Mock, Paper, Scissors

“However, conservatism begins with facing facts.”

–George Will, the Living Museum of ’80s Power Ties, said apparently without irony.

…was noted volcano scholar and Kenneth-the-Page impersonator Governor Bobby Jindal.

“An’ now y’all kin ferget about mah performance in th’ rebuttal tha’ done sunk mah national aspirations, y’all,” Jindal did not say.

“All men are created equal, but white dudes are more equal.”

Here’s the full bit:

“If President Barack Obama wins, he will be the popular choice of Hispanics, African-Americans, single women and highly educated urban whites. That’s what the polling has consistently shown in the final days of the campaign. It looks more likely than not that he will lose independents, and it’s possible he will get a lower percentage of white voters than George W. Bush got of Hispanic voters in 2000.

“A broad mandate this is not.”

So, some votes are better than others, eh Politico?

(Politico)

The Death of the Media

The lazy media, is of course focusing on the foot-in-mouth syndrome, but so far has not responded to the the meat of the matter and disputed Willard’s comments. I just watched an NBC segment that went through the chronology of the tape and how it got released, but no one is disputing his bold-faced lie that half the country pays no taxes.

This is a place where the blogs excel. Think Progress (as almost always) goes on a deep dive and gives us charts and information that shows us what a naked lie Willard told.

If you want to see it broken-down, I suggest you go there. The long and short of it is that there are a lot of people who do not pay income taxes because their incomes are too low but they do have withholdings from paychecks even on low minimum wage earners.

Of course there are seniors living on Social Security; there are Military Personnel. But the big lie here is that people do not pay taxes: There are all sorts of other taxes: sales taxes, state and local taxes, library taxes. Everyone pays a tax in some form, including the GOP’s favorite punching bag, “illegal” immigrants.

So… in your travels today, if a Wingnuttian engages you on the 47% here is your information. Use it, but use it in a narrative sense. Ask if they paid sales tax on the coffee that they are enjoying. It might make them think.

I think that this is another dog whistle that the 1% blow for everyone that they consider beneath them.

(Think Progress)

Brisket^® is going to repeat her Dancing with the Stars role because, well, what else is that fame-whore oaf going to do?

Let’s hope she reprises her furry-endorsed Monkey Dance of Love.

The Death of the Media

This is our weekly PSA-type post, to help the citizens at large figure out who the heck are the swine and grifters making an appearance in your living rooms on Sunday. The crack research team at Mock, Paper, Scissors looks up the guests on all the shows and in italics annotates their credentials with the bits from their resumés that somehow never make it to the Tee Vee guide listing.

This week marks the return of Grandpa Walnuts to the TeeVee machine (missing in action last week, for unknown reasons) he is joined by the dim fruit of his loins, the curvey and delightful SoyBlo. As nepotism reign supreme, THE MOST IMPORTANT DEPUTY ASSISTANT SECRETARY OF STATE FOR NEAR EASTERN AFFAIRS IN OUR NATION’S HISTORY, MAYBE EVER Liz Cheney makes an appearance for unknown reasons.

This week marks the first time I was able to find anything snarky to say about the excellent Up With Chris Hayes‘ guests. I know that he runs a tight ship, and as he encourages having opposing viewpoints, it is perfectly fine that these people are on his show; however, why not state what their history includes rather than just having the polished points from the resume? That said, he gets bonus points for having my long-time hero Amy Goodman on his show. (Full disclosure: My quick and self-humiliating meeting with Amy Goodman is documented here.)

BONUS: If I had cable teevee, you could bet that I would probably watch Melissa Harris Perry. Dave Zirin is the god of sportswriting and the guests are unbelievable, even to a sports agnostic like me, this would be a fascinating show.

• Dancing with the Gregory: Special edition including reports and guests from Colorado; roundtable with:
  • New York Times columnist, serial liar and notable hippie-puncher David Brooks
  • Cursed Democratic strategist Bob Shrum whose clients have never once won a campaign
  • Republican strategist and original Mooselini fanboy Steve Schmidt
  • Union-hating, School Voucher-loving and failed former D.C. “Chancellor” for public education, StudentsFirst CEO Michelle Rhee
• This Week with a Greek Dwarf: Special edition featuring the latest developments in the mass shooting
• Martin van Buren Today:
  • Live reports from Aurora, Colorado
  • Serial sexual harasser with more money than God, party registration hopping opportunist Mayor Michael Bloomberg
  • Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu
  • Author and former Special Inspector General for TARP who left to spend more time with his family Neil Barofsky whose “office has charged a few dozen people with civil or criminal fraud, resulting in 14 convictions for fraud, more than $550 million in fraud losses avoided, and $150 million in fraudulent earnings recovered for taxpayers.” (“Bailout: An Inside Account of How Washington Abandoned Main Street while Rescuing Wall Street”)
• Faux News Sunday:
  • Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu;
  • Notable hawk and 1%-er Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA)
  • Intelligence Committee peer of Michele Bachmann Rep. Mike Rogers (R-MI);
  • Every bookie’s favorite bet to get it exactly wrong, The Weekly Standard’s Bloody Bill Kristol
  • former Sen. Evan Bayh (D-IN)
  • THE MOST IMPORTANT DEPUTY ASSISTANT SECRETARY OF STATE FOR NEAR EASTERN AFFAIRS IN OUR NATION’S HISTORY, MAYBE EVER Liz Cheney
  • Fox New’s favorite Dim apologist and punching bag, The Daily Beast’s Kirsten Powers
• State of the Union:
  • Highlights from Saturday’s U.S. Senate debate
  • Macaca! Former Sen. George Allen (R-VA)
  • Former Gov. Tim Kaine (D-VA)
  • Grandpa Walnuts (R-AZ)
• Fareed Zakaria GPS Live:
  • Current investment Banker for NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg, former investment banker at Lehman Brothers, Morgan Stanley, and Lazard Freres & Co., author and former Obama administration car czar Steven Rattner (“Overhaul: An Insider’s Account of the Obama Administration’s Emergency Rescue of the Auto Industry”);
  • War Criminal Henry Kissinger’s official biographer, Newsweek columnist and Harvard University’s Niall Ferguson;
  • former president of the Maldives Mohamed Nasheed;
  • author and neuroscientist Dr. V.S. Ramachandran (“The Tell-Tale Brain”)
• Sociopaths Today with Chris Matthews: Roundtable with:
  • The movie Broadcast News‘ inspiration Dan Rather
  • Dull as dirt wingnut and cancelled show host (see boring) Washington Post columnist Kathleen Parker
  • Ron Paul torturer, CNN’s Gloria Borger
  • Villager Royalty, Washington Post columnist David Ignatius
• Al Punto:
  • HeritageLibertad.org editor Israel Ortega
  • Brady Campaign spokesperson Dana Sanchez;
  • Primer Impacto and Univision news correspondent Ricardo Aram Barri
  • immigration lawyer John De Leon
  • Human Rights Watch: Americas Division director Jose Miguel Vivanco
  • actor Wilmer Valderrama
  • immigration lawyer Ezequiel Hernandez
  • PUBLICO’s Isabel Piquer
• Up with Chris Hayes:
  • Former Goldman Sachs partner and Clinton-era throwback CFTC Chairman Gary Gensler
  • farming advocate Bryn Bord
  • former Syrian Brigadier and current military advisor to Syrian rebel groups General Akil Hashem (Ret.)
  • NRO-online regular and Forbes contributor Josh Barro
  • Democracy Now host Amy Goodman
• Melissa Harris-Perry:
  • Chef Syrena Johnson
  • ESPN’s Jemele Hill
  • sports writer Dave Zirin
  • former Olympian swimmer Donna Devarona
  • model and activist Alex Wek
  • former Olympian John Carlos
  • New York University’s Michael Ralph
  • The Enough Project’s Mark Quarterman
• Inside Washington: Roundtable with:
  • Washington Post columnist Colbert King
  • NPR’s Nina Totenbag
  • Founder of He-said, She-said gossip rag, Politico’s Roger Simon
  • Neocon fanboy and syndicated columnist Charles Krauthammer
• Washington Watch with Roland Martin: re-broadcast of conversation on fatherless Black children with:
  • The Potter’s House (Dallas, TX) pastor Bishop T.D. Jakes (taped in Dallas)
• To the Contrary:
  • Probably doomed Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer
  • Our favorite booze heiress and functionally literate “author” Meghan McCain (SoyBlo)
  • Centrist Dim and friend of Arlen Specter, Women’s Campaign Forum’s Sam Bennett
  • National Council of Negro Women’s Avis Jones De-Weever
  • Republican commentator Mercedes Viana Schlapp
  • ConservativeBlackChick.com’s Crystal Wright
• Polioptics” with Josh King: Back from summer hiatus in the Catskills and Maine woods! With:
  • guest co-host, Matt Mackowiak, founder of Potomac Strategy Group

  .

  • Theo Lecompte, Chief Operating Officer of the Democratic National Convention, previews preparations

  .

  • Robert Merry, editor of The National Interest, reassembles the faces on Mount Rushmore as he takes leads a tour through his new book, “Where They Stand: The American Presidents in the Eyes of Voters and Historians.”

It’s our free and unfettered media, fellow citizens. Cherish it.

The Petunia and Pals show is going on the road to the conventions in Tampa and Charlotte. And they are also going to North Carolina.

When last we left infamous single mom and professional virgin Brisket^® Palin, she was doing her terrible and fearsome monkey-dance of love…

Oh, no, wait, that wasn’t it. It might have been the failed book tour, the chin implant, the mysterious house in the desert, perhaps shacking up with the new dude (“trial marriage”), the Hannity interview, the endless slamming of Levi, you know all the things that receptionists in Wasilla are noted for doing that the national press likes to cover.

Anyway, for some reason, Brisket^® has released a statement, following Obama saying that his daughters’ acceptance of friends with same-sex parents helped prompt his change in perspective:

“In this case, it would’ve been helpful for him to explain to Malia and Sasha that while her friends parents are no doubt lovely people, that’s not a reason to change thousands of years of thinking about marriage. Or that – as great as her friends may be – we know that in general kids do better growing up in a mother/father home. Ideally, fathers help shape their kids’ worldview.

“In this situation, it was the other way around. I guess we can be glad that Malia and Sasha aren’t younger, or perhaps today’s press conference might have been about appointing Dora the Explorer as Attorney General because of her success in stopping Swiper the Fox.

“Sometimes dads should lead their family in the right ways of thinking. In this case, it would’ve been nice if the President would’ve been an actual leader and helped shape their thoughts instead of merely reflecting what many teenagers think after one too many episodes of Glee.”

And so there you have it: Malia and Sasha Obama, who so far have not shamed their family in any way, need a father figure who will help them become better people, you know, like Taaaahd helped shape her to become the model of virtue that she is.

(Politico)

NBC’s “Meet the Press”: Vice President Joe Biden; roundtable with Sen. Kelly Ayotte (R-NH), Mesirow Financial chief economist Diane Swonk, NBC’s Chuck Todd and NBC’s Tom Brokaw

–ABC’s “This Week”: Obama campaign senior adviser David Axelrod; Sen. John McCain (R-AZ); roundtable with ABC News’ George Will, author and Romney campaign adviser Bay Buchanan (“Bay and Her Boys”), former Obama Council of Economic Advisers Chairman and the University of Chicago’s Austan Goolsbee, author and PBS’ Tavis Smiley (“The Rich and the Rest of Us”) and Fox News’ Greta Van Susteren

–CBS’s “Face the Nation”: Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich (R-GA); Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN); Sen. Charles Schumer (D-NY); former DNC Chairman and former Gov. Howard Dean (D-VT); roundtable with Wall Street Journal columnist Peggy Noonan, Washington Post columnist Michael Gerson, author and Mother Jones’ David Corn (“Showdown”) and CBS News’ John Dickerson; former Carter administration National Security Advisor Zbigniew Brzezinski

–”Fox News Sunday”: Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL); roundtable with the Weekly Standard’s Bill Kristol, the Hill’s A.B. Stoddard, former Bush administration State Department official Liz Cheney and Fox News’ Juan Williams; “Power Player of the Week” segment with “Jeopardy” host Alex Trebek

–CNN’s “State of the Union” (SUN 9am ET / 12pm ET): Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich (R-GA); Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) and Rep. Mike Rogers (R-MI); former Gov. Ted Strickland (D-OH) and former Rep. Tom Davis (R-VA); roundtable with former CBO Director Douglas Holtz-Eakin, former Clinton administration OMB Director Alice Rivlin and National Journal’s Major Garrett

–CNN’s “Fareed Zakaria GPS Live”: (SUN 10am ET / 1pm ET): TIME Magazine’s Rana Foroohar and Financial Times chief economics commentator Martin Wolf; former Bain & Company managing director Edward Conard; author Robert Caro (“The Years of Lyndon Johnson: The Passage of Power”)

–CNN’s “Reliable Sources”: (SUN 11am ET): Roundtable with Washington Post columnist Dana Milbank, author and Fox News contributor Jonah Goldberg (“Liberal Fascism”) and Thomson Reuters’ Chrystia Freeland; media panel with former NBC News correspondent Fred Francis and the University of Maryland’s Mark Feldstein; Columbia University’s Emily Bell;

–NBC’s “The Chris Matthews Show”: Roundtable with HD Net’s Dan Rather, BBC’s Katty Kay, TIME magazine’s Joe Klein and NBC News’ Kelly O’Donnell

–Univision’s “Al Punto” (SUN 10am ET): Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (R-FL) and Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-IL); Nieto campaign (PRI) deputy coordinator Congressman Jose Carlos Ramirez, Mota campaign (PAN) spokesperson Juan Marcos Gutierrez, Obrador (PRD) campaign manager Sen. Ricardo Monreal; Actualidad 1020′s Ricardo Brown, Grupo Reforma’s Rafael Mathus and “Vamos Unidos USA” president Juan Jose Gutierrez

–MSNBC’s “Up with Chris Hayes” (SUN 8-10am ET): Roundtable with Newsweek / Daily Beast’s David Frum, Occupy the Wall Street member and former Wall Street information technologist Alexis Goldstein, the New York Times’ Catherine Rampell

–MSNBC’s “Melissa Harris-Perry” (SUN 10am-12pm ET): Roundtable with American Ballet Theatre soloist Misty Copeland, violinist Kelly Hall-Tompkins, former Santorum campaign press secretary Alice Stewart, TheGrio.com’s Perry Bacon, author Daniel Gross (“Better, Stronger, Faster”), Good magazine’s Nona Willis Aronowitz and Annenberg Public Policy Center director Kathleeen Hall Jamieson

–ABC7′s “Inside Washington”: (SAT 7pm ET on NewsChannel 8 / SUN 9am ET on ABC7 WJLA): Roundtable with syndicated columnist Mark Shields, NPR’s Nina Tottenberg, co-author of Politico e-book “Inside the Circus” Evan Thomas and syndicated columnist Charles Krauthammer

–PBS’s “To the Contrary”: Roundtable with author and Romney campaign adviser Bay Buchanan (“Bay and Her Boys”), Global Summit of Women president Irene Natividad, conservative commentator Tara Setmayer and NOW Action’s Erin Matson

–TV One’s “Washington Watch with Roland Martin”: (SUN 9am ET): Labor Secretary Hilda Solis, Rep. Pete Olson (R-TX); Rep. Hank Johnson (D-GA); U.S. Army Major General John Hawkins III (Ret.); journalist / commentator panel with the National Action Network’s Janaye Ingram, Democratic strategist Cornell Belcher, author and syndicated columnist Sophia Nelson (“Black Woman Redefined”) and the Washington Post’s Michael Fletcher

–SiriusXM’s “Polioptics” with Adam Belmar and Josh King (SAT & SUN 12pm ET / 6 pm ET): An encore presentation of a conversation with Tony Blinken, National Security Advisor to Vice President Biden and one of those pictured in Pete Souza’s iconic photo as Navy SEALS were descending on Abbottabad, on the scene in the Situation Room when Osama bin Laden was taken out. And a conversation with broadcasting legend Sam Donaldson. On SiriusXM’s P.O.T.U.S. Ch. 124, also available for download on iTunes and at www.polioptics.com

It’s too hard to do the research needed for this week’s Mouse Circus while on the road with an iPad. That said, I see that Grandpa Walnuts has secured a berth on This Week with a Greek Dwarf, so you know, all is well with our free and unfettered press. Treasure it, fellow citizens.

Liz Cheney THE MOST IMPORTANT DEPUTY ASSISTANT SECRETARY OF STATE FOR NEAR EASTERN AFFAIRS In Our Nation’s History, Maybe Ever is now a contributor at Fox news. And who says that nepotism doesn’t pay?

We need Buffy.

(The Cutline)

Sweet baby Jeebus, she must have OD’d on Sara Lee or something to bring on this sort of fever dream:

Doesn’t she know that the official response is in the memory hole?

…SoyBlo Writes a Column.

This is really awful stuff. She was a journalism major, really? Anyway, I could bring out my red copy-editing pencil and work it over, but Gawker has done it for us. Honestly, it is much worse than what Gawker noted. There is not an original thought in the piece, and the rehashed thoughts are cliché-ridden: yeah, the Boomer screwed the Pooch, her put-upon generation will have to fix it, cynicism, despair; it’s SoyBlo’s Catcher in the Rye (Bud Lite in a can? Yes.) It’s all of her usual tropes in one dull and unedited package:

Friends of mine and friends of friends of mine are all essentially dealing with the same issues and fears no matter what their backgrounds or jobs; they are worried about what kind of future we are heading into and at the same time feeling lost about how we can band together to somehow prevent the asteroid of economic debt that seems to be headed straight for us.

Friends of friends of friends… essentially the same… The future we are heading into… the asteroid of economic debt. This is the stuff of an expensive Columbia education. And this is just one sentence. She has others.

The worst job in journalism must be being her editor. The thing that frosts my cookies is that SoyBlo, a zillionaire booze heiress is occupying a spot that a real writer with real talent like Lisa Golden should have.

Hey guys, remember that bad Ben Affleck movie? Nope? Oh, which one! Here, maybe this will help:

The WaPo tells us that the GOP used this scene–from a movie about a bank robbery–to fire up the GOP caucus to get them to rally around Weepy’s plan to destroy the economy. Of course, the Teabaggers won’t support his plan, and so he withdrew it, but whatevs.

But here’s the fun part: the WaPo being the WaPo didn’t quote the full dialog of the movie, so after watching the clip above, note what is missing:

House Majority Whip Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.), the party’s vote counter, began his talk by showing a clip from the movie, “The Town”, trying to forge a sense of unity among the independent-minded caucus.

One character asks his friend: “I need your help. I can’t tell you what it is. You can never ask me about it later.”

“Whose car are we gonna take,” the character says.

Hmmm, wasn’t there something about hurting some people?

Anyway, the Florida dim wit and noted wimmin-hater Allen West gives the clip a thumbs-up!

After showing the clip, Rep. Allen West (R-Fla.), one of the most outspoken critics of leadership among the 87 freshmen, stood up to speak, according to GOP aides.

“I’m ready to drive the car,” West replied, surprising many Republicans by giving his full -throated support for the plan.

And this is the modern GOP. Jeebus, we are so screwed if these drooling fuckknuckles get their greasy paws on the levers of government ever again.

(WaPo)

The Lost Centrist (dedicated to low-tech cyclist)

Oh History’s muse, note the Departed Broder
who leaves this world with uncertain odor…

A Village scribe, the Dean of such;
A ready voice who spewed much
Of the Conventional Wisdom of the place
And managed to put a reasonable face
On war lust, pillage, and economic devastation
and always always told the nation
that Bipartisanship was the only answer
and leftist hippies a fearful cancer
to be shunned by all the Serious People…

And in his view, always equal
were the Jim Demints and the John Kerrys,
the sort of view that always buries
Bernie Sanders, or Alan Grayson;
selling Bohner and Pence as good for the nation;
Treat them as statesmen, and put a face
of Reason on Karl Rove, Ace
Of Ratfuckers…And server of quail;
Such delights made Dean Broder fail
To note Rove’s mendacity and deception.
Always ready for the Embassy reception,
Consumer of Cocktail weenies, Imbiber
of Convention Wisdom, for the WaPo subscriber.

Bury his Pulitzer with his reputation,
Find new ‘real Americans’ to display to the nation
Give his seat at Washington Week
To some Centrist Republican media freak
Like Brooks, and try to forget
the sponge-like columns that would regret
any Progressive show of strength or rightness;
the worship of power cloaked in Politeness:
Messages from Broderland, where Gingrich is smart,
Hillary shrill, and the whole art
of the columnist is saying both sides are the same
And never, never let on that the game
Of equivalence is false, and that Reality
Biased: and never never admit his fealty
to Movement conservatism and the mainstreaming
of Rightist talking points, and that seeming
centrism is just Establishment agitprop;
Feed the Powerful praise, and the Readers slop.

Goodbye, Dean, we bury you and hope to bury the Consensus
with you, and the Nation return to it’s senses…

–Scissorhead Mr. Bill, via email

Gawker

…gives himself a reach-around at Madame Tussauds. Now THAT is narcissism.