Mock, Paper, Scissors

The National Review Online’s (The most intellectually dishonest rest stop on the information highway) Jim Geraghty says that the Newtown families are political pawns just like the 9-11 widows.

You know, Jim, this is exactly what a democracy is about: these citizens are trying to make a difference, to change things that they experienced first hand. They are trying to make the world a better place and to ensure that what they suffered through, no one else should suffer through. And yes, they have an agenda, as do you, Jim. The difference is that their agenda is towards saving people and yours is towards saving gun manufacturers bottom line.

Wingnuttia is letting the spiders crawl out of the brainpans of their Orcs and up to the mics of all their media outlets. Anyway, nice way to insult two groups of people who have been publicly shattered by events beyond their control.

Westboro Baptist Church plans to protest the funerals of the people killed in Boston. Because, you know, “fag marriage:”

“The federal government is classifying the bombs as a terrorist attack, but say it’s unclear if it’s of a domestic or foreign nature,” the release said. “Here’s a hint — GOD SENT THE BOMBS! How many more terrifying ways will you have the LORD injure and kill your fellow countrymen because you insist on nation-dooming filthy fag marriage?!”

(Raw Story)

I’ve been in meetings all day and only just now heard about what happened today in Boston. I don’t have words to express how sad it makes me to immediately think about the Atlanta Games a few years back when a domestic terrorist did something similar. I hope that I’m wrong, but I suspect that I’m right. It is, afterall, Tax Day.

I hope all Scissorheads are present and accounted for. My thoughts and prayers goes out to all the people in Boston tonight.

Think Progress has some exceptional live blogging on this topic, it is worth checking out.

“MSNBC’s Martin Bashir suggested that Republican senators need to have a member of their families killed for them to support the Democrats’ gun proposals. Let’s start with Meghan McCain!”

–Ann Coulter, She-wolf of the Nazis

Everyone, man the ramparts! We must defend our favorite GOPer, SoyBlo.

(TownHall)

Frozen teevee dinner heir and vanity publishing impresario Tucker Carlson says that immigrants are welfare-addicted gang-bangers who harm american workers.

Why do the Duggar’s continue to inflict their DNA onto us? Might as well ask why the sky is blue or Boehner is orange:

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar’s eldest son, Josh, 25, announced Monday morning on the “Today” show that he’s expecting his third child with wife, Anna, 24.

[snip]

In typical Duggar fashion, Anna’s road to pregnancy likely will be documented on their hit TLC show. In fact, the adorable mom took a pregnancy test during the Duggar family’s trip to Asia to shoot their reality special, “19 Kids and Counting: Duggars Do Asia” (premiering Tuesday at 9 p.m. ET on TLC). Much to her disappointment, the test came back negative. However, a few short weeks later, the happy news was confirmed.

[snip]

Like Josh’s parents, Jim Bob, 47, and Michelle, 46, who named all their kids using the letter “J,” Josh and Anna may be planning to do the same with the letter, “M.” For now, they’re keeping details like the name and the gender of the child private.

Uh-huh. Private for now, but before too long they will have her up in the stirrups and selling peeks for $5 a shot.

(Yahoo)

…Earl Schieb will perform any surgery for $99.99?

“This is a huge moral question for the country, because I agree with George, that right now, most Americans do not see price in deciding whether to use health care. You see price in toasters, you see price in cars and homes, everything else. In health care, you don’t see price. And therefore, I have to believe, and I think your piece eluded to this, that when people go on Medicare, they really don’t see price, they tend to consume more than they otherwise would.”

“26 percent of all Medicare spending is last year of life. We don’t know how much of that is really efficacious spending. These are really tough moral questions for the country. But we’re going to have to deal with them if we’re really going to get health care under control.”

Because, you know, you’re dying, so why not shop around for a better deal?

What an assrocket.

(ABC News)

So, Grandpa Walnuts after saying he would support Chuck Hagel instead supported the filibuster? Why?

“But to be honest with you, Neil, it goes back to there’s a lot of ill will towards Senator Hagel because when he was a Republican, he attacked President Bush mercilessly and say he was the worst President since Herbert Hoover and said the surge was the worst blunder since the Vietnam War, which was nonsense. “

…because he was mean to Chimpy and Walnut’s had his fee-fees hurt when Hagel was mean about his f***ing precious Surge. The End.

Famous Reagan-era UN diplomat and former Assistant Secretary of State for International Organizations who ran as a candidate in three Republican Party presidential primaries, Alan Keyes is in the news again for saying something stupid about the possibility that the Boy Scouts might stop discriminating against gay kids.

‘The Boy Scouts of America may imminently abandon the organization’s commitment to true Christian morals, allowing homosexuals into the ranks and leadership of its troops,’ Keyes wrote.

‘All Christian churches should immediately and spontaneously withdraw from their cooperation with the BSA’s corporate entity which would, from that point on, be usurping the name and reputation of the Scouting movement. The thunderous impression of their withdrawal would alert and warn all believers of the pitfall any association with the usurpers must henceforward entail.’

‘It will speedily become evident that what masquerades as tolerance is actually indoctrination, seeking to mould boys according to the standard the BSA trustees will have raised above God’s standard.’

‘On many campuses now, refusal to experiment with homosexuality is frowned upon as a sign of bigotry, so henceforth in Scouting braking down this prejudice would be recognized as a meritorious activity,’ Keyes claimed.

‘Though camouflaged in different words there will be a merit badge for this experimentation as part of the regime of homosexual indoctrination.’

Yes, you read that right: Merit Badges for gay sex. I suppose it will even out the program with the Knot Tying Merit Badge for bondage, though. And let’s forget the Animal Husbandry one entirely. This is, after all, a family blog.

(Gay Star News)

–Todd Kincannon Former South Carolina GOP executive director

Wonkette has more on Todd McKinnon, probably more than you wanted to see.

“Temperatures in the contiguous United States last year were the hottest in more than a century of record-keeping, shattering the mark set in 1998 by a wide margin, the federal government announced Tuesday.”

(WaPo)

And let’s see: Australia had to add a new color to the temperature map because it is over-the-top 52 degrees Celsius (which works out to 126 degrees Fahrenheit, roughly), super storms, century flooding now regularly occurs in the midwest and draught, and people are keeling over dead in India from exposure to the extreme cold.

So of course, Wingnuttia is holding onto that last piece to say that “See? It’s not heating up!”. The terrible person known as the Gateway Pundit is even claiming that this is proof of a mini-ice age. So take THAT, Al Gore!

(No links, I’m not into enabling the mouth-breathing paste eaters.)

The NRA managed to clean the foam off of Wayne LaPierre’s mouth and trot him out on the Friday before Christmas to tell us:

“There exists in this country a callous, corrupt and corrupting shadow industry that sells, and sows, violence against its own people.”

Can it be that the NRA has actually done some reflection and realized what an awful group of people that they are? Well, sadly, no.

LaPierre was telling us that the entertainment industry is actually the one to blame, though I don’t recall anyone holding up a 7-11 store with a DVD of Good Fellas, but I could be wrong. My video game history stopped somewhere around Super Mario, and I don’t recall that being the key to a bloody crime wave, either. Music videos? Don’t get me started on what happened to the Em in MTV.

“I call on Congress today to act immediately, to appropriate whatever is necessary to put armed police officers in every school—and to do it now, to make sure that blanket of safety is in place when our children return to school in January.”

So for the NRA that idea is win-win: more gun sales and steal public money from schools. Now, I might be wrong about this, but it seems to me that there were on-duty police at Virginia Tech when someone who was known to be nuts legally bought guns and ammo and went on a killing spree. I believe that there might have been guards at Columbine Highschool, but my memory on that day is fuzzy lo these many years and deaths later.

But the larger point here is that the NRA wants to see armed guards in public places protecting so-called innocent civilians until such a time as those toddlers are old enough to squeeze off a round or two themselves. I might mention to Mr. LaPierre that outside of those video games he is blaming, I cannot think of a single time an armed citizen has brought down a mass killer.

“The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.”

No, actually the best idea is for there to be no bad guys with guns, Wayne, but that might hurt sales.

UPDATE: while Wayne LaPierre was bleating and dithering another massacre occured.

Keep f***ing that chicken, Wayne.

Charlotte Allen, the low-rent Phyllis Schlafly at the NRO (the most intellectually dishonest rest-stop on the Information Super Highway), says that the lack of men at the Sandy Hook Elementary School was really the problem. Damn feminists, it’s their fault:

“There was not a single adult male on the school premises when the shooting occurred. In this school of 450 students, a sizeable [sic] number of whom were undoubtedly 11- and 12-year-old boys (it was a K–6 school) [K–4 -- TG], all the personnel — the teachers, the principal, the assistant principal, the school psychologist, the “reading specialist” — were female. There didn’t even seem to be a male janitor [not true --TG] to heave his bucket at Adam Lanza’s knees.”

Aside from throwing a bucket at the knees of a gunman armed with high-powered guns with enormous bullet clips, what else have ya got for us, Charlotte?

“Women and small children are sitting ducks for mass-murderers. The principal, Dawn Hochsprung, seemed to have performed bravely. According to reports, she activated the school’s public-address system and also lunged at Lanza, before he shot her to death. Some of the teachers managed to save all or some of their charges by rushing them into closets or bathrooms. But in general, a feminized setting is a setting in which helpless passivity is the norm.”

Dawn Hochsprung seemed to have performed bravely? Most men I know would not have had the presence of mind, let alone the (lady) balls of Hochsprung. Rushing the kids into locations like closets and bathrooms seems to have helped all but 20 of the kids, which in itself is as close to a miracle as we seem to get most days.

“Male aggression can be a good thing, as in protecting the weak — but it has been forced out of the culture of elementary schools and the education schools that train their personnel. Think of what Sandy Hook might have been like if a couple of male teachers who had played high-school football, or even some of the huskier 12-year-old boys, had converged on Lanza.”

Protecting the weak. Jeebus, are you really saying that ladies should be ladies and let a man do the protecting? Also/too: aside from there not being any husky 12-year old boys (K–4, remember), don’t boys count as children to be protected, too? Isn’t this some sort of Megan McCardle twattle?

But then, our pal Charlotte moves onto her next topic in her thesis: the coddling of men. I guess it is not enough to want menfolk to protect the wimmins, but you need to keep those boys rugged or something. Anyway, take it away Charlotte:

“Parents of sick children need to be realistic about them. I know at least two sets of fine and devoted parents who have had the misfortune to raise sons who were troubled for genetic reasons beyond anyone’s control. Either of those boys could have been an Adam Lanza.“

But they aren’t, Charlotte, but they aren’t. I’m not sure what Charlotte means that they were troubled for genetic reasons; is that a dog whistle for something else? I can interpret that as schizophrenia, being gay, being mixed race? What does it mean, Charlotte, what does it mean?

“You simply can’t give a non-working, non-school-enrolled 20-year-old man free range of your home, much less your cache of weapons. You have to set boundaries. You have to say, “You can’t live here anymore — you’re an adult, and it’s time for you to be a man. We’ll give you all the support you need, but we won’t be enablers.”

Oh, so what she’s saying is, tough love, and now you are society’s problem? “You genetically troubled kid, out of the house with you! I’m done! And keep away from my Uzi, too.”

Unfortunately, the idea of being an “adult” and a “man” once one has reached physical maturity seems to have faded out of our coddling culture.

OK, so in short, from Charlotte’s confused mind: Women are weak (except for unarmed Dawn Hochsprung, who sprang like a coiled tiger on the armed gunman), men are coddled, but women need them anyway to take down killers. Everyone know your gender-role behavior now? Good.

It doesn’t surprise me that some wingnut wrote this, what does surprise me is that anyone would publish it, but then again, it is on the NRO (the most intellectually dishonest rest-stop on the Information Super Highway).

Our favorite nut has still not conceded the race, however there is an interesting development:

“I would be glad to have him come back to Georgia and at some point run here,” Sue Everhart, chairman of the Georgia Republican party told my AJC colleague Daniel Malloy during a discussion about diversity within the Republican party. “I would certainly try to help him because he has done his job. The way he ran his race didn’t in any way interfere with the job he did. He ran as a Republican, a conservative Republican.”

More at Political Insider.

“The only difference between the Klan and Planned Parenthood is that Planned Parenthood’s a lot slicker, a lot more polished. They’ve got a very Madison Avenue-type approach to their eugenics, but the goal is the same. The Ku Klux Klan could never have dreamed of having the success that Planned Parenthood’s having, and on top of that getting a million dollars a day in federal tax dollars.”

–Mark Crutcher, white dude of Xristian Xrazie organization Life Dynamics

(One News Now)

“Can you imagine in the middle of a disaster to ask for appropriations for mitigating future disasters? That’s why I said no on that second round of appropriations for Katrina…because they spent it on Gucci bags and massage parlors and everything you can think of — in addition to what was necessary.”

–Rep. Steven King (R-Jeebusland) explaining why he wants a detailed plan for Sandy disaster relief, because you know, the Blahs following Katrina was wasted money…

You know, because a real world-class leader would go have birfday cake with Grandpa Walnuts, just like Chimpy did during Katrina, eh E²?

Nice cheap shot though. Did you score points with your fellow mouth-breathers for mocking a dead american hero, you child-molesting goat-f***er.

now that the fun and games and rants to empty chairs are done, time for the entire GOP family to get to work

“Had someone been prepared and armed they could have stopped this ‘bad’ man from most of this tragedy. All that was needed is one Courages/Brave man prepared mentally or otherwise to stop this it could have been done.”

–former Arizona state senator Russell Pearce’s statement on the Aurora massacre over the weekend

Which I guess is his way of blaming the victims for not packing heat.

ECONOMISTS: U.S. POVERTY ON TRACK TO HIT HIGHEST LEVEL SINCE 1960S

It’s like that whole War on Poverty thing never happened. Thanks GOP, you guys are swell.

According to economists and other experts surveyed by the Associated Press, the U.S. poverty rate is on track to hit its highest level since the 1960s. The consensus among those surveyed is that “the official poverty rate will rise from 15.1 percent in 2010, climbing as high as 15.7 percent.” Just a 0.1 percent increase would put the poverty rate at its highest since 1965.

We should note, for the record, that this also includes the fraying social safety nets.

(Think Progress)

“People now don’t die from prostate cancer, breast cancer and some of the other things.”

–Congressional Candidate NY-27 Chris Collins (R – of course)

Tell that to the 30,000 or so men who die from prostate cancer, and the 40,000 or so women who die from breast cancer each year. Assrocket.

More dissembling from our free an unfettered press, fellow citizens. I gave up annotating around Washington Watch with Roland Martin, so you are on your own. –Tengrain

• Dancing with the Gregory: Sen. Marco Rubio (Liar-FL); Rep. Darrell Issa (Car Thief-CA); roundtable with Issa, former Gov. Bill Richardson (Space Tourism-NM), political gossip rag Jonathan Martin and NBC News’ Mrs. Allen Greenspan
• This Week with a Greek Dwarf: Rep. Darrell Issa (Acquitted-Ca); roundtable with ABC News’ Living Museum of ’80s Power Bow Ties George Will, Rep. Xavier Becerra (D-CA), National Journal’s Totem Pole with termites Major Garrett, Wall Street Journal columnist and notable barfly Peggy Noonan and loathsome former BP and RIAA Lobbyist Democratic strategist Hilary Rosen
• View the Wreckage: Immigration and campaign roundtable with Secessionist Theocrat nitwit Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX), Democratic National Convention Chairman Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa (D-Los Angeles) and Romney campaign surrogate and paint drying aficionado former Gov. Tim Pawlenty (R-MN); Obama reelection campaign deputy campaign manager and scowling fiend Stephanie Cutter and Romney campaign senior adviser in existential denial Eric Anything for a Buck Fehrnstrom; political roundtable with smug villagers Dan Balz, Joe Klein, John Dickerson and Norah O’Donnell
• Faux News Sunday: Rep. Darrell Issa (Never Convicted-CA) and Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-MD); reprehensible BP Capital Chairman and CEO and trojan horse expert T. Boone Pickens; roundtable with Fox News’ living dead Brit Hume, The Daily Beast and Hannity’s frequent guest host Kirsten Powers, former McCain-Palin campaign senior adviser and Chimpy’s first term Minister of Propaganda Nicolle Wallace and the New York Times’ Jeff Zeleny
• State of the Union: Romney campaign senior adviser Ed “the color of money” Gillespie; former Bush administration Commerce Secretary Carlos Damned-to-Eternal-Hell Gutierrez and Chicago insider Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-IL)
• Fareed Zakaria GPS Live: (SUN 10am ET / 1pm ET): Mayor Michael Centrist BS Bloomberg (I-New York City); President of Estonia Toomas Hendrik; New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof
• Reliable Sources: (SUN 11am ET): Political roundtable with The New Yorker’s Ryan “Leading from Behind” Lizza, GLenn Beck TV’s Amy Holmes and Washington Post columnist Dana “The Dick Whisperer” Milbank; media roundtable with The Huffington Post’s (unpaid?) teevee critic Maureen Ryan, the Baltimore Sun’s teevee critic David Zurawik and Xfinity’s movie critic Adam Buckman
• On the Couch with Tweetie Show: Roundtable with author and the Washington Post’s David Maraniss (“Barack Obama: The Story”), NBC News’ Kelly Note-related-to-Lawrence O’Donnell, Newsweek refugee and the Huffington Post’s Howard Fineman and the Christian Science Monitor’s Liz Marlantes
• Al Punto: (SUN 10am ET): Sen. Marco Rubio (Liar-FL), NALEO executive director Arturo Vargas, Univision legal analyst Cristina Pereya
• Up with Chris Hayes: (SUN 8-10am ET): Egyptian-American journalist Mona Eltahawy; roundtable with the New America Foundation Middle East Task Force Leila Hilal, former Condi Rice speechwriter Elise Jordan, Newsweek / The Daily Beast’s Michelle Goldberg and “The Majority Report” host and “Ring of Fire” co-host Sam Seder
• Melissa Harris-Perry: Roundtable with American Progress LGBT Policy and Racial Justice advisor Aisha Moodie-Mills, NYU School of Law’s Kenji Yoshino, Yahoo News’ David Chalian, New York Women’s Foundation President and CEO Ana Oliveira and Politic365.com’s and MSNBC contributor Jeff Johnson
• Inside Washington: Roundtable with Washington Post spring chicken columnist Colbert King, Nice Polite Republicans Nina Totebag, Notable flee-er Washington Post > Newsweek >Daily Beast > Politico’s Lois Romano and syndicated columnist and noted fascist Charles Krauthammer
• To the Contrary: Big Dawg’s Former U.S. Ambassador to Switzerland (and Lichtenstein) and former Gov. Madeleine Kunin (D-VT); roundtable with the Heritage Foundation’s self-hating woman Jennifer Marshall, the Heritage Foundation’s self-hating woman Christine Kim, conservative commentator and self-hating woman Darlene Kennedy, reprehensible BP and RIAA lobbyist Democratic strategist Hilary Rosen and Voto Latino’s Maria Teresa Kumar
• Washington Watch with Roland Martin: President-elect of the Southern Baptist Convention Rev. Fred Luter, Jr.; actress and activist Jada Pickett Smith; actor and long in the tooth rapper Ice T; National Medical Association chairman Dr. Cedric Bright; journalist / commentator panel with State Sen. Vincent Hughes (D-PA), author and Loop21.com’s Keli Goff (“The GQ Candidate”), the Washington Times’ Deborah Simmons and the Washington Post’s Michael Fletcher
• Polioptics with Josh King: Brian Stelter, TV reporter for the New York Times, on reports of Ann Curry’s presumed departure from the TODAY Show as the days count down to the Olympic Games in London. Jamie Rubin, former State Department spokesman, walks listeners through today’s global hot spots and how the immediacy of Twitter makes talking for the country tougher than ever. And Jonthan Prince, Democratic strategist and former top aide to John Edwards, reflects on the trial of the former presidential candidate now that the Justice Department says it won’t retry the case against him. On SiriusXM’s P.O.T.U.S. Ch. 124, also available for download on iTunes and at http://www.polioptics.com

Ah, Rick Warren, the corpulent Christ-Molester has told the employees of his Saddleback Church, Inc., that they are not allowed to use the Twitters if they follow any atheists:

Some of you (and some of our church accounts -like our 12 cities accounts) are following people on Twitter that you should NOT be following.

I frequently notice that often atheists, critics of saddleback, and mean-spirited or vulgar accounts often have dozens of staff or Saddleback accounts following them! This is true even when these people only have a very few follower. Because of automatic adds, we often make up the majority of followers of these mean-spirited Christian or anti-Christian folks!

Ever wonder if he is stalking his employees?

You shouldn’t. He is.

(The Friendly Atheist)

One of our on-the-ground in Wisconsin operatives, Scissorhead Zombie Rotten McDonald says:

by the exit polls, somewhere around 60% of the voters in Wisconsin felt that the recall was inappropriate, and should be reserved, at the least, for criminal misbehavior. That’s pretty much the story; less than support for Turdwaffle, it was antipathy toward a recall.

Of course, there are a fair number of people who support Turdie’s efforts to kill the middle class, demonize public workers, and sell of the natural splendor of Wisconsin to pillagers and plunderers. Apparently, the solution to stagnant wages and non-existent economic demand is to slap around schoolteachers and take their lunch money, to give it to the insanely wealthy. Oh, and fracking, not to mention polluting groundwater, which is FREEDOM.

However, given the state of the John Doe investigation, there is a good possibility that the people who feel that recall should be limited to criminal acts will see Turdwaffle reach that threshold. Of course, before that, he will make his play to change Wisconsin electoral law to allow felons to serve as Governor.

ZRM raises an interesting point about the 60% — it is also the same number as those who intend to re-elect President Obama according to the exit polls. This election is a single data point from a single state at a single point in time. I would caution anyone from extrapolating a national trend.

Here in Cali, when we had our own successful recall against a sitting governor (Gray Davis, who was no crook, unless being boring and being easily snookered is a crime) and installed the movie-star buffoon Ahhhhhhnold, I remember my reaction was to vote against the recall, not to vote in favor of Davis. The recall was so manufactured (as was the Enron Crisis as was the car registration tax issue that was used to justify it) that at the end, when Darryl Issa (yes, THAT Darryl Issa) complained that because he actually paid for the recall, he should be governor.

Anyway, I think ZRM’s comment reeks of the truth.

Also/too: My snark against President Carebear still stands. His absolute tepid, single-tweet support of Mr. Barrett was too little and way too late to make any difference. Would it have made a difference if it was full-throated howl? Probably not, except to the bone-tired volunteers who are the ones that Obama really will need in the fall. Good luck with that. I don’t think I would volunteer to help again if I were them.

Obama’s weak tea tweet reminds me of the worst of the Bill Clinton political calculation of the 1990s and beyond. Dr. Dean’s 50-state strategy was so completely dismantled by the Obama team when they came into power that the 2010 and now this election show that the Dims are back to Rahm Emmanuel’s old stratagem of giving up on the small races and only funding the sure bets. It is a plan for failure as I think last night showed us again.

Lastly: Citizens United. I don’t think that there is any doubt that we need to have a Constitutional Amendment to decree that corporations are not people, and money is not free speech. I also think we should have unicorns, but I digress. There is no doubt in my mind that this debacle shows what the influence of corporate America feeling free to buy an election means. Before Citizens United, I advocated that we needed Media Reform before we needed Campaign Finance Reform (on the theory that if getting the message out was free, then the big buckets of money would not be needed), but this election changed my perspective when I could see clearly what happens when unfettered money can pour into a campaign. Welcome to Robber Barons II.

According to Talking Points Memo, The Willard Mechanism is starting the process in earnest, which only means that it is time to republish our research paper on the Veeps, you know, to help him out.

Many thanks to unindicted co-conspirators GRS and Axel Grease.

	Candidate	Pro	Con	Handicap
Minnesota Member of Congress Michele Bachmann		There would never be a dull moment as Bachmann-the-Nut makes up her own version os US History and talks to her invisible friends, adjusting her tinfoil hat and hiding behind plants..	Bat-shit insane. Says God wanted her to run.	Husband Marcus makes GOP men tighten their sphincters.
Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour		He looks like Boss Hogg, sounds like Boss Hogg, acts like Boss Hogg. Dukes of Hazzard revival eminent if he is selected.	Boss Hogg might be a racist southerner, or might be a GOPer.	Madam Hogg didn’t want him to run for preznint, and withheld sex until she got her way. Ewww, gross.
Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush		The Bush Crime Family dynasty continues!	Chimpy.	His appalling family.
Fast Food Former CEO, Herman Cain		Wants to run government like a business. “Doesn’t matter if it is a pizza, or a burger, or the White House: a problem, is a problem, is a problem.”	“9-9-9!” CainBlack Walnut claims that President Obama has brainwashed black americans, except for himself, that is.	Noted as one of the primary saboteurs of Clinton’s Healthcare Plan, Black Walnut ran for Senate in Georgia not knowing that he was black, and lost.
Majority Leader Eric Cantor		Southern and Jewish, will be interesting to watch wingnuttia’s heads explode	Eric Cantor is the closest thing to an Iago in American Politics.	No one trusts him.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie		Hates unions and gay marriage, former lobbyist, will solve budget by asking billionaires to “write a check”	Hates partisan attacks except when he threatens to go “Jersey Style” on his own party.	Loves Muslims so much that he lets them live in his state, even nominating one of them to be a judge!
Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels		Smartest man in the room, but not in a Newticles way.	His wife keeps leaving him for other men.	Daniels was Chimpy’s budget director.
Former Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich		Two words: Moon Colony.	Often contradicts himself, even in the same sentence. A complete sociopath, there is no lie too small to tell to David Gregory, who will will nod his head in agreement.	Staff-banging serial adulterer married his third wife and former mistress, Callista, who could suck rocks through a garden hose.
South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley		Would help with Willard’s women problem.	Keeps telling women that there is no war on women and that they really want to be soccer moms, so shut up about birth control.	South Carolina Governors get lost on the appalachian trail, so to speak.
Former Arkansas Governor, Mike Huckabee		Knows a secret way to cook up squirrels in the popcorn popper. Is married to notable fashion plate, the Gomerette.	Kids pack heat, and have problems with bringing guns on planes. Al Qada? Another GOPer who thinks that God talks to him (Is mental illness catching? Yes.)	Gomer is the darling of the Xristian Xrazies, and would never play second fiddle to a Mormon.
Former Utah Governor, Jon Huntsman)		Billionaire REO Speedwagon fanboy.	Former ambassador to Communist China for the Kenyan Usurper Hawaiian Devil Baby President Obama.	He and Willard hate each other; cousin rivalry.
Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal		Hates science and earmarks, unless he can perform an exorcism on them first.	Impossible for him to look and sound anymore like Kenneth from 30 Rock.	Penned “Beating a Demon.” Potentially a metaphor or a lifted title from a Lynne Cheney erotic novella.
Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell		Looks straight out of Central Aryan Casting. High brow snob as he has 4 degrees – from Notre Dame, Boston University and TWO from Regents. Interned with the man the French cannot get enough of – Jerry Lewis (R-CA). Reinstated Confederate History Month – ignoring the fact that slavery was even part of the Civil War. Wanted to put a toll booth up on the North Carolina border.	Wrote law to force women to have a probe shoved up their lady parts without their permission and for no medical reason before terminating a pregnancy. Conveniently denied having anything to do with that law when he realized it might hurt his chances at the Sarah Palin Memorial Award for the most evil and uncaring Vice Presidential candidate.	Looks eerily like Dan Quayle.
Former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin		Part-time Governor and full-time Grifter, Mooselini has entered more words into the dictionary than most people alive.	Taaahd.	She likes to put bullseye targets on political enemies, which includes most of the US.
Ron Paul (R- Texas)		Denies his own newsletters; invokes applause at poor people dying. Market solutions!	Ron is a Texan.	Senator Rand Paul is his son.
Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty		Mr. Excitement, Tea-Paw makes Willard 2.0 almost seem alive.	Hired drunks from Alabama to do breaking and entering/outreach in Iowa.	Only GOPer in history to run for Preznint and get turned down by Fox News for a show.
Texas Governor Rick Perry		Expert user of back-pain medicines, might be willing to share.	Secessionist theocrat, Gov. Goodhair’s family compound is known as Niggerhead.	Confused by geography, economy, political science, words with syllables.
Former Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice		Allegedly a woman, Rice might help with Willard’s gender problem.	Firmly associated with Chimpy.	Would interfer with her shoe shopping hobby.
Senator Mark Rubio		Rubio might help with GOP’s out reach to minorities.	After endorsing Willard 2.0, he immediately said he wished someone else was running.	Notorious liar about his family history, especially fleeing from Cuba.
Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum		His Google Problem.	Alerted horn-dog Senator John Ensign that he was about to be outed by the cuckolded husband of his mistress.	Brought home aborted baby Gabriel and posed for pictures with it, made children say hello to it.

“Someone took charge of a cover-up, which we were victim to and I regret. I also have to say that I failed … and I am very sorry for it.”

–Rupert Murdoch

“Karen and I are life members of the NRA and we wanted to announce today that I talked to Chris and now Bella is a life member of the NRA too. And I hope it’s a long life.”

–Frothy

Bella is Frothy’s 3-year old daughter, the one whom he uses as an anti-abortion cudgel.

PS – BuzzFeed has the video.

The crack research team at Mock, Paper, Scissors has done it again! We spent literally moments putting together our handy-dandy cut-out-and-keep guide to the GOP Vice Preznint 2012 Goat Rodeo!

Many thanks to unindicted co-conspirators GRS and Axel Grease.

	Candidate	Pro	Con	Handicap
Minnesota Member of Congress Michele Bachmann		There would never be a dull moment as Bachmann-the-Nut makes up her own version os US History and talks to her invisible friends, adjusting her tinfoil hat and hiding behind plants..	Bat-shit insane. Says God wanted her to run.	Husband Marcus makes GOP men tighten their sphincters.
Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour		He looks like Boss Hogg, sounds like Boss Hogg, acts like Boss Hogg. Dukes of Hazzard revival eminent if he is selected.	Boss Hogg might be a racist southerner, or might be a GOPer.	Madam Hogg didn’t want him to run for preznint, and withheld sex until she got her way. Ewww, gross.
Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush		The Bush Crime Family dynasty continues!	Chimpy.	His appalling family.
Fast Food Former CEO, Herman Cain		Wants to run government like a business. “Doesn’t matter if it is a pizza, or a burger, or the White House: a problem, is a problem, is a problem.”	“9-9-9!” CainBlack Walnut claims that President Obama has brainwashed black americans, except for himself, that is.	Noted as one of the primary saboteurs of Clinton’s Healthcare Plan, Black Walnut ran for Senate in Georgia not knowing that he was black, and lost.
Majority Leader Eric Cantor		Southern and Jewish, will be interesting to watch wingnuttia’s heads explode	Eric Cantor is the closest thing to an Iago in American Politics.	No one trusts him.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie		Hates unions and gay marriage, former lobbyist, will solve budget by asking billionaires to “write a check”	Hates partisan attacks except when he threatens to go “Jersey Style” on his own party.	Loves Muslims so much that he lets them live in his state, even nominating one of them to be a judge!
Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels		Smartest man in the room, but not in a Newticles way.	His wife keeps leaving him for other men.	Daniels was Chimpy’s budget director.
Former Speaker of the House, Newt Gingrich		Two words: Moon Colony.	Often contradicts himself, even in the same sentence. A complete sociopath, there is no lie too small to tell to David Gregory, who will will nod his head in agreement.	Staff-banging serial adulterer married his third wife and former mistress, Callista, who could suck rocks through a garden hose.
South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley		Would help with Willard’s women problem.	Keeps telling women that there is no war on women and that they really want to be soccer moms, so shut up about birth control.	South Carolina Governors get lost on the appalachian trail, so to speak.
Former Arkansas Governor, Mike Huckabee		Knows a secret way to cook up squirrels in the popcorn popper. Is married to notable fashion plate, the Gomerette.	Kids pack heat, and have problems with bringing guns on planes. Al Qada? Another GOPer who thinks that God talks to him (Is mental illness catching? Yes.)	Gomer is the darling of the Xristian Xrazies, and would never play second fiddle to a Mormon.
Former Utah Governor, Jon Huntsman)		Billionaire REO Speedwagon fanboy.	Former ambassador to Communist China for the Kenyan Usurper Hawaiian Devil Baby President Obama.	He and Willard hate each other; cousin rivalry.
Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal		Hates science and earmarks, unless he can perform an exorcism on them first.	Impossible for him to look and sound anymore like Kenneth from 30 Rock.	Penned “Beating a Demon.” Potentially a metaphor or a lifted title from a Lynne Cheney erotic novella.
Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell		Looks straight out of Central Aryan Casting. High brow snob as he has 4 degrees – from Notre Dame, Boston University and TWO from Regents. Interned with the man the French cannot get enough of – Jerry Lewis (R-CA). Reinstated Confederate History Month – ignoring the fact that slavery was even part of the Civil War. Wanted to put a toll booth up on the North Carolina border.	Wrote law to force women to have a probe shoved up their lady parts without their permission and for no medical reason before terminating a pregnancy. Conveniently denied having anything to do with that law when he realized it might hurt his chances at the Sarah Palin Memorial Award for the most evil and uncaring Vice Presidential candidate.	Looks eerily like Dan Quayle.
Former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin		Part-time Governor and full-time Grifter, Mooselini has entered more words into the dictionary than most people alive.	Taaahd.	She likes to put bullseye targets on political enemies, which includes most of the US.
Ron Paul (R- Texas)		Denies his own newsletters; invokes applause at poor people dying. Market solutions!	Ron is a Texan.	Senator Rand Paul is his son.
Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty		Mr. Excitement, Tea-Paw makes Willard 2.0 almost seem alive.	Hired drunks from Alabama to do breaking and entering/outreach in Iowa.	Only GOPer in history to run for Preznint and get turned down by Fox News for a show.
Texas Governor Rick Perry		Expert user of back-pain medicines, might be willing to share.	Secessionist theocrat, Gov. Goodhair’s family compound is known as Niggerhead.	Confused by geography, economy, political science, words with syllables.
Former Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice		Allegedly a woman, Rice might help with Willard’s gender problem.	Firmly associated with Chimpy.	Would interfer with her shoe shopping hobby.
Senator Mark Rubio		Rubio might help with GOP’s out reach to minorities.	After endorsing Willard 2.0, he immediately said he wished someone else was running.	Notorious liar about his family history, especially fleeing from Cuba.
Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum		His Google Problem.	Alerted horn-dog Senator John Ensign that he was about to be outed by the cuckolded husband of his mistress.	Brought home aborted baby Gabriel and posed for pictures with it, made children say hello to it.

No one remembers that after Saint Ronnie blew a hole a mile wide in the US Budget and created the first massive modern deficit with his tax cut, he raised taxes every year. Therefore, Saint Ronnie is like a rat head in a Coke Bottle.

Also/too – what’s up with Grover’s hand gestures. The ol’ gaydar just went into the red zone.

Rick Santorum insisted Sunday that the Blunt amendment is not about birth control, but about a broad exemption to ensure that employers never have to violate a religious belief.

“The issue is about whether the government can force you to do things that are against your conscience,” he said on Fox News Sunday.

Santorum brushed off questions about his personal objections to contraception, declaring that that’s not what his campaign has been talking about on the trail.

(TPM)