Will you be ready when the Zombies attack?

Posted by Tengrain Tuesday, October 19th, 2010

Glenn Beck is. He’s now shilling survivalist food rations for the inevitable uprising and doom that good Americans face:

“I want to talk to you about the changing world that we live in. I want to talk to you about a company that I found called Food Insurance,” Beck says in a segment of his radio show featured on Food Insurance’s website. “We have health insurance, this is real food insurance.”

“I finished my food storage, and I couldn’t believe how relieved I was,” Beck continues. “I remember sitting down on the stairs of the basement and looking at it, and thinking ‘I could lose my job, and my family will eat.’ Sometimes guys don’t realize how much pressure is on them.”

(Forbes estimates Beck made $32 million from March ’09 to March ’10.)

The Food Insurance website also features a video of Beck talking about how this is a “crazy” world. He says his staff and family all have the backbacks [sic], with “everything that you need in case the world goes to heck in a handbasket [sic].”

“Do the easy stuff now,” Beck says, in conclusion. “Prepare yourself for what we all hope won’t happen, but probably will, if you’re not prepared. Thanks.”

The company’s website says, “While your neighbors are struggling to find food, you will be dining on lasagna, beef stroganoff, and a variety of other delicious entrees. What’s more, this food will retain its nutritional value and freshness for up to ten years.”

So it’s just more of the GOP’s Screw you, I got mine.

(TPM)

This is showing up everywhere…

Posted by Tengrain Sunday, October 3rd, 2010

…because it is brilliant. So why not here?

Glenn Beck hates his audience

Posted by Tengrain Wednesday, September 15th, 2010

Beck defends your right to eat fries, but says you should die for them because otherwise he pays for your healthcare, and he has a chalkboard to prove that fries will cause global rioting, because of Michelle Obama.

Why does Glenn Beck hate Freedom Fries?

On Restoring Honor…

Posted by Tengrain Monday, August 30th, 2010

Exactly 47 years to the day after Martin Luther King’s I Have a Dream speech from the feet of the Lincoln Memorial, America’s Favorite Free-Range Conspiracy Theorist, Glenn Beck took to the same stage to dog-whistle to the simple-minded the repellent message: let’s get that nigger out of our White House. The rally was ostensibly about restoring America’s honor, but conveniently no one mentioned how we lost it.

Perhaps now would be a convenient time to do that.

It’s too easy to say that Former President Chimpy McStagger is the root of all evil. He had help from Richard Nixon’s hand maiden, Dick Cheney and a legion of toadies and minions from both parties. It is not an exaggeration to say that our loss of honor, the nadir was reached under Chimpy’s administration with secret renditions, wire tapping citizens, torturing suspects, and the suspension of habeas corpus. Just to name a few.

I don’t recall seeing a single GOPer flocking to the mall to protest that loss of honor.

When Chimpy started the illegal and illogical Iraq war, there were world-wide protests. One day the modest estimate was fourteen million people protested. Chimpy said it was a focus group and was not interested.

I don’t recall seeing a single GOPer protesting that loss of honor, either.

So now we see two b-grade Fox News employees and flimflam artists, Beck and Mooselini, get up on a stage and tell us about the dark forces working to put our great country in the dustbin of history is beyond the pale, so to speak. To see a vast sea of uncritically thinking, white-entitled boomers slack-jawed and drooling from the comfort of their lawn chairs, wondering what happened to their country is sad, yet somewhat understandable.

The country is going through convulsions right now, we have an economic crisis of unimaginable proportions (brought to us by Blessed Saint Ronnie of Trickledown-on-Bel-Air and all who suckled at his crotch); I can understand that some of us are looking for divine intervention to save us from what is actually an engineered disaster brought about by thirty years of callous and selfish policy.

What I cannot understand the the lack of willpower on the part of allegedly sane politicians to let charlatans like Beck and Palin frame the issues and set the stage. The mystery is why are Obama, Pelosi, Reid — and other elected official claiming to be a Democrat– why are they letting these buffoons set the agenda? Why is it that the left are not telling us about what we are going through and why. Why can’t they just say it: we are broke.

We are broke because for thirty years we allowed the rich and the powerful to raid the treasury as a matter of policy. And to this day The Powers That Be are doing nothing about it; heck, they are not even trying to prosecute admitted criminals like Chimpy and Blam-Blam. They’ve told the criminal class that the rule of law does not apply to them.

And so instead of frog-marching the supply siders with their ill-gotten gains to the poky, we are being told that we little people must sacrifice, delay retirement till 70, scrap Medicare, oh, and give more tax breaks to the Rich and Corporations. We are broke, unemployed, and about to be screwed again as a matter of policy.

The thing is, the Dims could have fixed it if they wanted to: they had solid majorities. They did not have the willpower, or worse, they did not see this as a problem. The point is that off-shoring your job (or industry for that matter) continues to happen because they (both sides of the aisle) want it to happen; their corporate paymasters want it, and it will continue.

I can understand how a grifter like Mooselini and a snake oil salesman like Beck can suddenly shine in these times. They can say with a straight face that what is wrong is that their pasty white followers are not praying enough; White Jeebus (and it is the white Jeebus) will keep you out of bankruptcy. And the great unwashed masses can believe this message because they can see that no one inside the Beltway is doing anything for them. They’ve been trained for thirty years to hate liberals/progressives/Dims by rote memorization (the promise of a tasty fish as the reward, who knows), and lately the Teabagger phenomenon shows that they have learned not to trust the people who have been giving them the tasty fish.

And so while these simpletons are praying for Jeebus to save them and blaming the Kenyan Usurper for their problems, and showing their independence by attending rallies that are paid for by the GOP establishment that they are opposed to, their allies on the right are picking their pockets and laughing at the rubes.

The housing market is nothing more than a collection of swindles that may never be unwound and resolved, retail is crashing as we are entering what will probably go on record as the Worst Holiday Shopping Season ever, Afghanistan AND Iraq continue to suck billions of dollars out of our wallets, peak oil has been reached and all that that implies is yet to really hit home, and the Teabaggers are going non-linear and being agitated into some sort of Xristian Nationalism. Expect things to get much, much worse.

Unless you are a member of the ruling class. Then expect excellent business as usual.

They grow up so fast

Posted by Tengrain Wednesday, July 28th, 2010
HuffPo

Is the dumb going blind?

Posted by Tengrain Monday, July 19th, 2010

America’s favorite nut, Noted Art Historian, Infamous Spoon Worshipper, the capitalist clown who wants security and laughs, Free-Range Conspiracy Theorist and would-be poisoner of the Speaker of the House, Local Boy Gone Loco, music impresario, A Snake-Oil Salesman’s Dim-Witted Assistant, and now advertising-free, Glenn Beck says he is going blind:

Beck, 46, says he has been diagnosed with macular dystrophy, and joked that the doctor told him, “You could go blind in the next year . . . or you might not.”

I’d lay off the Mooselini Sport’s Illustrated edition, if I were you,

(Politics Daily via Watertiger)

Compare and Contrast

Posted by Tengrain Monday, June 14th, 2010

Do NOT tease the Panther!

Two concessions, one cup?

Posted by Tengrain Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

Congratulations to Bill Owens (NY-22) who now has the distinction of beating Glenn Beck’s poodle twice in the same race!

Yes, Doug Hoffman had to concede again — I guess he liked it so much the first time…

Stalin only had a 5-year Agricultural Reform!

Posted by Tengrain Sunday, November 22nd, 2009

horny beck surreal America’s favorite nut, Noted Art Historian, Infamous Spoon Worshipper, the capitalist clown who wants security and laughs, Free-Range Conspiracy Theorist and would-be poisoner of the Speaker of the House, Local Boy Gone Loco, music impresario, A Snake-Oil Salesman’s Dim-Witted Assistant, and now advertising-free, Glenn Beck has been “doing a lot of reading on history in the last few years” and announced that he is crafting a 100 year plan for the nation.

Oh, great, he’s writing another book, besides his current project of a children’s anthology of fart jokes, he’s now working on rolling back civil liberties by 100 years.

Glenn Beck Fantasizes about Rape

Posted by Tengrain Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

America’s favorite nut, Noted Art Historian, Infamous Spoon Worshipper, the capitalist clown who wants security and laughs, Free-Range Conspiracy Theorist and would-be poisoner of the Speaker of the House, Local Boy Gone Loco, music impresario, A Snake-Oil Salesman’s Dim-Witted Assistant, and now advertising-free, Glenn Beck compares the Obama initiative to child rapist Roman Polanski.

Beck fought the Web and the Web Won

Posted by Tengrain Monday, November 9th, 2009

horny beck surreal

Fox News’ Glenn Beck has lost a claim that a website called glennbeckrapedandmurderedayounggirlin1990.com was registered in bad faith and in violation of his trademark rights.

But the best part is reading the smackdown letter that the owner of the site sent to America’s favorite nut, Noted Art Historian, Infamous Spoon Worshipper, the capitalist clown who wants security and laughs, Free-Range Conspiracy Theorist and would-be poisoner of the Speaker of the House, Local Boy Gone Loco, music impresario, A Snake-Oil Salesman’s Dim-Witted Assistant, and now advertising-free, Glenn Beck. You can read it here – warning, it’s a PDF.

Tragically, it was not Glenn Beck

Posted by Tengrain Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009


Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck

Tengrain Presents…

Posted by Tengrain Monday, October 26th, 2009

…my first iMovie. Hopefully they will get better over time.

Hometown Boy Glenn Beck Gets Key to the City

Posted by Tengrain Monday, September 28th, 2009


TPM has a gallery of protests

I wish I had known as I could have made the celebration… America’s favorite nut, Noted Art Historian, Infamous Spoon Worshipper, the capitalist clown who wants security and laughs, Free-Range Conspiracy Theorist and would-be poisoner of the Speaker of the House, and now advertising-free, Glenn Beck received a plaque-mounted key to his hometown of Mount Vernon, WA (60 miles north of Seattle) on Saturday, September 26, 2009. The event was part of the official “Glenn Beck Day” organized by Mayor Bud Norris and opposed by many residents — including the city council.

On Wednesday, September 23, the Mount Vernon City Council passed a resolution saying, “Mount Vernon City Council is in no way sponsoring the mayor’s event on Sept. 26, 2009, and is not connected to the Glenn Beck event in any manner.”

Glenn Beck Blames ACORN for Katrina aftermath

Posted by Tengrain Saturday, September 12th, 2009

horny beck surreal

America’s Favorite Nut, Noted Art Historian, Advertising Free, and Free-Range Conspiracy Theorist, Glenn Beck is breaking new ground in his quest for all things nutty.

In what can only be described as rambling, incoherent, revisionist lunacy conspiracy theory, on Beck’s radio show, he claims — without any proof — that ACORN, the Service Employees International Union were involved in corruption in the Big Easy, and used Katrina to destroy the evidence. Then, as a bit of frisson on the side, he implies that Van Jones, of course, was enrolled to get the word out that Chimpy hates black people.

That was Kayne West, Glenn, but I guess to you all blacks look the same.

Glenn Beck dances the Limbo!

Posted by Tengrain Friday, September 4th, 2009

horny beck surreal

America’s Favorite Nutter, Glenn Beck, the clown who wants security, laffs, and noted Art Historian and infamous Commie hunter, has lost eleven more sponsors for his scary cartoon show on Fox News, which brings his total to 57 sponsors lost. So how low can the limbo-stick go before he falls on his pasty white ass?

Here’s all the advertisers he’s lost (so far):

• Progressive Insurance
• Proctor & Gamble
• Lawyers.com
• GEICO
• Men’s Wearhouse
• Sargento Cheese
• Wal-Mart
• CVS
• Best Buy
• Travelocity
• Allergan (maker of Restasis)
• Ally Bank (a unit of GMAC Financial Services)
• Broadview Security
• Re-Bath
• Radio Shack
• Roche
• Sanofi-Aventis
• SC Johnson
• State Farm Insurance
• GMAC
• Airware Inc. (makers of Brez anti-snoring aids)
• AT&T
• Ancestry.com
• Cambell Soup Company
• Verizon Wireless
• Lowe’s
• Johnson & Johnson
• Ditech
• Blaine Labs Inc.
• Clorox
• Sprint
• The UPS Store
• Farmers Insurance Group
• Experian (creator of FreeCreditReport.com)
• The Elations Company
• NutriSweet
• Applebees
• Bank of America
• Bell & Howell
• DirecTV
• General Mills
• Kraft
• Regions Financial Corporation
• SAM (Store and Move)
• Travelers Insurance
• Vonage
• Discover
• Mercedez-Benz
• Capital-One
• Binder & Binder
• The Dannon Company
• HSBC
• ICAN Benefit Insurane
• Infiniti
• Jelmar (makers of the CLR All-Purpose Cleaner)
• Jordan McKenna Debt Counceling Network
• Simplex Healthcare (creator of the Diabeteas Care Club)

It is worth noting that Rupert Murdoch owns DirecTV.

Glenn Beck thinks he’s Joe McCarthy…

Posted by Tengrain Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

…but he’s another puppet.

The understatement of the year

Posted by Tengrain Wednesday, May 20th, 2009

Whoopie, could you be more specific?

The New Math

Posted by Tengrain Thursday, April 16th, 2009

(Dog humping a pig added to ’80s iconic Col. John “Hannibal” Smith) multiplied by the quadratic root of (the insane rantings of Howard Beal for ratings minus any journalism or integrity of Edward R. Murrow) equals anything for ratings-humper nutjob without any integrity for news, Glenn Beck.

Any questions?

Glenn Beck: touched by an angel

Posted by Tengrain Tuesday, April 14th, 2009

Glenn Beck discusses his miracle healing touch, and the Butt Monkeys of Fox News are praising his performance when one of his guests passes out on the show, presumably from the lack of oxygen that Beck demands to keep teh preternatural crazy going..

I thought it was usually the audience…

Posted by Tengrain Monday, April 13th, 2009

…that passes out during Glenn Beck. Or Beck.