Allegedly, Gawker got their hands on Politico’s memo on what to ask celebrities at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner. This is either authentic or the best prank ever. The questions are so obsequious and idiotic that I think that they must have come from them.
If you read it, be prepared for some second-hand shame to envelope you, and as Pierce would say, “Prestone, my good man.”
“One of these days someone’s going to trigger one of these homemade bombs with an ObamaPhone. Can we at least cut the welfare off now?”
–Dennis Miller
Because welfare=terrorists.
Gee, you know Dennis, someday some terrorist is going to drive on a road paid for by taxpayer dollars, too, so we should stop building them, too?
And before I get off my soapbox, can we quit calling the Lifeline telephone program Obamaphones? They were created before The Kenyan took office and it is not funded by taxpayer money. It is designed to allow the poor to connect to jobs, family, and 911 services. I don’t think any of those things are bad.
“It is not rocket scientry!”
–Candice Miller (R-MI) who insisted that Napolitano was just making excuses for a failure to secure the border.
One part crazy, one part ignorant, and one part giving up your secrets.
The best part is that she’ll watch that video and think, “Nailed it.”
“And I pointed out, well, once you make it ten [bullets in a round], then why would you draw the line at ten? What’s wrong with nine? Or eleven? And the problem is once you draw that limit ; it’s kind of like marriage when you say it’s not a man and a woman any more, then why not have three men and one woman, or four women and one man, or why not somebody has a love for an animal? “
–Congressman Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) explaining how gun control leads to gay marriage and beastiality.
Oh, Lord. You gave them eyes but they do not see. Ears, but they do not listen. Brains, well, you forgot to give them those. Mouths? Yeah, they use them. A Lot.
Leaving “discretion up to the State HHS director” is messed-up. Just wait from some Xristian Xrazie to get in that office.
(Hat tip: Scissorhead KCTomato)
This must be the most stupid analysis yet from the most intellectually dishonest rest stop on the information super-highway (The NRO):
Welcome to the scorched-earth phase of the Democrats’ “war on women” campaign, and the beginning of a ruthless offensive to hold their Senate majority, and possibly to retake the House, in 2014.
Democrats have nearly perfected the following exercise in cynical electioneering:
- introduce legislation;
- title it something that appeals to the vast majority of Americans who have no interest in learning what is actually in the bill, e.g., the “Violence Against Women Act”;
- make sure it is sufficiently noxious to the GOP that few Republicans will support it;
- vote, and await headlines such as “[GOP Lawmaker] Votes No On Violence Against Women Act”;
- clip and use headline in 30-second campaign ad; and
- repeat.
Those Bastids! How dare they fiendishly start this plot rolling in 1994 and have it sail through the house renewed by vast bipartisan majorities every congress ever since?!
OK, aside from the fact that it is Stuart Varmint talking to The Other Dumb One on an episode of Petunia and Pals, and aside from the fact that Varmint is claiming The Kenyan Usurper is trying to bribe 4-year olds with free stuff to vote for him in 15 years (WTF?), don’t we already have public education in this country? In what way is having pre-school any different from any other grade level?
Famous Reagan-era UN diplomat and former Assistant Secretary of State for International Organizations who ran as a candidate in three Republican Party presidential primaries, Alan Keyes is in the news again for saying something stupid about the possibility that the Boy Scouts might stop discriminating against gay kids.
‘The Boy Scouts of America may imminently abandon the organization’s commitment to true Christian morals, allowing homosexuals into the ranks and leadership of its troops,’ Keyes wrote.
‘All Christian churches should immediately and spontaneously withdraw from their cooperation with the BSA’s corporate entity which would, from that point on, be usurping the name and reputation of the Scouting movement. The thunderous impression of their withdrawal would alert and warn all believers of the pitfall any association with the usurpers must henceforward entail.’
‘It will speedily become evident that what masquerades as tolerance is actually indoctrination, seeking to mould boys according to the standard the BSA trustees will have raised above God’s standard.’
‘On many campuses now, refusal to experiment with homosexuality is frowned upon as a sign of bigotry, so henceforth in Scouting braking down this prejudice would be recognized as a meritorious activity,’ Keyes claimed.
‘Though camouflaged in different words there will be a merit badge for this experimentation as part of the regime of homosexual indoctrination.’
Yes, you read that right: Merit Badges for gay sex. I suppose it will even out the program with the Knot Tying Merit Badge for bondage, though. And let’s forget the Animal Husbandry one entirely. This is, after all, a family blog.
Sweet Jeebus! He tries to back down, but then…
Anyway, the state of Tennessee has suspended his handgun carry permit, which I guess means we can look forward to a third video with him telling his accidental and formidable army that game’s on:
NASHVILLE — The Tennessee Department of Safety and Homeland Security announced today the suspension of James Yeager’s handgun carry permit after he was featured in a threatening YouTube video post that went viral earlier this week.
The decision to suspend Yeager’s handgun carry permit was based on a “material likelihood of risk of harm to the public” (TCA 39-17-1352).
Yeager, 42, of Camden, Tenn., allegedly claimed he would “start killing people” if the Obama administration took executive action to pass gun control measures.
“The number one priority for our department is to ensure the public’s safety. Mr. Yeager’s comments were irresponsible, dangerous, and deserved our immediate attention. Due to our concern, as well as that of law enforcement, his handgun permit was suspended immediately. We have notified Mr. Yeager about the suspension today via e-mail, and he will receive an official notification of his suspension through the mail,” Commissioner Bill Gibbons said.
Mr. Yeager is also the CEO of Tactical Response, a firearms and tactical training school in Camden. He is not a Department of Safety and Homeland Security certified instructor, nor is his school department certified.
Mr. Yeager has the right to seek review of the department’s decision in the general sessions court of his county of residence or through the Department of Safety and Homeland Security.
(TPM)
UPDATE: That was fast: here’s part 3, with his lawyer!
I don’t swear much in real life–I’m workin’ on it–but this just made me blurt out a stream worthy of Tourette’s Syndrome.
Check out the infographic for the so-called platinum coin option.
No one knows how to use props for dramatic effect like Ann Althouse, who gives us a Zapruder-like, frame-by-frame analysis of David Gregory brandishing the ammo clips on his Sunday Morning Talkie.
Althouse, being Althouse the greatest legal mind of her generation of wingnuts, then wants to know other times people have used props to great effect and seems stumped, but luckily recalls pro-lifers using a fetus replica. This is wingnuttian free association at its finest: guns, fetuses. All she needs is a gay and she wins a prize.
(Althouse)
David Brooks to Teach ‘Humility’ at Yale
Jeebus, the guy who will never admit that he has been wrong about anything (and lord, has he ever been right about anything?) is going to teach a class on humility? But the kicker is: No Final Exam. Just like in Bobo’s life. All pass and no fail.
(NYMag)
Famous friend of hookers everywhere and notorious toe-sucking pundit Dick Morris is offering another explanation for why Mitt Romney lost the 2012 Goat Rodeo to the Kenyan Usurper: Hurricane Sandy kept whites from voting.
Yeah, New England was gonna go for The Stench and The Granny-Starver. Good chat, Dick.
(Petunia and Pals)
It’s almost like Steve Doocy never noticed that each month when the new BLS numbers come out that they refine and revise the previous numbers as better data becomes available.
On a related note, Scientists report that goldfish are able to remember things for a few seconds.
Let’s start with his lede:
President Obama is assembling his new national security team, with Senator John Kerry possibly heading for the Pentagon and U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice the perceived front-runner to become secretary of state. Kerry is an excellent choice for defense. I don’t know Rice at all, so I have no opinion on her fitness for the job, but I think the contrived flap over her Libya comments certainly shouldn’t disqualify her. That said, my own nominee for secretary of state would be the current education secretary, Arne Duncan.
First off, “I don’t know Rice at all, so I have no opinion on her fitness for the job,” has never stopped a pundit from an opinion, and besides I thought the whole purpose of the village was that the Villagers know everyone worth knowing.
Secondly, Arne Duncan?
By all means, insert a Race-to-the-Top clause in all of our international negotiations. “Well, yes, Israel, but only if you improve your test scores.” Oh, schweet Jeebus, I was only kidding:
“…it would be very helpful to have a secretary of state who can start a negotiating session with Hamas leaders (if we ever talk with them) by asking: “Do you know how far behind your kids are?”
So how many Friedman Units until he nominates Michelle Rhee, and makes the SOS a profit center?
Our favorite nut has still not conceded the race, however there is an interesting development:
“I would be glad to have him come back to Georgia and at some point run here,” Sue Everhart, chairman of the Georgia Republican party told my AJC colleague Daniel Malloy during a discussion about diversity within the Republican party. “I would certainly try to help him because he has done his job. The way he ran his race didn’t in any way interfere with the job he did. He ran as a Republican, a conservative Republican.”
More at Political Insider.
BuzzFeed has a cornucopia of Wingnuttian Twatters calling for the assassination of the President.
Including this one, with someone offering to pay for it:
The wailing and gnashing of teeth is a joy to behold, but her bit on Nate Silver tastes especially satisfying.
Dame Peggington Noonington of the Brooklynshire Nooningtons has burped forth from the Aviary II and consulted with the Magical Dolphins who guided little Elian to the shores of Florida and has made a pronouncement for The Stench:
All the vibrations are right.
…which is about as good as Noonan gets after the three-day Mai Tai extravaganza. Either that or she left her Jack Rabbit on.
(Petunia and Pals) Is it a Hurricane Sandy Benefit or is it a concert for Obama?
This is the stupidest 2 minutes on the TeeVee Machine you will see today. But my favorite bit is when The Other Dumb One (the contest continues to name Petunia’s sidekicks, by the way) wants to know why there are no conservative entertainers in the NBC line-up, because you know, Pat Boone and Victoria Jackson are such big-name acts…
“I don’t really believe that there’s a hurricane…Well, I mean I know the government wants us to think that. But I mean think about it, the earth rotates very quickly…”
“You find that along with the culture of death go all kinds of other law-breaking: Not following good sanitary procedure, giving abortions to women who are not actually pregnant, cheating on taxes, all these kinds of things.”
–Todd Akin, noted spermicidal magical lady parts scholar.
Allen West to Wife: Be my Porn Star!
I’m all for getting your freak-on (as long as it is consenting adults we’re talking about), but Allen West? Ewww, gross! I assumed he had Ken doll parts. Small one at that.
The congressman proceeds tells his wife he expects certain intimate acts upon his return that will be “the standard and it is non-negotiable.”
He tells her: “From now on, you will wear two-piece swim suits when on vacations.”
Then: “Angela, I need to know, are you committed to being my porn star?
“I do not want to hear ‘no’ or ‘we’ll see about that.’ I want my fantasies to be with you. God has authorized you and you only as my partner for intimacy and that is what I want.”
And he signs off: “Get ready!”
Now, would it be irresponsible of us to speculate what the West’s do in the privacy of their home? Nay, says I: it would be irresponsible to NOT speculate! For 2 points towards your mid-term grade, describe what you think these Standard and non-negotiable acts are.
In the comments, number 2 lead pencils.
“…When you have a fire in an aircraft, there’s no place to go, exactly, there’s no — and you can’t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t open. I don’t know why they don’t do that. It’s a real problem.”
–His Willardness, remarking on his gratitude that Queen Ann was safe and sound following an electrical fire in her chartered jet.
Which of course only means one thing:
Former Vice Preznint and noted undead guy sociopath Dick Cheney is not happy with The Kenyan Usurper Hawaiian Devil Baby one bit. Not One Bit!
It seems that President Carebear prefers to read the President’s Daily Briefing rather than to have it read to him (like My Pet Goat? Yes), which as we all know is how Chimpy preferred it (“never had enough pictures?) and how he kept us all safe. Except when he didn’t.
The End.
(The Daily Caller, the vanity press project of that bow-tie wearing fiend and frozen dinner heir, Tucker Carlson)
Magical panties enthusiast and notable liar The Willard Mechanism is the proverbial drowning man swimming towards the sinking ship: he’s desperate. But this quote from Willard over the weekend takes the $3 coin:
“I will not take God out of the name of our platform. I will not take God off our coins and I will not take God out of my heart. We’re a nation that’s bestowed by God.”
Now then, President Carebear’s campaign has learned that you have to fight back each time one of the Flying Monkeys attack, and here’s a classic response:
“The president believes as much that God should be taken off a coin as he does that aliens will attack Florida.”
Given how dumb the teabaggers are, we should keep an eye on Florida today to see if they all go running to WallyMart to stock up on survival gear.
(Yahoo News and the follow up: Yahoo News)
Meet Tom Smith, the Republican challenging Sen. Bob Casey’s (D-PA) seat.
You may also remember that Smith is the guy who says that having a baby out of wedlock is, you know, rape.
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