The Morning Quote and then some

Posted by Tengrain Wednesday, November 30th, 2011

Newt-and-Callista

“The ‘closest analog’ to [Callista] ‘is Nancy Reagan,’ [Newt] said, in that ‘Nancy was extraordinarily close to Ronnie and that they discussed virtually everything.”

–Newticles via the Politico spam email thingy

The princess phone in Peggy Noonan’s Aviary 2 (the clever name she gave her chic and expansive penthouse in the best part of town) was ringing off the hook at the ungodly hour of ten AM. Groggily, Noonan picked up the receiver.

“Nooner,” screached her nemisis Nancy Reagan, “Did you see that Newt Gingrich has compared me to his wife?!”

“Nancy,” Noonan mumbled into the handset, “too early, haven’t had my elevenses yet.” she took a thankful sip of the Moscow Mule that Consuela had so thoughtfully brought in. “What happened?”

“I’ll have you know that Callista is a rank amature compared to me. That bitch never had to blow an entire suite of studio executives in an afternoon to get cast in Hellcats of the Navy…

Noonan rang off.

Today in History

Posted by Tengrain Friday, April 1st, 2011

4/1/86

The Los Angeles Country Board of Supervisors votes to lobby Congress to rename the Angeles National Forest the “Reagan National Forest.” Says Sierra Club spokesman Bob Hattoy, “Naming a national forest after Ronald Reagan is like naming a day care center after W.C. Fields.”

4/1/87

A White House official admits that Saint Ronnie has never discussed AIDS with Surgeon General C. Everett Koop and has yet to read Koop’s 6-month old report, which predicted 180,000 deaths from the disease by 1991.

Does the deluxe Reagan package…

Posted by Tengrain Monday, February 7th, 2011

…come with the sound of the 2 and-one-half month pregnant Nancy barfing? Because that’s about the only way you could get me to stay in Riverside and pay $1,000 for it.

As the nation remembers the 100th anniversary of Ronald Reagan’s birth (Feb. 6), all sorts of events are taking place, all sorts of merchandise can be purchased and lots of folks will try to get as close to the memory of the nation’s 40th president as possible.

So try this one on for size: How about sleeping in the same bed as the Gipper did?

Ronald and Nancy Reagan spent part of their 1952 honeymoon at the Mission Inn in Riverside, Calif. To mark the occasion, the resort is now offering “The Reagan Honeymoon Package.”

Among other amenities, the $1,199 getaway includes “Deluxe Accommodations for Two in the Alhambra Suite” where the Reagans stayed the first night of their marriage.

You’ll also get dinner, massages, passes to the Reagan Library — and the opportunity to boast that you had a romantic evening where the Reagans once did.

(The Click)

The Feast of Saint Ronnie

Posted by Tengrain Sunday, February 6th, 2011

Feast-of-Saint-Ronnie

One hundred years ago today, Sweet Baby Jeebus appeared to President Howard Taft and said to him, Pull my finger. Out pooped little Ronnie Reagan, and the rest was history.

Today we gather to honor the memory, the legacy, the lunacy of Saint Ronnie, on the occasion of his 100th birthday. Throughout the day, I will update this post with links to your fond remembrances of the old cabbage. Send links to your posts on your blogs to: tengrain AT mockpaperscissors DOT com. I will post them here:

Come back and check often.

Please feel free to leave lengthy, pointless comments (as Ronnie would).

Regards,

Tengrain

Neville Carebear

Posted by Tengrain Tuesday, December 7th, 2010

President Carebear, that mythical Hopey-Changey man has now fully endorsed trickle-down economics and GOP policies.

As many others have noted, he does not have the courage of his convictions, or the spine, to put up a fight. Personally, I think it is much more likely that as a Rockefeller Republican, he is OK with the policy generally.

What little progress we’ve made in the past two years should be credited to Nancy Pelosi who did the real work getting bills through The House where they then went to die in the tender embrace of Harry Reid. The President, of course, was playing 7-Dimensional Chess and could not be bothered to help.

So how did we reward Nancy for carrying so much water for Harry and The Bear? We overwhelming elected the GOP, removed her from being the Speaker of the House, and in her place we installed a known drunk, a mental midget, and absolutely corrupt politician noted for handing out cheques from Big Tobacco on the Floor of the House, the perpetually tanned John Boehner, AKA, Weepy.

It’s really hard for me to work up too much of a sweat overall. The Millionaires and their ilk already were paying almost no taxes, so this Neville Chamberlain appeasement on taxes means little in reality, truth be told. But symbolically it means the world.

Welcome to the 8th term of Ronald Reagan.

And so it goes.

What? Green and Wrinkled?

Posted by Tengrain Wednesday, September 1st, 2010
Media Matters

Icky. He must be all worm-ridden by now. Just like Nancy.

I like CGI Reagan better than the real one…

Posted by Tengrain Friday, August 6th, 2010

…at least I think this one doesn’t have access to The Codes.

Remember those creepy claymation Christmas Specials, like the one with the Island of Broken Toys? Brrrrrrr, me neither!

Anyway, welcome to the new GOP-world of CGI-Reagan (minty fresh!), where you can watch the resurrected Saint Gipper (Zombie?) do battle with President Carebear. We’re not sure what this is, but we liked the Road Runner better. We think he might be smarter that the Gipper, too.

Now you too can have Saint Ronnie as your server!

Posted by Tengrain Friday, July 30th, 2010

The adopted son of Jane Wyman, the failed hate-radio personality Michael Reagan, is selling email addresses bearing the imprint of Saint Ronnie:

Conservative talk radio host Michael Reagan, eldest son of former president Ronald Reagan, is selling @Reagan.com e-mail addresses on his website with an appeal to conservatives to stop giving their money to companies he casts as tied to liberalism.

So for a lowly $35 per year, you can proudly have your email address be xyz@Reagan.com.

I’m thinking about going for MarxistRentboy@Reagan.com, or maybe Ketchup@Reagan.com. What addresses are you interested in?

(CBS)

Pop Quiz!

Posted by Tengrain Thursday, July 29th, 2010

February 6 is Ronald Reagan Day – For three bonus points counting towards 1.37% of your final grade, tell us in the comments how you plan to celebrate. Time’s up, #2 pencil’s down, close your blue books.

Feel the Love Tour Continues!

Posted by Tengrain Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

Some of you wonder (I know it!) why I continue to pick on crazy old cat-lady, Phyllis Schlafly. I think you now get it. Between the blacks (not said with irony, either) and unwed women kicking their husbands out (what?) and welfare sponges, Crazy Phyllis is not taking the back seat to any old Teabagger.

(Full disclosure: in the Reagan-era ’80s, Schlafly showed up at my mother’s house to address the DAR meeting she was hosting. My sister, Eightgrain, stood up in the middle of the speech, flipped off Schlafly and walked out of the meeting, along with the younger half of the chapter, never to attend again. This story always stayed with me.)

(Michigan Liberal via Watertiger)

Is it too late to bid on Saint Ronnie?

Posted by Tengrain Friday, July 16th, 2010

NEW YORK – After sitting stuffed and mounted for more than 40 years in a museum, Roy Rogers’ horse Trigger and dog Bullet will be TV stars once more.

Rural cable network RFD-TV bought Bullet for $35,000 on Thursday and Trigger for $266,000 a day earlier at an auction in New York City.

RFD-TV owner Patrick Gottsch said the Omaha, Neb.-based network will begin airing old Roy Rogers movies on Saturdays starting November 6. The movie cowboy’s son, Roy Jr., will introduce each film, as Trigger and Bullet stand in the background.

I mean, wasn’t he stuffed and then mounted by every GOPer in the known universe?

Shorter David Broder:

Posted by Tengrain Saturday, July 10th, 2010

“Why can’t the kooky racist Teabaggers be more like the gentler, kinder racist Reagan Revolutionaries?”

(Someone tell me why I read this stuff? ‘Cause I’m an idiot, right?)

Bobo: “Some Good, Some Bad, Some Say”

Posted by Tengrain Friday, June 11th, 2010

Little Davey Brooks recovered from his bad acid trip with The Big Shaggy, but continues down the psycho rabbit hole, screaming that it is time for deficit reduction, in the middle of the Great Recession. And of course, being the driver of the Reasonable Centrist Clown Car, Brooks continues on with his delusional crap of that is is imperative to reduce middle-class entitlement programs, you know, for the good of the middle class.

So, to back up his thesis, Bobo gets out his favorite three-legged orchard ladder and picks some cherries. His first stop is his NYTimes colleague, Edward L. Glaeser, who received his degree from the University of Chicago (i.e., Milton Friedman disciple; think Shock Doctrine) who finds only a slight correlation between deficit spending and job growth. Notably, Brooks does NOT consult his other NYTimes colleague, the Nobel Prize winning one, Paul Krugman. Most assuredly an oversight.

Brooks also cites an economist from Harvard, Alberto Alesina, who wrote a paper that basically says that politicians who go into deficit reduction mode do not always get voted out at the next election. The paper, while it does boost the consequences of deficit reductions is really focused on the politicians, not on the economy.

This leads Stuck in the Middle Brooks to saying that economists are divided on the issue, which is a place where he usually finds succor and comfort. But not today. Brooks could have talked to Mark Zandi, chief economist for Moody’s Economy.com, who testified during a congressional hearing that preserving jobless aid is more important than deficit reduction in the short term, but that would disrupt his own thesis, which is that we need to tighten our belts for the good of everyone.

Bobo notes that “high-skill sectors saw no net loss of jobs during the recession. Middle-skill sectors like sales saw an 8 percent employment decline. Blue-collar jobs fell by 16 percent.” Davey, can you define high-skills sectors?

In other words, the recession exacerbated the inequalities we’ve been seeing for decades.

Yes, Davey, for 30-long, hard years. No where in his obligatory 800 words belched out twice weekly does Brooks mention how we got in this jam, there is no mention of the 30 years of unabated piss-on or voodoo economics started by Saint Ronnie that set us hurling down this path towards the abyss.

As wonky Ezra Klein tells us, “There has been zero net job creation since December 1999. No previous decade going back to the 1940s had job growth of less than 20 percent. Economic output rose at its slowest rate of any decade since the 1930s as well.

This was the first business cycle where a working-age household ended up worse at the end of it than the beginning, and this in spite of substantial growth in productivity, which should have been able to improve everyone’s well-being.

– Lawrence Mishel, president of the Economic Policy Institute, a liberal think tank.

So how did the CEO and donor class do during the recession, Bobo? Can you tell us?

Prune and Grow, by David Brooks

David Brooks says… what, exactly?

Posted by Tengrain Tuesday, May 4th, 2010

Today, Bobo starts off his wretched column with an unusual gambit: he gives us a tautology: Let A = A.

For some strange reason Bobo is comparing Swedes to Swedes, and he marvels at how alike they are. He could compare Irish to Irish or Dutch to Dutch, too, but he is fascinated by the Swedes, and who can blame him?

Now, Bobo having an inquisitive mind and being a man of science who yearns for knowledge, he then twiddles with some of the variables. In 1950, Swedes lived an average of 2.6 years longer than Americans. Over the next half-century, Sweden and the U.S. diverged politically. Sweden built a large welfare state with a national health service, while the U.S. did not. The result? There was basically no change in the life expectancy gap. Swedes now live 2.7 years longer.

Bobo is amazed!!! Amazed that Darwin’s Law of Natural Selection had not increased the life expectancy of Swedes in a single generation or two, from what is essentially an externality. Bobo makes me very glad he was never my lab partner, which is just about the kindest thing I have ever said about Our Miss Brooks.

Bobo stares at his raw Swede data, but suddenly he spots an Asian!

Nationally, 50 percent of Asian-American adults have a college degree, compared with 31 percent of whites, 17 percent of African-Americans and 13 percent of Hispanics.

Asian-Americans have a life expectancy of 87 years compared with 79 years for whites and 73 years for African-Americans.

Now while I’m sure that all of Bobo’s regular readers finds the Mutual of Omaha’s actuarial tables fascinating, we still wonder what his point is, and why doesn’t Bobo return to the Swedes in Sweden to see what their education status is compared to an American Swede’s education. You know, Let A = A, which in this case might actually tell us something about the effects of policy on the same population.

But instead we get a bowlful of mixed nuts. Asians in New Jersey are contrasted with Native Americans in South Dakota. He mixes and stirs, adds a pinch of this and a soupçon of that, and in the end serves up a word salad that looks a lot like a steaming puddle of vomit on the sidewalk: you have no idea what is in it, but you know not to step in it.

But here is the essential thing to take away from Bobo’s column, disingenuous as it is: Bobo cannot show that the policy of the last thirty years — the policies that Bobo championed with his Party of Visigoths — has resulted in anything positive. From the moment that the senile, shoe-polish haired Saint Ronnie of the GOP stormed the gates with his army of mouth-breating morons, and began the raping and pillaging of the United States, all we have to show for it is an infrastructure that is crumbling, a vivisected middle class, an underclass filled with despair, a destroyed economic engine, and a failed education system. Oh, we also have for all intents and purposes a caste system with nobles at the top. Let’s not forget the real purpose and real results of thirty years of Saint Ronnie’s class warfare.

(The Limits of Policy by David Brooks)

CA students is 2 b more dumber

Posted by Tengrain Friday, April 9th, 2010

The Saint Ronnie Chronicles

SACRAMENTO, Calif.—California moved one step closer Thursday to establishing an annual day honoring Ronald Reagan, the former president, governor and actor.
The state Senate unanimously passed a bill designating Feb. 6 as Ronald Reagan Day. The measure encourages schools to spend the day commemorating Reagan’s life and accomplishments.

Jeebus!, I wonder if the curriculum will include that Ketchup is a vegetable?

What? The Twitter wasn’t good enough for her?

Posted by Tengrain Saturday, August 1st, 2009

mooselini-snears-surreal

Mooselini cancells her big trip to Ronnie Reagan’s grave via Facebook.

Sweet Jebus, that nutjob press secretary of hers, Meghan Staplebottom (close enough) uses the Facebook juice as her own personal PR Newswire.

Nielsen: Jackson beat Reagan!

Posted by Tengrain Thursday, July 9th, 2009

Woo-woo!

reagan-loony-fascist.PNG

More people watched Michael Jackson’s memorial (31 million viewers) than Ronnie’s memorial (20.8 million viewers)!

Not to worry GOP, I’m sure the number of people dancing on Ronnie’s grave will always be higher.

And in related Michael Jackson news…

The Michael Jackson dairy debate continues: The Iowa State Fair today announced that it will let the public vote on whether the recently deceased King of Pop will be part of its 2009 array of butter sculptures, alongside the iconic butter cow.

…because when I think of Michael Jackson, I think of delicious dairy products that melt in your mouth.

“Lunch was lovely, dear…”

Posted by Tengrain Saturday, June 6th, 2009


Official White House Photo by Samantha Appleton

“…May I have my skirt back, please?”

“OK Nancy…”

Posted by Tengrain Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009


Reuters

“…you can borrow my knee pads.”

The “Just Say No” Chronicles, cont.

Posted by Tengrain Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009


Getty Images

With a tug by Nancy Reagan on the blue shroud, a smiling Ronald Wilson Reagan was unveiled today in bronze under the United States Capitol Rotunda.

“Sweet Jebus,” Nancy did not murmur as she felt up Weepy, “you got no junk in the trunk. Outta my way, Orange-boy,” she did not add, “‘I’m going to hump the bronze.”