Mock, Paper, Scissors

Doctors Can Now Keep Livers Alive Longer

(Reuters via Gawker)

A series of polls released today show that Americans trust The Kenyan more than they trust the Republicans. Take it away, Bloomberg:

Fifty-five percent of Americans approve of Obama’s performance in office, his strongest level of support since September 2009, according to a Bloomberg National poll conducted Feb. 15-18. Only 35 percent of the country has a favorable view of the Republican Party, the lowest rating in a survey that began in September 2009. The party’s brand slipped six percentage points in the last six months, the poll shows.

However, that’s not just the best/worst of it. For that we turn to the USA Today/Pew Research poll:

President Obama starts his second term with a clear upper hand over GOP leaders on issues from guns to immigration that are likely to dominate the year, a USA TODAY/Pew Research Center Poll finds. On the legislation rated most urgent — cutting the budget deficit — even a majority of Republican voters endorse Obama’s approach of seeking tax hikes as well as spending cuts.

There’s also this handy little bit of info: “Now just 22% of Americans, nearly a record low, consider themselves Republicans.”

I don’t know if that reflects the Teabagger exodus, but wow! That’s gotta hurt.

So when you look at the other results for critical issues, from gun control, immigration reform, and climate change, the official GOP position is way outside the mainstream, even their own members are not buying what they are selling.

One could ask if Wingnuttia is deliberately misreading the polls, or perhaps they hired Mitt Romney’s pollsters, but their Fourth and Forty Hail Mary pass to try to blame the upcoming sequester vote on Obama looks like it will fail, decisively.

So much for the claims of Weepy and Wattles McConnell that they know what the American people want.

UPDATE: Greg Sargent at the Plum Line agrees.

For 2 points heading towards your final exam: what did Weepy say/do to get the eye-roll from MO?

I’m guessing Weepy just asked for a light.

“Is John Boehner hitting the bottle?”

“No one with any credibility has come out and said that Boehner is an alcoholic. The Fix contacted a large number of politicians, former colleagues and opponents for input, including former Speaker Dennis Hastert, outspoken freshman Republican Representatives Steve Sutherland of Florida and Patrick McHenry of North Carolina, even well-known Republican pollster and message strategist Frank Luntz, but none wanted to speak on the subject. But all these jokes and allusions are dancing around the topic. And there are plenty of people who admire Boehner for having the courage of his transgressions. Unlike President Obama, who never wanted to be photographed smoking before he finally quit in August, Boehner has smoked and sipped his wine in public.”

No d’uh.

It actually was close. Last time around he received 100% of the mouth-breathers who marched in step, and this time Nine members of the fetus-fondling god-botherers and feral children voted outside of the line. Many declined to vote (“Present”). But here’s the best part:

“Reps. Paul Broun (R-Ga.) and Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) voted for outgoing member Allen West (R-Fla.).”

Keep f***ing that chicken, boys.

(The Hill)

Iago is amused that Boehner cancelled the vote on Hurricane Sandy relief, and its own aftermath.

Not that Cantor would have planned it, you know, as the Majority Leader, advising Weepy if he had the votes or not…

From TPM:

“There will be a Special GOP Conference Meeting at 5:00 p.m. in HC-5,” according to the alert. “Immediately following Conference tonight, roughly 5:30-6:00 p.m. we will have our first and only vote series of the day on suspensions.”

To translate, the House is only planning to vote on a handful of scheduled, non-controversial measures this evening. They plan to leave tonight whether or not the Senate passes a bill to avoid the expiration of the Bush tax cuts at midnight. That means that unless the GOP’s plans change, then starting at midnight, the revenue baseline resets to a pre-Bush tax cut baseline, and any fiscal cliff legislation becomes a tax cut.

You betcha!

…after he failed to get the votes to pass Weepy’s Plan B:

Odd how he is smiling…

“We need to have a discussion about guns,” the lawmaker said, relaying Boehner’s remarks, “and that doesn’t mean that all of a sudden we abandon the Second Amendment or the NRA [National Rifle Association] or anything like that. But there needs to be a discussion and everybody needs to participate and we need to depoliticize it.”

Alleged words from strangely orange-hued Speaker of the House John Boehner to his caucus.

(The Hill)

As strangely orange-hued Speaker of the House John Boehner tells us every time he exhales, Washington DC has a spending problem, which of course helps to explain why he and soon-to-be ex-Congressman Dan Lundgren secretly doubled the amount of money to spend to defend DOMA. Take it away, Nancy Pelosi:

It’s bad enough that Speaker Boehner and House Republicans are wasting taxpayer dollars to defend the indefensible Defense of Marriage Act – and losing in every case. Now, they have reached a new low – signing a secret contract to spend more public money on their legal boondoggle without informing Democrats. Their actions are simply unconscionable; their decisions are utterly irresponsible.

Hiding this contract from voters in the midst of an election season was a cynical move at best, and a betrayal of the public trust at worst. With Americans focused on the creation of jobs and the growth of our economy, Republicans should not be spending $2 million to defend discrimination in our country.

And in a related story, who knew that Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia had a kid in the priesthood who is involved in some sort of pray-away-the-gay theology? I’m not suggesting that Fat Tony should recuse himself from participating in the upcoming court cases… well, actually, yes, I am saying that.

It’s not just that Fat Tony is on the record, proudly on the record, for comparing gays to murder, beastiality, polygamy, etc., but his kid’s job makes it necessary for people to be self-loathing. I don’t think that the conflicts of interest can be any more clear.

I keep coming back to if this so-called fiscal cliff was a poker game… I don’t think that strangely orange-hued Speaker of the House John Boehner even has a pair, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

So without having any leverage following the election, and clearly not having the support of his caucus, Weepy keeps telling the media that the President needs to tell Wingnutta what entitlement cuts he is willing to make. What I don’t understand is why Obama would propose cuts that the GOP wants, and I don’t understand why Weepy won’t propose what his caucus is demanding. But I have a theory

Here’s the thing: if Obama just lets the stupid sequester thing happens, he gets most of what he wants automatically with all taxes returning to the pre-Chimpy rates, and anything else will almost surely be restored legislatively immediately, like cuts to defense spending, whether he signs it or not, it will be proposed. So why should Obama propose any changes to entitlements at all?

My guess, alluded to above, is that Boehner has nothing. His caucus of imbeciles and god-bothering fetus-fondlers clearly is playing purity games. It’s not that they have no opinion about what to cut, it is that they think entitlement programs shouldn’t exist at all. So whenever Boehner comes back to them with a deal, they won’t take it. They still don’t believe that they lost the elections.

Boehner’s got nothing. Obama should sit tight.

(Hat tip: The Plum Line)

The wailing and gnashing of teeth from the depths of the Republican base that strangely orange-hued Speaker of the House John Boehner was purging Teabaggers from committees reached deafening proportions (i.e. Michelle Malkin-levels) might now take a breath before wailing again.

It wasn’t about ideology, it was about discipline:

“The Committee’s decision had nothing to do with ideology. For those suggesting otherwise, I’d respectfully suggest that you look at some of the people the Steering Committee put in charge of committees. I’d also suggest you look at some of the members who were added to the committees by the Steering Committee. If you do that and come away with the conclusion that there was a ‘conservative purge,’ I’d be interested hearing the rationale.”

It seems that some of the people removed from the committees were considered notorious leakers (for instance the tale of the epic drunken-skinny dipping in the Sea of Galilee that might have sunk the congressional career of none-too-bright Ben Quayle), or uncontrollable to march in lemming-like lock-step over the so-called Fiscal Cliff.

(BuzzFeed Politics)

“No.”

–Weepy McDrunky answers the question, whether Republicans were “eventually going to have to raise taxes in some way” if the president wins in November.

Speaking to reporters on Tuesday, Mr. Boehner said it was clear that the former Massachusetts governor was going to be the party’s standard bearer and that he would “be proud to support Mitt Romney and do everything I can to help him win.”

“At least,” Weepy did not sob, “at least he was not eaten by penguins. Anyone got a light?” The Speaker then polished off another Jim Beam and passed out. “Goddamn Cantor,” he didn’t slur.

(WSJ)

“…while sipping Jim Beam.”

Chris, is that the best question you can ask Weepy? I wonder what you would be doing if your father was not Mike Wallace, you stupid git.

(Buzzfeed)

The GOP, as you may recall, won the midyear elections by promising actions on Jobs. Well, here it comes:

Employment Training Administration (ETA) – The legislation provides the ETA with $7.5 billion in new discretionary budget authority – $2.2 billion (-23%) below last year’s level and $2.1 billion (-22%) below the President’s request. Much of this reduction is due to the transition of employment and training programs to a federal fiscal year and the elimination of $2.4 billion in advance appropriations for the 2013 fiscal year.

Cough… cough.. *blowjob* cough…

(Think Progress)

Death of the Media

Job creators in America are essentially on strike.

–Weepy-the-Orange

…and no one in the media thought to ask him, “who are they striking against?”

In the little Hamlet of West Chester somewhere in Ohiostan, someone left three briefcases filled with paper at the local office of strangely orange-hued, fried-butter-on-a-stick Speaker John Boehner. The police were called in and used their bomb robots to remove the offending valises and blow them up.

“Donors often leave us briefcases full of cold, hard, cash,” Weepy’s spokesman did not say, “usually unmarked and out of sequence small bills, and yeah, the briefcases are marked with Oil, Gas, or Tobacco so we know who to thank by giving tax breaks to, but there never has been one marked Jobs, so we knew something was up.”

(WaPo)

UPDATE: Politico has RETRACTED its report hat House Speaker John Boehner was smacking around golf balls decorated with a “not-so-flattering pic” of Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi’s mug at a fundraiser Tuesday.

–Politics Extra

“What we meant to say is that it was a very flattering picture of Pelosi,” some hobgoblin deep in the dank bowels of Politico did not say. (Politico)

…and play this on his bedroom ceiling in the middle of the night.

Who’s with me?

Regards,

Tengrain

Weepy and Cantor think that bloodletting is the cure for the economy. Expect them to apply leeches to the economy next. Oh, wait. That’s their constituency.

–Tengrain

How’s that No Earmarks thing working for ya?

</snark>

…and that’s how John Boehner became both orange and a drunk.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Mr. C. Montgomery Burns)

Remember when Weepy, the orange-hued Speaker of the House, held us hostage and said that we would hit the debt ceiling if The Carebear did not give him everything he wanted (booze and cigarettes? Probably)? Me Neither!

Well, it happened you guys!

NEW YORK (CNNMoney) — It’s official: The U.S. government hit the debt ceiling on Monday, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner told Congress.

Geithner said he would have to suspend investments in federal retirement funds until Aug. 2 in order to create room for the government to continue borrowing in the debt markets.

Woot-woot! We’re all hostages and/or hobos now! Someone pass the beans and the sterno.

(Money CNN)

Orange-hued Speaker of the House, Weepy lives up to his nickname, as he starts weeping while giving some lame-ass commencement speech in South Succotash (St. Ronnie’s words, not mine). All it takes is for him to mention his coach (drinking team? Yes.) and the water works come on… and nothing streaks.

Remember the other day when Weepy shocked everyone by saying that subsidies for Big Oil “should be on the negotiating table?” Me Neither!

But he did say it, and oops! Just kidding.

Earlier in the evening, Boehner indicated his own optimism about a deal, telling reporters, “I was born with a glass half full.”