Mock, Paper, Scissors

Scissorheads - please welcome to the blog a new contributor, Axel Grease. Please give Axel the same warm and thoughtful welcome for which the incorrigible band of spitballers is so well known. –Regards, Tengrain

As a new contributor to the world of MPS – thinking is hard.

So is campaigning – running for President, possibly running for Senate and of course quitting your governor’s job are all just so hard.  With all that taxing sometimes you just have to lay back and enjoy a nice jacuzzi.

Where have I seen this story before…?

Is there anyone she hasn’t hoisted a thigh over?

In the on-going war of the Palins’ to demean all of their kids to keep ‘em in their place as human shields, Mooselini reveals that Dancing with the Stars wanted Todd long before they wanted Brisket.

(Zapit via Wonkette)

Mooselini is going to campaign for No’Donnell in Delaware:

Palin told Fox News’ Sean Hannity that she would “absolutely” go to Delaware on O’Donnell’s behalf.

“You’re going to go campaign for her, I recently heard,” Hannity said in the interview.

“Yeah, absolutely,” Palin replied. “I’m honored to, I’m excited about it.”

This ought to be stellar, two pathelogical liars/grifters on stage at the same time, competing for attention.

I don’t watch the teevee machine, and so I have missed out on the bump and grind that America’s Favorite Abstinence Educator and Unwed Teenage Mother, Bristol Palin does every week to sell cornflakes and whatnot for her corporate sponsor. That said, we have important news from the ever vigilant Patriots who do watch Dancing with the Stars:

It seems that when Mooselini made her appearance on Jitterbugger Today, she was pretty solidly boo’ed by the crowd. Later, her flacks and spinners said that the booing was for Jennifer Grey’s score (which seems odd, because I’m told she won the Lambada-for-God Dance-A-Thong, so why were they booing). Anyway, Mooselini does her usual word salad thing and cannot say that she’s rooting for her own spawn. And as always, she brought along her own Liz Cheney in training, Pipette, to be her human shield.

As we always note here at MPS, Pipette is the one to watch out for – she’s going to be the one to follow in her mother’s Naughty Monkeys, or to snap and wipe out a row of onlookers, Todd-like.

Begot this response…

Ben Smith at Politico wants us to know that we should not trust the Vanity Fair profile of Mooselini because Trig (the likable Palin) was not at the Kansas City event that was mentioned.

Ben Smith is a professional journalist. He has a desk and everything.

(Politico)

Exactly 47 years to the day after Martin Luther King’s I Have a Dream speech from the feet of the Lincoln Memorial, America’s Favorite Free-Range Conspiracy Theorist, Glenn Beck took to the same stage to dog-whistle to the simple-minded the repellent message: let’s get that nigger out of our White House. The rally was ostensibly about restoring America’s honor, but conveniently no one mentioned how we lost it.

Perhaps now would be a convenient time to do that.

It’s too easy to say that Former President Chimpy McStagger is the root of all evil. He had help from Richard Nixon’s hand maiden, Dick Cheney and a legion of toadies and minions from both parties. It is not an exaggeration to say that our loss of honor, the nadir was reached under Chimpy’s administration with secret renditions, wire tapping citizens, torturing suspects, and the suspension of habeas corpus. Just to name a few.

I don’t recall seeing a single GOPer flocking to the mall to protest that loss of honor.

When Chimpy started the illegal and illogical Iraq war, there were world-wide protests. One day the modest estimate was fourteen million people protested. Chimpy said it was a focus group and was not interested.

I don’t recall seeing a single GOPer protesting that loss of honor, either.

So now we see two b-grade Fox News employees and flimflam artists, Beck and Mooselini, get up on a stage and tell us about the dark forces working to put our great country in the dustbin of history is beyond the pale, so to speak. To see a vast sea of uncritically thinking, white-entitled boomers slack-jawed and drooling from the comfort of their lawn chairs, wondering what happened to their country is sad, yet somewhat understandable.

The country is going through convulsions right now, we have an economic crisis of unimaginable proportions (brought to us by Blessed Saint Ronnie of Trickledown-on-Bel-Air and all who suckled at his crotch); I can understand that some of us are looking for divine intervention to save us from what is actually an engineered disaster brought about by thirty years of callous and selfish policy.

What I cannot understand the the lack of willpower on the part of allegedly sane politicians to let charlatans like Beck and Palin frame the issues and set the stage. The mystery is why are Obama, Pelosi, Reid — and other elected official claiming to be a Democrat– why are they letting these buffoons set the agenda? Why is it that the left are not telling us about what we are going through and why. Why can’t they just say it: we are broke.

We are broke because for thirty years we allowed the rich and the powerful to raid the treasury as a matter of policy. And to this day The Powers That Be are doing nothing about it; heck, they are not even trying to prosecute admitted criminals like Chimpy and Blam-Blam. They’ve told the criminal class that the rule of law does not apply to them.

And so instead of frog-marching the supply siders with their ill-gotten gains to the poky, we are being told that we little people must sacrifice, delay retirement till 70, scrap Medicare, oh, and give more tax breaks to the Rich and Corporations. We are broke, unemployed, and about to be screwed again as a matter of policy.

The thing is, the Dims could have fixed it if they wanted to: they had solid majorities. They did not have the willpower, or worse, they did not see this as a problem. The point is that off-shoring your job (or industry for that matter) continues to happen because they (both sides of the aisle) want it to happen; their corporate paymasters want it, and it will continue.

I can understand how a grifter like Mooselini and a snake oil salesman like Beck can suddenly shine in these times. They can say with a straight face that what is wrong is that their pasty white followers are not praying enough; White Jeebus (and it is the white Jeebus) will keep you out of bankruptcy. And the great unwashed masses can believe this message because they can see that no one inside the Beltway is doing anything for them. They’ve been trained for thirty years to hate liberals/progressives/Dims by rote memorization (the promise of a tasty fish as the reward, who knows), and lately the Teabagger phenomenon shows that they have learned not to trust the people who have been giving them the tasty fish.

And so while these simpletons are praying for Jeebus to save them and blaming the Kenyan Usurper for their problems, and showing their independence by attending rallies that are paid for by the GOP establishment that they are opposed to, their allies on the right are picking their pockets and laughing at the rubes.

The housing market is nothing more than a collection of swindles that may never be unwound and resolved, retail is crashing as we are entering what will probably go on record as the Worst Holiday Shopping Season ever, Afghanistan AND Iraq continue to suck billions of dollars out of our wallets, peak oil has been reached and all that that implies is yet to really hit home, and the Teabaggers are going non-linear and being agitated into some sort of Xristian Nationalism. Expect things to get much, much worse.

Unless you are a member of the ruling class. Then expect excellent business as usual.

I think [President Obama]‘s quite complacent, and I think he’s in over his head, and he has poor advisers around him. And I think he’s really in flux when it comes to what his governing philosophy really is. Some of this, though, is a result of him not having much experience.

– Mooselini, who quit being Governor of Alaska about half-way through it.

Mooselini’s newest book is available for pre-orders today, and we have the cover for you!

…Moosephelia, as long as she is claiming the Shakespearean mantle? She can refudiate it, of course.

But don’t think for a moment that Mooselini doesn’t have plans, and I suspect romantic insanity and drowning is probably not part of them:

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin is the best known and most positively rated of five possible contenders for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination. Her 76% favorable rating among Republicans is higher than those for Mike Huckabee, Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney, and Bobby Jindal.

(Gallup)

America’s favorite nut, Noted Art Historian, Infamous Spoon Worshipper, the capitalist clown who wants security and laughs, Free-Range Conspiracy Theorist and would-be poisoner of the Speaker of the House, Local Boy Gone Loco, music impresario, A Snake-Oil Salesman’s Dim-Witted Assistant, and now advertising-free, Glenn Beck says he is going blind:

Beck, 46, says he has been diagnosed with macular dystrophy, and joked that the doctor told him, “You could go blind in the next year . . . or you might not.”

I’d lay off the Mooselini Sport’s Illustrated edition, if I were you,

(Politics Daily via Watertiger)

I’m not sure what this thing is, but Mike Allen sent it to me this morning, so it must be important.

My takeaway is that Mooselini learned how to stand on her hind legs, and that there is something pink going to DC, that might be a woman. But it is hard to say what this means because as usual, ADD-ridden Mooselini cannot finish a thought — there are some nouns, and verbs used as nouns (and adjectives), but I am not sure how one speaks Alaskastanian. Maybe it is code?

You can also view it here, if the little robot doesn’t let you see it.

If you read the article that Mooselini references, you will see that in essence Thomas Sowell is accusing the Administration of Fascism on the way to Nazi-ism. Given the way that the Right continually pulls out the trope that the Left (MoveOn.org in particular) compared Chimpy to Hitler (which isn’t true) and the way they scream foul to this day, it seems a little beyond the pale that the intellectually lazy and disingenuous Sowell is being given any accommodation, let alone by Mooselini, who often wails about how she is so mistreated and compared to Hitler.

So what did the right say when two contributors to MoveOn submitted commercials to a contest that depicted Chimpy as Hitler?

The Google tells us…

…the whole thing seemed, as far as I could tell, to be motivated by an incoherent and sputtering animus toward Bush.

–Rich Lowry

I don’t say this because I feel a passionate need to defend George Bush. I would make the exact same points if Al Gore were president. I would make the exact same points if anybody running for the Democratic nomination were president. This has nothing to do with partisanship. It has to do with the fact that such comparisons are slanderous to the United States and historical truth and amount to Holocaust denial. When you say that anything George Bush has done is akin to what Hitler did, you make the Holocaust into nothing more than an example of partisan excess.

– Jonah Goldberg

A staple of Bush-hating is the portrayal of the president as a Nazi. That has, of course, been a prominent part of other attacks against other presidents, but today it seems to be deployed with particular aggressiveness against Bush. There are thousands of references, across the vastness of the Internet, linking Bush to Adolf Hitler and the Third Reich.

– Byron York

…portrayals of Bush as Adolf Hitler — as we saw and heard in the “human-rights” protests — betray an ignorance of liberty, an ignorance of right and wrong, an ignorance of commonsense.

– Bill Bennet

So what gives with this crazy popular analogy—one that on a typical Internet Google search of “Bush” + “Hitler” yields about 1,350,000 matches? …But something has gone terribly wrong with a mainstream Left that tolerates a climate where the next logical slur easily devolves into Hitlerian invective.

–Victor Davis Hanson

(I just did a query on Obama and Hitler and got back over 7 Million hits, something of an increase over what VDH experienced. It’s a silly unit of measure, but the very silly Hanson used it first, so this is just as legitimate as his first use of it.)

Okay, so where are these same outraged gentlemen now? Jonah, because you said you would defend anyone (even Al Gore) against these types of accusations, where are you? Why are they not speaking up?

Oh, I forgot the mention: the Sowell piece appeared on the NRO, so I guess that means that they all endorsed it, especially ol’ Starburst who is the editor, and presumably made the decision to let ‘er rip.

Um, Mooselini seems to think that Fort Knox is not in the USA and announces that she and Rupert Murdoch are going on moose murdering spree.

Murdoch and Mooselini are the Boris and Natasha of the media.

Mooselini is on her way to make sweet, sweet, photo ops with the UK’s fossilized remains from the ’80s, Lady Thatcher, who is the last known fascist to shake Saint Ronnie’s Dick, the sacred relic of the GOP.

We assume that the Wassila Chillbilly is onto some new grift, and her mark must be senile. Someone should tell Lizzy to keep the crown jewels locked up. And the Princes, too, if Bristol is along.

Of course Pipette will try to sneak into Harvey Nic’s for free couture, and little Algorythm (the likeable Palin) will probably be lost in Heathrow’s baggage claim.

(The UK Press is already having a field day with this.)

At Gay Pride this weekend, the GOP Log Cabin Republicans of L.A. are holding a Tea Bag Toss to raise money for whatever it is that they do (maybe for therapy?), and here’s the deal:

1. You buy a teabag from one of them.
2. You attempt to toss it into the mouth of a cartoon cut-out of a politician (mostly Dims – but more on that).
3. If you teabag the politician, you win!
4. Hilarity ensues.

The politicians include Dims CA gubernatorial candidate Jerry Brown, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, and much beloved GOP she-wolf of the Nazis, Sarah Palin.

So why Mooselini?

“…Schmidt said including Palin was an attempt to be nonpartisan and he noted that she raised the sales tax while mayor of Wasilla, Alaska.”

Log Cabin Republicans are so camp and wacky!

(SFGate)

Could it be that Mooselini has had some work done? Look at the Runner’s World pictures to compare:

OK, this might be my most sexist post to date, but am I wrong? I mean, who cares if she had them done or not (Todd?), but it’s kinda jumping out at me. At any rate it is good to know what her campaign planks will be in 2012.

Oops. My bad.

Who knew that there was so much money in bowling that our favorite grifter Chillbilly from Alaskastan, Mooselini, would end up giving one of her $100,000 speeches for The Bowling Proprietors’ Association of America?

Sarah Palin is a great friend to the bowling industry and we’re so proud and honored to welcome her as our keynote speaker at International Bowl Expo 2010,” said Steven Johnson, executive director of the BPAA. “Regardless of your political affiliation, Ms. Palin is a force in American politics and culture. Her presence underscores the impact and importance of bowling, one of our country’s leading national pastimes and a growing $10 billion industry.”

Which of course leads me to this song…

Skinheads, pinheads, eh, it works.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Wagonjak)

Mooselini told “You’re a redneck if…” jokes to the NRA as part of her speech to them, and somewhere Jeff Foxworthy is probably preparing a lawsuit, or ought to be.

Anyway, in her own words…

Then, saying she was proud of being labeled a “redneck,” she regaled them with a string of one-liners defining the term:

“You’re a redneck if you’ve ever had dinner on a ping pong table.”

Laughs.

“You’re a redneck if you’ve ever had a custody fight over a hunting dog. Well, Todd and I haven’t, but we’ve got friends who have!”

More laughs.

“You’re a redneck if your honeymoon was a hunting trip. That was us!”

A whole lotta laughs.

Wait, there’s more.

“You’re a redneck if you’ve ever used a fishing license as ID.

“You’re a redneck if you’ve ever slept in the back of a pickup rather than pay for a hotel.

“You’re a redneck if you’ve ever said to your husband, ‘Honey, move the transmission so I can take a bath.’

“And you’re a redneck if you think the last words of ‘The Star Spangled Banner’ are ‘PLAY BALL!’”

Now, you can find any and or all of these jokes online, often times one after the other in the redneck jokes category. Just search for any of them, and you will find all of the others.

So is this what her $100,000 per speech consists of? Worn-out jokes from a third-rate comic from 20 years ago? What did the NRA people think about this?

“She’s down-to-earth. She speaks like us,” said Diane Litten, who hunts wild turkey and deer with her husband back home in tiny Newark, Ohio. “She’s motivational. Do I think she could be President? Yes.”

“Sarah is my main reason for coming,” said Litten’s husband, Jody. “We’re country-rural people, and we want limited government. If she ran for President, she’d get my vote.”

Infamous Unwed Mother and Noted Abstinence Educator, former splash towel of The Mighty Hockey-stick Wielding Levi Johnston and daughter of Mooselini, Bristol Palin is now going to try to earn an honest living with her mouth. Presumably Bristol will be taking off them low heels and putting on them ho heels and not wearing the designer clothing that the GOP bought for her, but who knows what the Wasilla Chillbillies really did with the loot?

Bristol Palin has signed with a speakers bureau for a tidy sum of between $15,000 and $30,000 per speech, RadarOnline reports.

I was going to say something unbecoming of a gentleman, but I’ll let you guys have at it in the comments instead.

San Jose Mercury News

Ho, ho, ho! Now she done stepped in it and tracked it in the igloo snow palace! Mooselini, the chillbilly grifter and half-time gubnor of Alaskastan used the awesome power of the Facebook (her favorite news source) to give an endorsement to the creator of the demonic sheep, failed HP CEO Carly Fire ‘Em All Fiorina in her quest to unseat Barbara Boxer as a US Senator.

Let’s shake it up in California!
I’d like to tell you about a Commonsense Conservative running for office in California this year. She grew up in a modest home with a school teacher dad, worked her way through several colleges, and then entered an arena where few women had tread. Through a combination of hard work, perseverance, and common sense, she proved the naysayers wrong to reach the top of her field, where she led with distinction – facing hard truths, making tough decisions, and showing real leadership through a rocky transition period. Where others had failed, her company had weathered the storm and settled on a stronger new foundation.

Her name is Carly Fiorina, and I’m proud to endorse her for U.S. Senate.

… California is still Reagan Country, and Carly promises her “Reagan Conservative” values will be put to good use for her state and for our great nation. Shaking it up in California is long overdue. Let’s help Carly do it!

It seems that the Cali Teabaggers, after hiding under tables when Mooselini threatened them with an earthquake from their fire-god Ronald Reagan, got themselves up, dusted off and fired back using the Facebook’s awesome fire-back technology! They prefer the long-shot teabagging candidate Chuck DeVore, and they told Mooselini so:

She supported the Wall Street bailouts.
She supported Cap and Trade.
She supported the confirmation of Sonia Sotomayer…. See More

And then there’s this…

Sarah! We love you, girl, for many reasons (faith, no-nonsense conservatism, etc.) but how did you come to this??? Who pressured you to back Fiorina? Just don’t get it, Sarah. Not at all. Chuck DeVore is the real deal. You’d know that if you did your homework.

…and let’s not forget this…

CARLY FIORINA IS PRO ISLAM!!! BAD BUSINESS Dealing where she sold to IRAN and bribed her way into bad business in MOSCOW and this is who you want as a conservative senator!!? Sarah Palin you have lost your mind along the way or maybe you didn’t! None the less you showed your colors and now you’ve lost your support with the tea party! Your a rino!

Ouch! That’s gonna leave a mark. So Mooselini did what she had to do, which was use the awesome update power of the Facebook to update her detractors!

Update: I’d like to add a few things about my Carly endorsement because some reaction right out of the chute calls for more information:

Carly has been endorsed by the National Right to Life, the California Pro-Life Council, and the Susan B. Anthony List. She is pro-life, pro-traditional marriage, pro-military, and pro-strict border security and against amnesty. She is against Obamacare and will vote to repeal it and prevent the government takeover of private companies and industries. Carly is also a strong supporter of the Second Amendment. Like me, she is a member of the NRA, has a 100% NRA rating, and she and her husband are gun owners. She is pro-energy development and believes as I do in an all-of-the-above approach to energy independence. She is against cap and tax. And most importantly, Carly is the only conservative in the race who can beat Barbara Boxer. That’s no RINO. That’s a winner.

Except these endorsements are not exactly true, either, but it’s Mooselini, so what did you expect? Accuracy? Truthiness?

Yup, Carly Fire ‘Em All Fiorina is about as popular as a sneeze while peeing with the Teabaggers, moderates, and liberals of California. Even Mooselini cannot changey-hopey that reality.

…so throwing them at Mooselini is NOT wasting food.

According to police, 33-year-old Jeremy Paul Olson threw the tomatoes at Palin from a second floor balcony in the Mall of America in Bloomington, Minn., while the former GOP vice presidential candidate was signing books at a Barnes & Noble.

What has happened to civility in America? And more importantly, what ever happened to aim? He missed. I think we need mandatory PE for all citizens.

…Doughy Pantload is good enough for Mooselini.

I’m giggling like a moron. You know, it was close. But what a triumph for the most intellectually dishonest voice on the right to get the thumbs up from the wack-a-doodle theocratic Nanookie of the North. I think today is one to go down for the ages.

(Fair Warning! The link goes to the Blog at Poo Corner, home of the Whopper.)

Her presence underscores the impact and importance of bowling.

I have no argument with this praise.