually THREE ways God can still get to base [aka the White House] after those third strikes

1. The catcher drops the ball on the third strike (which would have a lot of implications for Rick Perry)

2. The catcher interferes

3. You have one more swing with your double super secret beacon of light Louisville (or in this case Pennsylvania) slugger

Rick Santorum – Karen Santorum [Mrs. Frothy] told CBN’s David Brody in May 2011 about her husband’s decision to run for president, “It really boils down to God’s will. What is it that God wants?  We have prayed a lot about this decision, and we believe with all our hearts that this is what God wants.”

Coming to the $1 table as fast as you can say “Going Rogue”

The Narcissus Borealis gets the star treatment she so richly deserves.

The Vanity Fair story on Mooselini is out, and while it makes it clear that she is a fraud and a fameball grifter with the brain of a disoriented gerbil, there are some gems in the article.

But the best part is the side bar, Sarah Palin’s Shopping Spree:

On October 23, two days after stories about Palin’s exorbitant campaign clothing budget first surfaced, Palin e-mailed aides in a fury: “Ridiculous – I’ll try to be patient through this, but this is ridiculous and hypocritical in terms of my values, and prudent use of ‘other people’s money’ – It’s puzzling, even infuriating, why the clothes issue is what it is now. My family was never told that all must be returned … Not until two days ago when I read we may have a challenge in tracking down [her son] Track’s very expensive sweater(s) (that he didn’t request), as they’re either on base at Ft. Wainwright somewhere, or perhaps even overseas … I’ve asked many, many times how this was all supposed to work with clothes that were presented me and the kids – who was paying … ” (A close campaign aide says that this is untrue, and that Palin never asked any such questions.)

But in the very next paragraph, Palin was trying to figure out a way to hang on to some of the items: “Do they want the nylons and other things that are pretty worn, returned?” (And she asked a campaign aide, “Do they really want my dirty undergarments?” Indeed, Palin had something of a fixation on the handling of her undergarments, and insisted, when hotel maids did her laundry, that only campaign aides be allowed to touch those particular articles.) Attempting to wrest some control over the situation, she added, “I want say in the charities these will go to.”

By the time she returned to Alaska, after Election Day, Palin’s transformation was complete. An e-mail string dated November 7 includes terse directives to aides to search for particular items of clothing that she wanted to keep: “Remember the five black leather Flyers bags w sweatshirts and jerseys and Flyers propaganda in each bag? Anyone know where they ended up?” One of the aides who were sent to Alaska to retrieve and catalogue the items purchased for Palin recalls that, during these days, mysteriously, “all of a sudden, she couldn’t find stuff.”

I’m sure the Koch brothers would ante up for some panties, Mooselini. Think of the money you could rake in.

(Vanity Fair)

I’m sick to death of John Edwards’ ego, and yet there is a certain train-wreck fascination now that his weirdo mistress is talkin‘… but here is the best Q&A in the entire interview (that I stopped reading at this point, anyway):

Q: If you could change anything about Johnny, what would it be?
A: Um… [laughs] That’s a great question. I would change nothing about him. I would change, within myself, my, um, inability to be more accepting in certain areas. I get frustrated. And when I get frustrated—all under the story line that he’s not doing what I want him to do or he’s not acting the way I want him to act—I lose patience. So I would wish for more patience. Having a child helps with that. But it’s not him, it’s me. Because he’s doing the best he can. With the awareness level he has. He’s a man. [laughs]

So speaketh the doormat, because egomaniacal spooge-demon Johnny Edwards is perfect in every way.

“He threw out [the words] ‘You people — you people made your choice. You made your choice during the election,’ ” the source said. “It was almost as if [he was saying] ‘You’re cut off!’ We felt very uncomfortable when we walked away from the meeting because of that.“

– Anonymous Source

I guess someone finally told Grandpa Walnuts that he lost the election, and that hispanics went 2:1 for the Carebear.

(Hat tip: TexBetsy)

So I’m looking around for somebody to pray with, I just need maybe a little help, maybe a little extra. And the McCain campaign, love ‘em, you know, they’re a lot of people around me, but nobody I could find that I wanted to hold hands with and pray.

– Mooselini

The very funny and comically mismanaged preznintial Walnuts-Mooselini campaign ended when?– last year — and Mooselini is still whining about how she was treated? Wanna bet she still holds a grudge against her first boyfriend, or that business partner of her husband’s she was shtupping?

eBay

Sarah Palin’s “Double-dare Naughty Monkey” red shoes sell on eBay for $2025.00.

It doesn’t say what Chris Wallace plans to do with them, though…

Couric tries really hard not to let Letterman goad her into saying something she will regret, but this is worth listening to.

Mooselini says to the New York Times…

Ms. Palin directed most of her media criticism at liberal bloggers, whom she twice called, “those bloggers in their parents’ basement just talkin’ garbage.”

REUTERS/Mike Blake

“…and other fascists.”

And here is a breakdown of who voted for whom.

As long rumored, Mooselini was both a Diva and a Dumb-ass, and clearly the Mad Dog campaign knew she was not fit for the role. I love that this character assasination is on Fox News. Ronnie must be spinning in his grave, as this is the ultimate in infighting with the GOP.

(AP Photo/Carolyn Kaster)

And yes, that is Traitor Joe and the Sea Hag in the rear. What a triple date that must have been!

(Rick Wilking/Reuters)

His concession speech last night was extraordinary – it was well delivered and very conciliatory, and he even shouted down his fans when they started booing the Carebear’s win. He was gracious, and a class act. There is a lot of good in the way our system works (when it works), and John McCain earned my respect.

I’m wishing him well in whatever the next role is in his amazing life.

(Nathaniel Wilder/Reuters)

“…Arby’s is hiring, you betcha!”

REUTERS/Mike Blake

“…besides, I’ve got 2012 to think about. I gotta get your old man, loser stench off of me.”

(AP Photo/Ted S. Warren)

…accepts ATM transfers. GOP Politics at its most efficient!

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(AP Photo/The Arizona Republic, David Kadlubowski)

…both of ‘em.

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Hat tip: Racynora, a cute strawberry blonde herself.

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Everyone by now has seen some form of the Daft Punk fan club dance video by now, but this really tickled me.

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(Brian Snyder/Reuters)

…you can be too rich and too thin.

What the hell is C-Word thinking? That outfit looks like the scrubbing sponge in my sink.

(AFP/Robyn Beck)

“…eight years?”

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Mooselini autographs a bumper sticker for 2012.

…up for re-election in 2012!

(Does that mean that this is all over but the shouting?)

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In this May 9, 2000, file photo Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., reacts as Republican presidential candidate, Texas Gov. George W. Bush, makes a statement during a joint news conference after their meeting in Pittsburgh, Pa. Even as McCain said he looked forward to ‘enthusiastically campaigning’ for the presumptive Republican presidential nominee, the vanquished rival had to be prompted before using the word ‘endorse.’ McCain compared the chore to swallowing a bitter mouthful of medicine. (AP Photo/Stephan Savoia, File)

…to get screwed by Chimpy McStagger twice?

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(AP Photo/Carolyn Kaster)

…lacks something.

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